rollercoasters

Lance loved roller coasters. Up and straight down and lots of screaming. A dizzying ride. Lance felt the same way when he first got to Orlando.

He found a nice gay bar where everyone was happy to see him because he was young and pretty and fresh. He didn't do anything or go home with anyone but it was nice to be wanted. Well, he did some things, but only in the bathrooms and he made sure to be safe.

"You're so serious! You need to be with someone funny," said the man on the stool next to him. Then the man told a joke and Lance went down on him in the bathroom.

He fell in love with Chris. Chris said he loved Lance, said it often, especially right after Lance went down on him. "Your amazing mouth!" Chris would say. Chris made him laugh, always had fun with everything and Lance was pretty happy. He was only eighteen and he had a cool boyfriend and a great band. He hated Lou, but that was a minor burr in the saddle. He worked hard and spent his exhausted nights in Chris's arms.

They went to Germany and worked even harder with less sleep. Chris was tired a lot, but they still found time to have sex. Hot sweaty sex that made Joey bang on the wall and made Justin roll his eyes at them the next morning and complain about the noise. Chris helped Lance with his dancing and stood up to Lou when Lou called them all names.

Things got better and they were popular in Europe. Then they were back in the States and things were hard and exhausting again. Chris got his braces off, though, which made Lance very happy.

Chris always said he was bi, not gay, and he leered at women sometimes, especially when the press or Lou was around. Lance tried to ignore it, but as the band got more popular women were always pressing up against Chris, smiling at him. All the babes that wouldn't give him the time of day in high school. And sometimes Chris's jokes weren't very funny, especially when he used radio interviews or press to make fun of Lance after they'd had a fight.

Chris dumped him. Met a girl. He was nice about it first, but Lance moped a little and Chris got mean. It was painful and harsh like a fast drop down on a roller coaster. Lance didn't have much fun for a while, though he learned to fake it on camera.

Lance went to a gay bar in New York City. They weren't very famous yet, but Lance was still young and pretty and guys bought him drinks. He told his whole sad story to a nice guy. The guy said, "Your problem is you need to date guys who aren't just a little gay, you need someone all gay." The guy told Lance that he was one hundred percent gay and Lance went down on him in the bathroom.

Lance made rules for himself. No more bi guys. No more guys in the business.

He ran into Howie at some industry function and they hit it off immediately. Lance amended the guys in the business rule to guys in the band. Howie was great. He was one hundred percent gay. He was funny, but so incredibly sweet. The time they spent together was always too little and Lance and Howie fucked a lot when they were together. Chris was even sweet about it and Lance was pleased that they'd both grown into being friends.

Howie was too sweet. Lance broke it off. He was sad about it, but Howie was too settled, domestic. He stood in the VIP lounge of a club, talking to Britney.

"You need to stop getting a boyfriend, Lance. Enjoy your fame and hotness," she said, stroking the forearm of her latest plaything. Lance thought the girl was named Shelly. Or Kelly. They both waved to Justin, who was talking earnestly to the deejay.

Lance added a new rule about no commitments. He put it in action that night and went down on the deejay in the bathroom. He didn't ask for the guy's phone number.

So they were incredibly famous and Lance had grown into his looks, or so the PR guys from the record company said as they made sure he was standing closer to the front at photo shoots. Everything was great. Guys bought him drinks because he was hot and young and famous. He loved everyone in the band, they were selling through the roof. Everything would have been just about perfect if Justin would just stop looking at him like that.

Justin was almost leering at him during the shows, when no one else could see. He would casually start conversations with Lance and then follow him into the dressing room to watch him change. He would grin at Lance and pulled him onto dance floors and then bump his hips.

Lance decided to confront Justin. "Dude, what's up? Cause you're not being very subtle about hitting on me."

Justin looked at him. "Well, I'm not trying to be subtle. Why would I be subtle about hitting on you? I want you to know I want you. Except, you're not getting with the program here."

"There's a program?"

"Yes. I hit on you. You fall madly in love with me. It all works out." Justin grinned.

"Justin, no. See, I have rules." Lance sat down.

"Rules?" Justin made a face. "Tell me 'em."

"Okay, first, no bi guys. Second, no one in the band. Third, no falling madly in love." Lance tapped his knee for emphasis.

Justin snorted. "Those are dumb rules. Chris didn't dump you because he's bi, he dumped you because you two weren't meant to be. You grew apart. Would it have hurt less if it had been a guy? Please." Justin looked serious and intent. His voice had an exasperated edge to it. "And no one in the band? Look, princess, life is pain. Get used to it. Things that feel good can come around and bite you on the ass. And the no falling in love? I think you've had enough casual sex in the last year and a half to last you for a while."

"You don't get to decide that." Lance stood up and glared at Justin.

"Yes, I do." Justin nodded again, sure of himself as always. "We're gonna be great together, Lance. You know what your real problem is? You keep dating older guys." Justin leaned back with a wide grin.

Lance grinned. "You're crazy, you know that?" Justin stood up and kissed Lance. Another dizzying drop, and Lance was smiling when Justin broke it off. Lance said, "Can't we just have sex? Like, a lot? Do I have to fall madly in love?"

Justin nodded. "You have to fall madly in love. If you're gonna jump in the pool, you should always make it a cannonball." Justin kissed him again and it was so perfect and explosive, Lance thought he would die. And that was the best part of any ride, after all.

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