NOTES & DISCLAIMERS: So very very made up. Inspired by Lara Logan's Green, and thanks so much to her. Thanks to Younger, Kelly, Dafna and Shana. Also some inspiration from the fiction of John Varley. Set during the Celebrity Tour, with the Brit break-up and Justin shaving his head again happening later than they actually did.
ISLE OF VIEW
However it happened, Justin figured it out first. He woke up early and needed to pee. He walked right into the hotel bathroom and then he looked down at his dick as he stood over the toilet. That wasn't his dick. Justin knew his dick pretty well and it wasn't like it was suddenly uncircumcised or something, but it wasn't his dick in his hand. Justin dropped his dick and stared. While he was looking, those really weren't his thighs. He didn't have a tattoo there. He didn't have thighs like that. Justin started to hyperventilate.
He thought, did I take home some strange guy? And then he thought, it's me that's different. He looked up at the mirror. Lance. He was looking at Lance. Justin reached out his hand and Lance reached out his hand in the mirror. Justin touched his hair and watched Lance, looking dumbstruck, do the same in the mirror. Justin's hair felt like Lance's, fine and not at all like Justin's.
"Holy fuck," Justin said. He sounded just like Lance. He cleared his throat. "Holy Motherfucking God." Still like Lance. Still Lance, in fact. He was Lance.
Justin ran out of the bathroom and tripped because his boxer-briefs were still pooled around his ankles. He crawled on the floor for a moment and kicked off the underwear. Then he sprang up and found his phone. He hit the numbers for Lance's phone and the line was busy. Busy and fuck. It wasn't his phone, it was Lance's. Justin counted to ten and said "Fuck" again and it was Lance's voice again.
He called his own number, Justin's number. Or, he hoped it was his number. Lance had numbers programmed and when Justin scrolled through he saw "Chris," "JC," "J," and "diva." J was probably Joey and fuck Lance, and why didn't anyone answer at the "diva" number?
"What the fuck?" he heard. His voice. Justin's voice on the phone.
Justin said, "Lance?"
Justin's voice said, "What the fuck," again.
Justin said, "Lance, go into the bathroom. Right now."
He heard his voice say, "What the fuck and who is this?"
Justin said, "Damn it. It's me, Lance. Go into the fucking bathroom or look in a fucking mirror." He heard his voice grumbling and then the phone made a sound like it had been dropped. He heard a distant, high-pitched "fuck."
Justin walked over to the bag of clothes on the floor and pulled on new underwear and track pants. He walked over to his own room, and fuck, the number on the door was the same number that had been on Justin's door and Justin knocked.
The door flew open and Justin was looking at himself, naked. Justin said, "Damn it, put on some clothes."
Lance, and Justin was pretty sure it was Lance, even though it looked just like Justin, Lance said, "I woke up this way!"
Justin pushed inside and this was definitely his room. His bag, his stuff and he looked down and there were his feet. Attached to his calves and the rest of his body. Justin looked up and said, "Lance?"
"Yes. Yes, I am Lance. But I look like you. And you look like me. Justin? What is going on?"
"You don't just look like me, Lance, you are me. That's my body." Justin waved his arms, noted that they were shorter than he was used to.
Lance looked down and said, "Huh." He ran his hands over his stomach, over Justin's stomach, actually, and then his hands strayed lower.
Justin said, "Hey! Hands off!"
Lance grinned and didn't actually take his hand off his dick. "It's mine now, right? You touched mine, I bet."
Justin sat down on the bed. "Look, can we, let's stop this. Put some damn clothes on and let's figure this out."
Lance pulled on some underwear and sat down next to Justin. Justin said, "How did this happen?"
Lance said, "I have no fucking idea."
Justin said, "Uh, you didn't, you know, uh, make a wish or something last night?"
Lance said, "To be you? You wish, asshole." Justin frowned and they talked more and couldn't come up with an answer.
Then Justin said, "Holy FUCK!"
Lance said, "What?"
Justin said, "We have a show tomorrow. What if this doesn't wear off?"
Lance stood up and ran his hands through his hair. He stopped and looked at his hand, and said, "Your hair, man, your hair." Lance paused. "Look, maybe we'll be fine. Maybe our bodies will take over, or something."
Justin grabbed his own phone and shoved it at Lance. "Fucking call JC right now and ask for an extra rehearsal today." Justin watched Lance dial the numbers. Justin said, "Wait. We should tell him what's happened."
Lance considered for a second. He finally said, "I don't think so. Because seriously, J, first they'll do drug tests and then when those come up negative for the really serious shit they'll lock us up for being fucking crazy."
Justin looked down at his hands. Lance's hands. He said, "Okay. I guess you're right." Justin swallowed. "Look, call JC. Tell him something so we can rehearse today and figure out how bad this is gonna be."
Lance handled the call fine, and said he thought maybe Chris had been favoring one of his knees and they might want to try and soften things for him or something.
Lance said, "Fuck. We need to sing, too."
Justin swallowed. "Well, shit. I guess I sort of know your parts."
Lance sank to the floor and rested his head on his knees. "But, dude." Lance's eyes widened and he said, "Holy fuck. It's not like I don't know the words, J, but fuck. Gone and I Want You Back, I'm usually not. I'm not the one riffing or going off. Fuck."
Justin said, "Maybe we'll change back before the show."
Lance said, "And maybe not. Fuck." He stood up and started pawing through Justin's bag.
Justin said, "Hey! Don't do that. Just tell me what you're looking for, okay?" Justin squatted by Lance and his bag.
