GOING, GOING, GONE

JC isn't an optimist and he doesn't believe in happy endings. Justin does and JC thinks that will be the reason Justin finally leaves him, because JC lacks faith.

There's nothing wrong now, but they're too different. JC doesn't understand how that happened. Justin's parents divorced, he lost on Star Search, their show was canceled and Lou ripped them off and worked them to death. Even now they can't win a real award and when they win the ones based on popularity, people boo. Their career will be painfully short, because even twenty years would be too little. Justin knows all of this but he smiles and talks only in whispers when they share a bed, because it's like church to him, sacred and good.

JC has changed from working against the inevitable, thinking he could stave off the end of all the things he treasures to accepting the end is nigh. It's always coming, so he smiles and enjoys it while he can. He tells himself to relax because this moment will pass and he needs to savor it, to remember it.

He intends to remember all of Justin in his bed, naked next to him. Even the moments when Justin snorts and makes stupid jokes and laughs and spits at the same time. JC relaxes and grins because it'll end eventually but it's so good now.

They're on the bus, Chris hiding in the back on the phone with his third girlfriend since Dani. Chris is probably breaking up with her, today he was listening to Blood on the Tracks and that's never a good sign. He only took the CD out to put in another Dylan album, and that one he programmed to just play the same song over and over again. "I'm going, I'm going, I'm gone," played on the bus ten times and each time, Justin started singing Gone over the track. He sang it with a different accent each time, making the words silly and over-dramatic. Chris turned off the CD with a scowl and then it was back to Idiot Wind again. JC doesn't think he likes Bob Dylan much, or at least, he doesn't like Dylan singing Dylan.

They're watching some stupid romantic comedy. Justin is sucked in even as he pretends to make fun of the dialogue and the contrived situations. JC stopped paying attention a while ago and he just watches Justin. He watches and waits for the moment when Justin can't make jokes because he's holding his breath to see if the guy gets the girl at last.

Justin catches him, grins and says, "It's sweet. I like that part."

"I bet they break up in a year or so," JC says, still smiling.

"Maybe, maybe not. I think, you know, they could make it." Justin isn't smiling now. He means it.

"Most happy endings are temporary, it's just where you stop the story. You say, here, this is the part where we don't find out the rest." JC runs his finger up and down Justin's forearm. Warm, Justin is warm and the hair on his arm is soft as JC's finger glides over it and back.

Justin just says, "Sometimes." He kisses JC and they make love on the couch, and fall asleep there.

Backstage, Justin says, "You know, I'm a happy person. I believe in happy endings because I'm happy."

JC doesn't turn around. "I'm happy."

"I just mean, there's love and forever and sometimes it works. I think you'd be happier if you let yourself, uh, believe that." Justin is standing behind him now, hands resting lightly on JC's shoulders.

JC won't lie to Justin. He says, "We won't."

Justin says, "See, I think you're wrong. One of us is gonna win that bet, you know, and I bet it's me."

JC hopes so. He doesn't say that out loud. He tells himself to relax because Justin saying that is something to savor.

They came together easily, a kiss and a conversation. That's another reason to distrust it. JC works hard for everything, he throws himself into things completely and fiercely. Now he has Justin and he doesn't even have to work at it.

They're both drunk, exhausted and sweating without caring into clothes that will have to be dry-cleaned to ever be wearable again. JC leans back against the leather seat in the car and says, "Man, we never fight. Someday we'll have a big blow-out and then what we will do?"

"We'll, uh, we'll settle things. We'll make things work." Justin grips JC's knee and his whole hand covers the knee completely.

JC sighs. Justin says, "Maybe we'll never fight."

"That sounds unhealthy." JC covers Justin's hand with his own.

"We've made it a year without fighting," Justin says and leans in to kiss JC. It's sweet and tart and then the taste changes. JC lets himself believe for a little while.

The light comes in from the window of the hotel and JC wakes up in sunshine with Justin wrapped around him. He doesn't need to tell himself to relax. Justin wakes up slowly and says, "I was thinking." It's more of a mutter.

JC says, "Were you?" Justin is beautiful. They're beautiful together. It's so easy. JC knows there are no happy endings but he wishes this could be one.

Justin says, "I was thinking. We're a lot of work." JC mutters no and Justin says, "Yeah, we are. You just keep letting the moment be, waiting for the shit to hit the fan. And I'm fighting against your stubbornness and you're fighting against me being right and stuff. So we're not easy."

JC laughs. It's funny, it's very funny. He sits up and smiles. "Okay, you're right. We're not easy at all. Your being right and stuff?"

"And stuff or something. Face it, you big dork, you love me, you want me and you want it to last. You're just being a dork or something." Justin smiles and turns toward the sunlight.

"You're so articulate this early in the morning, man." JC lies back down.

Justin says, "Fuck it, I just woke up." Justin turns again, his legs against JC's, his hands around JC's chest. "If we stop now, if we go back to sleep, this is a happy ending. One of many along the way to the big one."

So JC goes back to sleep.

THE END

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