FOREVER YOUNG

Lance sits across from Lynn, Justin and Chris at the airport and he feels like throwing up. He stares straight ahead and concentrates on a spot on the wall. Chris says, "Yeah, you know." He laughs, easy, and it makes Lance's stomach hurt. Chris is twenty five and he's the most attractive man Lance knows. Justin is the most attractive boy.

Chris turns to Justin and says, "Hey, would you say whatever, we're fucking blanket friends, man." He laughs again and Justin presses his lips together to stop laughing.

Lynn stands up and grabs Justin's hand. "Come on, Justin, let's go wait over there with JC. You can sleep."

Chris stands up and says, "Hey, sorry. Just making a joke." He smiles. "Just a song lyric, some Kirkpatrick additions there, you know. Sorry I cursed."

Lynn rolls her eyes. "You curse in front of Justin all the time. Justin looks tired," and she looks down at Justin. "You're tired, aren't you?" Justin shrugs. He does look tired. Lance looks like he wants to throw up but no one's looking. Justin stands up. Lynn smiles at Chris and says, "Justin's tired. We'll sit where it's quiet. Can't stop what's coming, right?"

Chris looks dumbfounded for a second and then he smiles again. Wider. Lance rubs his stomach. He throws up on Chris's shoes.

*

Chris is in a bad mood. He doesn't like the song. He doesn't like the song at all. He mutters as they walk out and Lance trails behind him because he likes to walk behind Chris. Lance says, "Why don't you like the song?"

"Forever young? It's a fucking curse. May you stay forever young. What's so great about being young?"

Lance shrugs. He likes being young. But he gets that Chris had a different life when he was seventeen and Lance can see why he wouldn't want to be young forever. Or young for very long.

Lance wants to be whatever age he needs to be for Chris to look at him with a wide smile and a long look.

*

Lance is almost asleep when Justin comes in and he keeps his eyes closed and pretends to be asleep anyway. Justin is whining. He says, "But where were you? I waited for you."

Lynn answers, "Be quiet, honey, Lance is asleep. I told you, I was here, getting a drink."

Justin giggles. Lance can hear Justin fall against the bed. "I ordered two beers since you weren't there."

Lynn says, "I can tell." She says it quietly. "Justin, come on, get in bed."

Justin laughs, but he covers his mouth because the sound is muffled. Justin says, "I have to pee."

Lynn sighs. The light is bright from the bathroom for a moment and then it's dark again. Then the light flashes again and he hears Justin say quietly, "Lance was jerking off in the bathroom again. It smells."

Lance hates Justin. Lynn snorts. She says, "And you don't ever do that? Stop being a child, Justin."

Justin mumbles, "Sorry." He says, "I wonder who he thinks about when he does that." Lance thinks, you. And Chris. Justin says, "I bet he thinks about guys."

Lynn says, "Justin, get in bed."

Sheets rustle, and Lance wonders if Justin will ever go to sleep. Justin says, "You weren't at the hotel bar. I came back and you weren't there and then I went back and you weren't there."

She says, "You just missed me." Lance finally falls asleep before Justin starts whining again.

*

The next morning, Justin is masturbating in the bathroom. Because he always does. Lance bangs on the door and says, "I can hear you. When you're done jerking off, can I get in there to pee?"

Justin makes a grunt like he's upset and Lance smirks.

Lance complains about Justin to Chris, because he can. Because Justin is very young and Lance isn't. Chris laughs. "He missed his mommy, did he?"

"Apparently. He had to eat all by himself."

Chris says, "Lynn didn't." Chris laughs. "I bet. I just mean, I wouldn't mind a break from Justin sometimes. Love that kid, but."

"I'm the one rooming with him." Lance sighs. He likes being young, likes that he didn't have to suffer long and now he's here, and he's sitting next to Chris and in the mornings, he sees Justin naked most of the time.

Chris grins. Chris smiles a lot, now that they're signed and recording. It looks good on him. Chris says, "Room with me for a week, man, it'll be fun. Let JC have the baby."

So they do. Lance gets to see Chris nearly naked in the morning and it's even better than Justin's gangly lack of grace. Chris struts when he gets up. Lance waits in the bed until Chris gets out of the shower and he starts jerking off in the morning as soon as he has the bathroom.

*

Chris comes home late, and Lance doesn't pretend to be asleep. He sits up and says, "Did you have fun?"

Chris laughs and wipes his mouth. He says, "I did. Did you finish your homework?"

Lance frowns. "I did. I didn't not go out because of that. I didn't."

"I getcha," Chris says from the bathroom. He's brushing his teeth. He spits out his toothpaste and splashes water on his face. Lance watches. Chris grabs a washcloth and opens the top buttons on his shirt. They weren't buttoned right to begin with. As Chris wets the washcloth, Lance can see a purple mark on his collarbone.

Lance gets out of bed. He stands by Chris's bed in just his boxers and t-shirt. Chris turns around and says, "You want something?"

Lance thinks, you. He says, "Just, you know. Want to have some fun, too."

Chris stands in the bathroom doorway. He says, "No."

"No? You don't even. That's not what I meant." Lance sits down. He's blushing, he knows it.

Chris says, "Good, because you know. You're too young for every sort of fun. Not all of it, but some of it."

Lance thinks, I'm not. He watches Chris shuck off his shirt and fold his slacks carefully. He climbs into bed and turns off the light. Chris says, "You okay? Get some sleep."

Lance says, "I'm fine." He gets back into bed and he thinks, forever young. He'd rather die.

THE END.

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