"The tape from last night. The one from the show, you know, the game tape?" At every show they had a copy of the soundboard tape run off for the guys to listen to. Justin got up and grabbed it from the bureau where he'd put it. Lance said, "Mine will be on top of my bag. In my bag, in the outside pocket, there's a Walkman and it's set so you can just hear me, okay? So you have to listen to it."
"You have one pre-set for this?" Justin watched Lance take the game tape and put it in a Walkman Justin had left on a chair.
Lance turned around and narrowed his eyes. "Okay, I'm going to work on not being offended that you seem to think I don't actually care about how I sound when we perform."
"I didn't mean it that way," Justin mumbled because he had, sort of. He knew Lance took things seriously and practiced and rehearsed but he forgot sometimes, what with Lance's normal disdain and sarcasm.
"Whatever, Justin. Promise me you'll listen to it, because, you know, you'll be singing my parts and I don't want them to be off or wrong, okay?"
"Well, same to you." Justin sighed. "Look, I'm sorry. Okay? We can't be pissy with each other, here."
Lance laughed. "Of course, we can. If I'm pissed enough at you, maybe I'll get you a new tattoo. Something on your ass that says 'gay and proud,' maybe."
Justin sighed again. "Lance, please. Look, we need to." Justin slapped his thigh. "Fuck. Fuck. People will think I'm you. Like, your assistant and the people you work with. And your tests and shit for space. And, like, the guys."
Lance sat down on the bed next to Justin. "Fuck." Lance flopped back down on the bed. "I'm dating Britney Spears." He started laughing. "I'm sooooo gay, she doesn't even turn me on one bit and I'm dating her now. Fuck me." Justin threw a pillow at his head and Lance hiccupped to a stop. "So, seriously, you two fucking or what?"
Justin wondered what he'd done to deserve this. "Everything but. And she's not supposed to visit again for two weeks, so." Justin rubbed his eyes and thought, fuck. He wished there was another word for how completely fucked up this was. "Lance? There's another thing, speaking of the guys."
"I'm actually not that worried about that part. I know, I know, Chris is your best friend, blah, blah, blah. That part should be easy to fake. Because I guess we have to, or it's the nuthouse for us. 'Exhaustion,' Johnny will say."
"Lance," Justin said loudly. "Okay. Here's the thing. That you don't know. Remember a few months ago and I told y'all that I'd figured out that I'm bi?" Justin ignored Lance's snort. "Okay, so. For the last few weeks, during the tour and stuff, the thing is I never have done anything with a guy and I've been, uh, exploring my sexuality?"
Lance sat up. "Is that your way of saying you've been getting your freak on with some guy now that you finally figured out that you're very, very queer?"
Justin said, "You could put it that way."
Lance lay back down and said, "I have to pretend to be all virginal with guys and make out with Chris?"
"Chris? Chris is straight, are you nuts?" Justin stood up and stared at Lance. At himself and it was incredibly weird. Justin had seen himself over and over again on camera and in pictures, but this was his body and his face, on his hotel bed. His face set in an expression of exasperation.
"Yes, I got the straight part the three times we've had sex. He's bi, dude. Joey's our only straight guy." Lance sat up and looked at Justin. "Did you seriously not know that?"
"He. Three times? When? I did not know that at all." Justin rubbed his forehead and looked at his hands. He already missed his own hands.
"Yes, three times. In 1997, 1998 and 2001." Lance sighed. "I think it's something that he doesn't do very often, you know, because of the band and things like that. I didn't realize he hadn't told you." Lance looked up and his eyes widened again. "Please don't say JC, you're not fooling around with JC, are you?"
Justin nodded. Lance got up off the bed and slammed his fist into his hand. Justin said, "It's not serious. Just, you know, blowjobs and making out because, you know, I've never, with guys."
"It's ending now. Like, seriously, Justin. After this rehearsal I'm just telling him we're not doing it anymore. I'm not gonna -- I'm not gonna playact learning the joys of gay sex with my ex-boyfriend." Lance looked really upset for a moment and then he calmed down.
"Oh, please, you knew that." Lance turned his back on Justin and his shoulders looked tense.
"I knew you two had a thing, but it's not like, okay, y'all were never very clear about the specifics. So, could you give me a refresher here because I don't wanna make things bad if he talks to me or something." Justin thought about standing up and going over to Lance, but he stayed in his corner of the room.
"I doubt that JC will want to have some heart to heart with me about this." Lance paused. "Yes, we were together, y'all all knew this. Lots of up and downs and back and forth and it's been over for more than a year and we were on and off before that anyway, but yes. Ex-boyfriend is the accurate term. So, I'm sorry, but you'll have to find someone else to fool around with. And when he talks to you, just fucking be nice, for fuck's sake. We get along fine now."
Justin said, "Okay. Okay. Um, you're not seeing anyone now, right? Because I'm not so sure I can be you with some hot stud boyfriend."
Lance turned around and sat in the middle of the bed and looked almost miserable. "I'm not seeing anyone now, I don't have anything scheduled. And you can't screw around with my life, man. No fucking around with FreeLance or any of it. Or the space things. The next rounds of tests aren't for another two weeks or so." Lance paused again and looked down. He shook his head and said, "You need to call Beth and say that the tour is getting busy and you can't take any meetings or anything, you're just gonna do everything by email. And then get me my laptop and PDA so I can take care of things. Is there any of your shit I need to deal with? The solo project things?"
"Nothing that can't be put off. But, how do we know how long this will last?"
Lance looked up and said, "I have no fucking idea."
Justin went back to Lance's room and brought Lance his laptop and PDA. Justin called Beth and left her a message about making sure no one called him about things, so he didn't screw up any of Lance's business. Justin sat on Lance's bed and popped in the game tape and started listening to Lance's part from the show. He sang along a little and thought, fuck, Lance has a really low voice. Not like he didn't know it, but fuck.
It was actually fun, singing Barry White songs and seeing how low he could go. He tried singing his own parts with his new voice and country songs he could remember. Then he got back to practicing Lance's actual parts.
JC called about the rehearsal and Joey called about getting breakfast. Justin blew off Joey and went back to practicing with the tape.
The rehearsal went surprisingly well. If Justin didn't think too hard, his body just did Lance's choreography and Lance had said something at the beginning about sparing his voice so Justin didn't have to sing. He mouthed his new parts under his breath and that seemed to work. As the rehearsal broke up, Justin saw Lance pulling JC aside and Justin sighed. Fuckity fuck. He wondered what Lance was gonna say to JC, to break off Justin's fooling around. He was trying to hear when Joey came up behind him and clapped him on the shoulder.
"Lance, man, I got tapes, let's go watch."
Justin blinked and thought, Lance, I need to answer to Lance now. And watch tapes with Joey, he guessed. Justin tried a smile and said, "Sure. Let me shower first, okay?"
Joey laughed. "Did you turn into Justin overnight or something? Let's just watch the tapes, man." Justin blanched and laughed and when he looked back JC and Lance had left.
Lance got back to his room, to Justin's room, and put in the tape from the show the night before. He warmed up his voice a little, thought, fuck, no longer a bass at all, and then stood up and mimed the choreography a little while he sang. He spent an hour trying to get Justin's vocal parts down and felt he'd made some progress when his phone rang. A call from Lance, or, right, from Justin.
"Hey, Justin," he said quietly.
"Hey, Lance," Justin said quietly. "Look, I'm in the bathroom, pretending to talk to my mother. I just. Man, Joey is making me watch, like, three straight episodes of Smallville."
"Straight is not the word to use about Smallville." Lance grinned and then sighed. Joey, he already missed Joey. "That's cool, man, we've been waiting for those."
"Okay, so I like this? Like, just checking, you like the show?" Justin sounded tired. Lance thought he had a really sexy voice, his own voice was really sexy.
"You like the show. You are sarcastic about it and point out at every opportunity that Clark and Lex are in love. Point that out a lot." Lance sat on the end of the bed and looked at himself in the mirror. Justin had really nice arms.
Justin made a noise that sounded like yeah. Then he said, "And also, what did you say to JC?"
Lance sighed. It'd been weird and stupid. He and JC had had a series of protracted and painful conversations when they ended and it had been mutual but Lance had still felt dumped. He'd thought maybe dumping JC, even as Justin, would feel maybe good. But it was just quick and he was too nice like always. Always too nice with JC who really had dumped him. Lance said, "I told him we shouldn't anymore because I didn't want it to get too serious."
Justin said, "That's good. Good, that works, he said something when we --"
"Yeah, I figured," Lance said. Because of course JC had said something, something along the lines of "this can't hurt the group," and Lance clenched his jaw and turned off the Walkman. "Look, go back and watch Smallville. I don't talk to my mother in the bathroom."
Lance tried to practice again but he kept getting distracted and trying to sing his own parts. After a fruitless half hour, he heard a knock on the door. Lance opened the door and Chris pushed him aside to walk straight in. "J, J, J, I got the new game. Let's hook this up here." Chris started fiddling with the TV and had a Playstation set up in just a few minutes.
Lance sighed. He sat down and thanked God it was a new game because he was pretty sure he couldn't have faked Justin's level of obsessive skill with any of the games they'd already played. Lance concentrated on the game and remembered to nod and grunt at appropriate points when Chris paused. Chris talked a lot. Chris talked even more when it was just Justin, Lance thought. And only half of it was interesting so Lance was glad for the game.
Chris paused the game and said, "Are you even listening?"
Lance said, "Ah, no. I'm sorry." He waved at the game. "I got distracted, what, what were we talking about?"
Chris turned off the game. "What were you talking to C about?"
"Just, uh." And fuck Justin for not telling him if Chris knew, but Chris had to know, it was happening on the bus. So Lance said, "I broke it off. The playing around thing."
"Because. Because, I didn't want it to get too serious or something like that." Lance looked away and rolled his eyes. "And you know, Brit."
Chris said, "Okay. Probably for the best anyway. JC isn't the one for non-committal things. You should'a tried Lance for that, man."
Lance flinched and turned back to Chris. "I like Lance. He's a good guy."
Chris laughed. "And yes, he is. But you know, Lance. He's a big ol' slut."
Lance stood up and walked around a little. He said, "You know, I'm tired. I'm gonna take a nap or something."
Chris cocked his head and looked at him. "Okay. I get it. You wanna do something tonight?"
Lance nodded. "Yeah, yeah, actually, let's call everybody and go out as a group. We don't do that enough."
Chris smiled and said, "Yeah. I'll call everybody, you nap."
Lance wanted to call his mom, but it's not like she wouldn't recognize Justin's voice. He wanted to watch Smallville with Joey. Instead he flopped on the bed and tried to sleep.
He practiced more when he woke up and they all went out to dinner for once. JC sat next to him, and Lance sighed. He was being punished somehow, for something, because this was hell. Lance muttered, "This is hell."
JC said, "Hell is other people," and smiled.
Lance said, "Uh?" as Justin said, "Sartre." Justin had taken French with his tutor and Lance had only taken two years of Spanish, but Justin's pronunciation was pretty good. Justin said, "No Exit, I -- Justin, you don't remember now, but you did a report on it. You told me about it and now I remember and you don't." Justin smiled. "It's a play, you said, and they're all trapped together forever and that's hell."
Lance nodded. "That's not what I meant, but, yeah, I remember now."
They ate and Joey charmed the waitress and was the only one who ordered dessert. Lance thought he wasn't in love with Joey, but he missed getting to watch Smallville with him more than he missed sex.
Justin followed him into his room and Lance flopped on the bed and said, "How was your day?"
Justin said, "It sucked." He lay down next to Lance and sighed.
"Well, you know, nice save at dinner."
Justin snorted. "I can't believe they haven't figured us out."
"I know, but. Who would think this would happen?"
"We're being punished for something, man." Justin sighed again and rolled over on his side. Lance looked at Justin, at his body, and thought, man, I'm sexy. Buff and nice looking, damn it.
Justin grinned. "You're admiring yourself, aren't you?"
"Man, you don't even smile like me." Lance grinned back and said, "You smile like you've always had perfect teeth all in a row and no one ever compared your teeth to a shark's."
Justin laughed. He said, "You think you're hot, don't you? You're just staring at me and going, I'm so hot. Look at how hot I am."
Lance sat up and cocked his head. "You know, I am. And I just. Shit, Justin, we should." Lance paused and looked over at Justin, stretched out and really, if Lance were being brutally honest, scrumptious. "Justin, I could give you a blowjob that would blow your fucking mind. Curl your toes and everything."
Justin raised an eyebrow. "You mean, now? Like blow me now?" Same Justin expression on Lance's face but Lance could recognize interest easily enough.
"Man. No one knows that dick like me. I give good head, but to myself? Curl your toes, heart attack orgasm, I swear. And then you can do me, just, you know, everything you like." Lance took off his shirt and ran his hand up Justin's thigh. He thought, also, I have nice thighs. Strong and muscular.
Justin nodded and said, "Yeah. Yeah, let's do that. We should get something good out of this, right?" He reached for his shirt and Lance stopped him.
Lance smirked. "Seriously, sit back. I know what you want." Justin sat back and Lance straddled him for a moment and then lowered himself onto Justin, kissing Justin briefly before moving down to kiss Justin's jaw. Justin shuddered a little and then moaned as Lance licked his Adam's apple. A little teeth, Lance thought, you know you like that and Justin moaned again. Lance said, "See?" and Justin grunted an assent.
Lance pushed up a little, keeping his mouth against Justin's neck and pushed Justin's legs apart with his own legs. Justin's legs, really, and Lance needed to stop that train of thought so he could get on with this. Lance sat up slightly and pushed Justin's t-shirt up slowly. Fingertips pressed against Justin's stomach and up his chest. Lance licked Justin's neck again, waited to see if Justin would moan again, and Justin even bucked his hips up. Lance thought, fuck, I moan sexy.
Lance moved his head down to Justin's stomach and licked and kissed and nipped. Lance decided not to dwell on how turned on he was by his own stomach and ran his hands over Justin's crotch, pushing down but not that much. Justin said, "Fuck," low and throaty and Lance decided he needed to do that a lot more. When he got his body back.
Lance sat up completely and Justin looked up and blinked. He was flushed and panting a little and said, "Lance? Could you keep going, please?"
Lance laughed and said, "Trust me." Then, "Wait, do you have lube?"
Justin blinked again. "Um, I'm okay with a blowjob, but I don't think I'm ready for --"
"Justin, calm down. Still just a blowjob, just, you know, I know what I like, and I know what's good, period, and there's gonna be some, you know, fingers will be involved."
Justin nodded. "Okay, okay. Um, I don't have any in my bag. JC's done that to me, so, yeah, but he has the stuff."
Lance nodded and patted Justin's stomach. "Wait here." Lance went to the bathroom and found some hand lotion and sat back down. Justin was rubbing his pants and Lance laughed. "Stop that." He moved Justin's hand away and moved his own hand over Justin's crotch, lightly. Lance said, "Trust me," once more and deeply missed his own voice. He sounded only slightly husky. Justin had a speaking voice like a girl, damn it.
Lance put the hand lotion by Justin's hip and started tugging at Justin's jeans. He ran his fingers under the waistband, against Justin's warm skin. "You're really hot," Lance said and Justin laughed, his stomach shaking under Lance's hands.
"Yeah, Lance Bass is really hot," Justin sputtered. Lance unbuttoned Justin's jeans and pulled down the zipper quickly. Justin was still giggling a little until Lance roughly dragged Justin's pants and underwear down to his knees. Justin gasped and said, "Okay, okay, you are hot."
Lance grabbed Justin's ankles and pulled until Justin's ass was balanced precariously on the edge of the bed. Lance made sure Justin's pants and underwear were all the way off and pushed Justin's knees apart. He rested his hands on Justin's thighs and thought again, I have great thighs. They were already trembling a little and Lance smirked at the tremors under his hands. He rubbed his cheek against the top of Justin's thigh, his nose just barely touching the hair there. Justin moaned again and swore and Lance smirked.
Justin twitched. Lance wrapped his hand around the base of Justin's dick, his own dick, and didn't that feel nice. Bigger hands, Lance thought. Nice happy hard dick, Lance thought. He moved his hand just a little and nudged Justin's balls aside with his nose and started licking. He lifted Justin's hips because he never did get to see this part. Nice, he thought. He flicked out his tongue and then dived in. Justin was loud in his appreciation and Lance thought JC must have never shown Justin the joys of a good rimjob. Lance let go of Justin's dick and reached for the hand lotion. He opened it with difficulty and emptied some on his hand.
He went back to stroking Justin's dick, slowly and not moving very high while Justin said, "Fuck, fuck, fuck." Lance let go of Justin's hips and let him fall back onto the bed. Let go of Justin's dick and then one long lick from base to tip. Justin bucked up and Lance put one hand against Justin's hip to push him down. Lance licked a spiral around Justin's dick and reveled, fucking reveled in the sheer beauty of his lovely dick. He sucked a little at the tip, salty sweet and he'd tasted that before but this was even better. And now, Lance thought, mind over inexperienced body and he dipped down to try and deep-throat the whole length.
Not as far as Lance could go, but far enough and Justin wasn't even saying words anymore. Lance pushed one lotioned finger inside Justin and gagged as Justin bucked up again. Hot, hot, hot, he thought. Beyond hot, because Lance was really in love with his whole body right now. He moved his head back and started bobbing up and down, sucking and licking and when he pushed in the second finger, Justin came with a shout and Lance swallowed and lapped up the rest. Justin shuddered as Lance touched him.
Lance was really hard and very turned on and he pushed Justin back up on the bed and clambered up next to him. "How was that," he said softly.
"You weren't fucking kidding about the toe-curling heart attack orgasm, were you?" Justin whispered. Still a damn sexy voice. "I mean, wow, I've never. Fuck, man, you do give great head."
Lance was almost humping Justin, he was so hard but Justin was boneless and twitching so he rested against Justin's side. He did shove his crotch against Justin's a hip a little.
Justin said, "Oh, right, you." Justin turned on his side and said, "'Kay, I'm not so practiced with the blowjobs, but you know, I know how to jerk myself off. And you know, it'll be a decent handjob at least." Justin pulled down Lance's pants. Lance looked down and thought, oh. Justin's a grower and not a show-er. Justin had a really nice dick. Bigger than he would have thought.
Justin moved over and licked Lance's nipples and Lance never really been into that, but apparently Justin's body was. Or maybe it was just fun with Justin doing it. Justin licked and nipped a little and wow, that was nice. Sparks just from that and Justin alternated between the two nipples for a minute and Lance was panting just from that. He decided to definitely revisit that not really into nipple play thing when he had his body back.
Justin reached down with his hand and wrapped it around Lance's dick. Justin said, "Huh. Your hands, huh." Justin flexed his hand a little and Lance closed his eyes because that was very nice. Justin moved closer and twined his legs around Lance's legs. He rubbed his thigh between Lance's legs and again with the nice, Lance thought. He thrust against Justin's hand and bit his lip. Justin smiled and kissed him hard. Justin's hand pumped up and down and his thumb flicked over the head of Lance's dick and Lance could feel everything building. A pump and a near squeeze and Justin brought up his heel hard, rubbing against the back of Lance's knee and Lance thought, what, and then came, almost shouting against Justin's lips and practically passed out.
When he could form words, Lance said, "That knee thing? Did you pick that up from Ally McBeal?"
Justin laughed. "Nope. I'm just, you know, pretty flexible. And I like to let my hands wander and I figured it out. That was good for you?"
"Yes," Lance said, and kissed Justin hard. "You know it."
Justin sat up and said, "Okay. I should get back to my room. As soon as I can walk."
Lance laughed. "I'm just gonna lie here a little while, okay?"
Justin groaned and pushed off the bed. "Works for me." Lance rolled over and set his alarm and fell asleep before Justin reached the door.
Justin woke up to a cell phone ringing next to his head and thought, fuck, and opened the phone. "Hello," he muttered.
"Lance, Lance," Joey's happy voice said, and Justin thought, oh, fuck. Still Lance, still Lance and fuck. They had a show tonight and he'd have to remember, along with everything else, to get on the right damn bus.
Justin said, "It's early."
Joey said, "Yes, it certainly is. But you know what? Kelly sent a CD, come over and see your goddaughter, man, because she's beautiful and it just came." Joey laughed a little and Justin agreed to come right over.
Joey had set up his laptop and he turned the video player on as soon as Justin came in the room. Videos of Brianna, eating and laughing and standing up and everything. Joey played his videos for everyone, but not all of them, and Justin didn't get to see them first, ever. He leaned over and laughed and she was a beautiful little girl. He said, "Man, she's the cutest thing ever."
Joey beamed. "You know it."
They ordered room service breakfast and chatted a little. Mostly stuff Justin could handle easily, small talk but then Joey said, "So, Justin'd been screwing around with JC, did you know that?" Joey was looking down at his food.
"He was?" Because Lance hadn't known, right, so Justin should be surprised.
"Yeah. He finally figures out he's queer as a three-dollar bill and then, you know, it's Justin, he needs to know how to do things the best ever. Anyway, they're not anymore. JC told me yesterday. I guess," Joey looked up briefly and Justin thought, Lance might be more upset about this than the way I'm reacting. Justin tried to look pissed or something. Joey said, "I guess Justin was worried things might get complicated."
Justin nodded. "Yeah, that makes sense. You know, JC."
Joey laughed. "I know Justin. Ooooh-blivious."
Justin bit his lip. "He's not stupid."
Joey snorted. "Not stupid, no. But come on, took him until he was twenty to figure out he wanted boys? Kid's been checking my ass out since I met him. And yours."
"Have n-- it takes some people time. He's not stupid." Justin thought he had not been checking out Joey's ass. Ever. Not that he was aware of. Really.
"Well, hello, Lance. Did you wake up possessed by Mother Teresa, man? This is quite a reversal of your 'if he doesn't figure it out soon, I'm gonna jump him myself as a service to all gay men of the world' attitude." Joey laughed and Justin fumed.
"We were talking last night. I like Justin, you know." Fucking Lance, what an asshole.
"You like his hot body, yes, and of course, everyone likes Justin, but okay. Fine, you're being a better person than me." Joey laughed again and got up, closing the laptop. "We have some time until we have to get to the arena, wanna do something?"
Justin started saying something about practicing and there was a knock at the door. Lance, or right, Justin, standing at the door and Lance grinned wide at Joey. He said, "Hey, I was looking for you two."
Joey said, "Here we are. What's up?"
Lance looked at Joey like he never wanted to look away and Justin wondered if Lance had a crush on him or something. Then Lance said, "Well. Heh. Good news," and he sounded like his good news was that someone had cut off his dick. Lance said, "Brit called this morning. I guess I forgot to call her yesterday or something and she's coming in two days, in the morning. Just for a day. But that's nice, isn't it, Britney's coming." Lance wasn't faking his enthusiasm very well.
"You forgot to call Britney?" Justin rubbed his eyes.
"Yes, yes, I did. I forgot to call Britney like I apparently do two or three times a day. She was very worried when she called me this morning at 6 a.m. But then she had the good news about coming out to see me." Lance plastered a smile on his face and almost looked convincing. Justin wanted to call Britney, and he sighed.
"Well, cool, it's always great to see Brit," Joey said. "Thanks for letting us know, man."
Justin stood up and said, "Hey, I got things before we get to the arena, Joey, I'll catch you later. Your - my goddaughter is the cutest thing ever." He walked out with Lance.
Lance sighed. "Did he get a new CD from Kelly?"
Justin grinned. "Yeah, totally. Man, she's a cutie."
Lance nodded. "Yup. Sorry about not calling Britney, I didn't even think."
"And now she's coming out here? It'd be nice to see her, but." Justin paused in front of his door, Lance's door, but his now.
"You're not the one who has to pretend to be attracted to her. What if she wants to do stuff?" Lance was whispering and leaning forward, looking pissed off.
"Close your eyes and think of England, man. Or naked English men. Don't fuck things up with my girlfriend." Justin opened his door and watched Lance trudge back to his room. He saw Chris pop out of his room and Justin smiled, started to shout for Chris but Chris waved at Justin and ran after Lance. Because, yeah, how often did Chris hang out with Lance, and that was not much at all. Justin sighed and went into his room and practiced Lance's parts until they had to go to the arena.
Lance found the soundcheck and rehearsal nerve-wracking. He hadn't been this nervous before a performance since Germany. Justin, Justin, he thought, answer to Justin. Justin who was dating Britney and she would be here in two days. Lance sighed and did his job.
He stood next to Chris and JC at the soundcheck thing and looked over at Justin a lot. He could fake this part, no problem, he just wanted the show to be okay.
The show went okay. Lance didn't miss any notes, didn't forget words, made it through Gone and the reworking of I Want You Back. He hoped no one had been there two nights ago, as both songs were absolutely identical to that show, no riffing, no changed notes. Lance wasn't about to turn into Justin and start improvising or scatting or crap like that. But it went okay. If he didn't think too much, his body moved the way it was supposed to, and he'd practiced enough he didn't really have to think to sing. He remembered to smile and when he looked over at Justin, he seemed to be doing okay. No one said anything as they ran to the buses and Lance knew no one would have hesitated to point out if he'd screwed up the damn show, so he thought it was okay.
Chris pushed his shoulder and said, "You switching buses?"
Lance laughed and said, "No, no, of course not." He looked over at Joey and Justin getting in their bus and didn't sigh.
He showered and watched the tape of the show, watching himself closely and thinking he'd done okay. JC had drifted away and Chris was reading something and it was fine, and quiet. Lance switched the tape off and climbed into his bunk.
He'd almost fallen asleep when JC climbed in next to him. JC said, "Hey," quietly.
Lance closed his eyes and said, "We're not doing this anymore, okay?" He bit back the "you said we aren't doing this anymore," because that was Lance and JC, not Justin and JC.
JC said, "I know. I just, you look really worn down and I thought. We can just sleep and you said, you like to sleep with." Lance thought, you. Everyone liked sleeping with JC, and not just in the sexual sense. He could get out of this but he didn't want to.
Lance nodded and pulled JC closer. Fine, fine, he was over JC but he'd always loved falling asleep next to him and he was tired and worn down from playing Justin Timberlake. Justin's body fit differently against JC's than Lance's, and he thought, of course, and Justin was taller than JC even if by just a little. But JC felt the same against him, warm and Lance sighed, almost happy. JC petted his hair and said, "sssh, sleep tight."
Lance woke up and thought, JC. He moved his hand and thought, fuck, still fucking Justin. And, God, sleeping, just sleeping with JC was very nice but waking up with JC sucked. Because it was too many memories and Lance was over it, over JC, he really was but this felt like an open gaping wound. Lance couldn't stop himself from kissing JC's neck, lightly, but he pushed himself out of the bunk roughly and went to the bathroom.
He was eating cereal, because he was Justin and Justin ate cereal and Lance just wanted fruit, maybe, or maybe eggs, but no, cereal for Justin. Lance hated Justin a lot. He didn't look up when Chris said good morning because Justin wouldn't say anything. Bless the boy's reputation for being a bear in the morning. Fuck Chris. Lance smirked because he had and Chris had whimpered and loved it.
Chris leaned over and said, "I thought you and C weren't."
Lance frowned again. "We were just sleeping. He was being nice. He's nice to sleep with. Fuck off."
Chris frowned and stepped back. "What's wrong with you lately? Are you mad at me, the last two days you've been. Kind of weird."
Lance looked down at his cereal. He said, "It's just. It's not you. Things're weird. With Britney. And me. Things're weird with me. I'm sorry."
Chris was quiet and Lance looked up. He wasn't used to seeing Chris like this, looking a little sad and vulnerable. Even the three times they'd fucked, even then, Chris had been laughing and making jokes. Lance tried a smile and said, "I couldn't be mad at you, man. I mean, unless you left Jell-O in my bunk again. Then I'd be mad."
Chris laughed a little and said, "Okay. Look, you know, you know you can tell me this shit."
"I know," Lance said. "Seriously, I do. And if I can make sense of things and figure out what to say, you'll be the first."
Then the bus got in to the hotel, and Lance went to his room and listened to his tape of Justin actually singing Justin's parts and practiced.
Justin walked in circles around his hotel room and sang along with his tape. He wanted to call Chris. He wanted to talk to his mom or Britney. He turned off the tape and flopped on the bed. A knock on the door and he almost hugged Chris when he saw him standing there. Chris said, "Hey, Lance," and Justin remembered all over again.
Justin stepped back to let Chris in and said, "Hey."
Chris sat down on the bed and said, "How it's hanging, Bass?"
"Uh, good. Good." Justin leaned against the dresser, because he was Lance and he wouldn't stand up straight.
"Hey, you know what's up with Justin?"
Justin shook his head. And wait, fuck, he had been talking to Lance, or Justin or whatever, a lot the last few days so he should say something more. "I dunno. We've talked a little the last few days and he just seems, uh, weird. He'll work through it."
Chris rubbed his chin. "You know. Yeah, I think Brit's cheating on him. I think she has been for a few months."
Justin stood up straight and clenched his jaw. Fuck, fuck. And then, fuck, Lance wouldn't be this upset. He said, "Why do you think that?"
Chris said, "I do. I don't think he's noticed, but she's. Yeah, from things he's said, and from her. I think she is."
And Chris was really good, he was very perceptive about other people and Justin swallowed and thought, fuck. Fucking Britney. Cheating on him. He said, "Bitch."
Chris raised an eyebrow and said, "Well. Justin's just the kind of idiot who went and told her he's bi. So I can see her side, here. She shouldn't be, but, man, can you imagine? You know, Brit, we've never done the dirty, and I think, maybe, I want to do it with guys. In fact, I'm not gonna tell you, but I'm gonna start on that right away. Add in that they never see each other."
"I --" Justin swallowed. He wasn't an idiot. He was being honest with one of his best friends and he thought she deserved to know and he'd said he wouldn't do anything and he'd meant it, well, then. Justin said, "It's still not right."
Chris snorted. "Well, no. Hey, I like Brit, but you know, that relationship has always been a little whack."
Justin pushed off the dresser and said, "I gotta pee, wait a sec." He stared at himself in the mirror and looked down again because there wasn't anything comforting about staring at Lance. His fucking girlfriend, sleeping with someone else. And damn it, he was pretty sure Chris was right when he really thought about it. He'd just been fooling around with JC and it wasn't the same, no matter what his mother thought or Chris and, fuck.
He walked out and said, "Well, I don't think Justin knows, so that's not why he's acting weird."
Chris nodded. "Yeah, well, worth a check." Chris got up and clapped Justin on the arm and left. Justin sank down on the bed and rubbed his eyes.
He called Lance. "Lance, what are you doing?"
"Practicing your damn parts," Lance said.
"Yeah, fuck you, too. Can you come over here, please?" Justin hung up and waited for Lance. Twenty minutes later he opened the door and let Lance in. "Took you long enough."
"Yeah, whatever, Justin. What's up?"
Justin looked down at his feet. "Chris thinks Brit is cheating on me."
Lance made a face and said, "Yeah."
"You knew that?"
Lance reached out and rubbed Justin's shoulder. "I knew Chris thought that. He hadn't told me, but he told JC and JC told me."
Lance pulled Justin into a hug and it was nice, Justin hadn't expected that. He clung to Lance for a moment and thought, fuck. Pretty damn miserable over here.
Lance said, "Do you want me to dump her when she gets here? Or ask her about it?"
Justin said, "No. When we're back to normal, whenever the fuck that happens, I'll do it. Just act normal with her."
Lance laughed. "That's not gonna happen, but as close to normal as I can fake, sure."
Then it was time to go to the arena and Lance hung out with Chris and Justin sat next to Joey. Joey at least didn't bug him. Joey was actually kind of funny and sweet and it was easier to be in an almost bad mood with him than with Chris. Sort of.
The show went fine, near as Justin could tell. He smiled at the fans and didn't think about things and it was sort of a learning experience, seeing the show from Lance's perspective. Lance was giving a note perfect performance of the last show Justin had done in his own body and it was sort of funny. Justin thought Lance would have wanted to play, to riff or embellish, but Lance stuck to the basics.
After the show they were in a hotel so Justin went to Lance's room, his room, whatever and knocked on the door. Looked twice and made sure no one saw him and when Lance opened the door, he went in.
"Lance," he said, "Let's do that thing like we did."
Lance laughed. "You mean make out? Sure, I'm up for that. I have to be interested in girls tomorrow, I'm up for actually getting off tonight."
Justin sat on the bed. "Except, I want," he paused. Swallowed. He said, "I want you to fuck me."
Lance said, "No."
Justin looked at his hands. "No, I think it's a good idea. Because, this works really well. Because, isn't it -- it's painful the first time or something and instead I can do it in your body and it won't hurt as much. Right?"
"It's not like you're a girl, Justin." Lance sighed. "It hurts a little, I guess." Justin looked up and he decided he was going to call the half-wistful, half-sad expression Lance's JC face. Lance said, "Actually, my first time doing that was pretty good. It was great, really."
"See? So it would be perfect. Maybe this is supposed to be my gay vacation or something. You know how to do it right and you'd make it good for me, because it's your body and you'd know how. I think you'd enjoy it." Lance was looking away. Justin said, "Seriously, Lance, I want to do this. And JC and I talked about it, and like, fucking and stuff."
Lance said, "This is a bad idea. Just because Britney's cheating on you, it doesn't mean you should suddenly do this."
"That's not why," Justin said. "Okay, maybe a little. But not the way you think. I mean, I haven't been doing things because of me and Brit, and if she's not honoring that and I haven't really been honoring it and it seems, like, yeah, this is a perfect set-up. Lance, seriously."
Lance said, "It'll be weird in the morning."
"I'm probably gonna wake up as you again, so. It's a given." Lance actually laughed.
Lance said, "Are you absolutely sure?"
Justin nodded and said, "Yes."
Lance pressed his lips together and then said, "No chance you have lube and condoms with you right?"
Justin shook his head and felt his stomach turn a little. Really happening, and he was ready. Just a little nervous. Lance held out his hand and said, "Gimme my room key. I'll get them from my bag."
Justin brought his legs up and sat on the bed, resting his forehead against his knees. He thought, relax, and then, ready ready. Lance came back in and put the things down on the bed. He took off his shirt and said, "Are you ready, seriously?"
Justin smiled and looked up. "Yes." He took off his own shirt and then they were both naked and Lance pushed him back on the bed. Lance kissed him, quick and nasty and Justin ran his hands down Lance's arms. He said, "Okay."
Lance licked his neck and Justin leaned his head back because it was just, yeah, hot. Lance said, "We're gonna. Okay, I'm gonna blow you again. And then we'll do this and you'll be all relaxed. Because, your body has done this before. I mean, mine has. Okay?"
Justin bit his lip and said, "Yeah, I'm not gonna complain if you want to do that thing again. And you've done this before, right, a lot, so it'll be fine."
"A lot?" Lance moved away a little, his hand still on Justin's chest. "Pardon me for getting laid."
Justin rolled over and kissed Lance. "I didn't mean it like that, come on. Come on, I want you, you're gonna make this good, come on."
Lance smiled and said, "Oh, fine. Like I'm really gonna complain about getting to deflower Justin Timberlake."
They were tangled up, legs and arms, and Justin laid back and let Lance push him down. Justin closed his eyes and felt Lance moving his way down like steam against his chest and stomach. And then, and then. Justin opened his eyes as Lance's tongue touched his dick and he closed them again and all over again, it was the most amazing thing. Lance and his mouth and his tongue and his fingers pushing in and Justin came and swore. He was boneless and blissful and he rubbed his stomach as Lance crawled up next to him. "Turn over," Lance said.
Justin rolled over slowly, opened his eyes for a moment and saw Lance looking down, intent. Justin laughed and clung to a pillow. He said, "You really love yourself, don't you?"
Lance laughed a little as he shoved a pillow under Justin's hips. Lance said, "Don't you? Don't you look over and go, man, I'm hot?"
Justin said, "I guess. But I've just, I've seen myself so much in pictures and videos and I know what I look like and people are always saying it and pushing me around to get the right angle --" Justin drifted off as Lance ran his hands over Justin's ass and Justin, thought, yes yes please.
Lance said quietly, "You've always been beautiful," and Justin thought, oh. And he meant to say something more but Lance was pressed against his back and warm against his neck and his hands, his fingers were circling around down there and Justin just bit the pillow.
He moaned as Lance pushed the first finger in and fuck, JC might've been good, but Lance should give lessons. Right there and he wanted more and he squirmed and just said it. Lance said, "Yeah, yeah," like it was nothing and added another finger and a twist. Like it was nothing except Justin wanted more and he didn't quite understand how all of this could feel so good and leave him aching for more. He didn't know what, just more and he moaned it again.
Lance said, "Point taken," and then it was three and okay. A different kind of ache and he clutched at his pillow. Lance said, "Relax," and his fingers moved slowly and Lance was rubbing his back, kissing his spine, and it wasn't so bad. Lance said, "So, you're hot, you're hot, you know that?"
Justin laughed, relaxed, and said, "You mean you, right? Cause, yeah, you're fucking hot."
Lance moved and pushed in again and Justin fell back on the old faithful and squirmed again and said, "Ready ready please."
And then, and then, the tip and more and hurt more than ached but Lance said, "Relax, I've had bigger," and Justin laughed again and it didn't really hurt in a bad way at all. It felt like something, something good. He wanted to laugh again but he could only moan and crush the pillow between his arms. He was hard again and he moved his hips, tried to get something against his dick and Lance moved back and in and Justin thought he could only feel his ass and his dick. And they both felt fucking good.
Lance said, "You okay?" and Justin grunted something like yes and Lance said, "Good. Because I want to put these hips to use." Justin tried to force out another laugh but then Lance did put his hips to use and it was a fast rhythm, a building rhythm and not quite a one-two, one-two but something with a backbeat and bright, white, right, right. Right and when Lance reached under Justin's body and his hands skimmed across Justin's stomach to his dick, Justin thought he was completely lost. He inhaled twice and heard himself panting and then Lance pushed in again and squeezed just a little and Justin came loudly and opened his eyes to see white sheet, white pillow, white headboard. He gasped and couldn't move a muscle and it was all just amazing.
He blinked and blinked again and Lance was rubbing his shoulders. Lance said, "You okay?"
"Fucking awesome. I, damn it, why did I fucking wait, that was fuck." Justin let go of the pillow and rolled on his side. "Though, fuck, wish we'd done this in my room."
Lance said, "You can stay. I have to leave early to get Britney at the airport, but you can, you know, get up after that."
Justin said, "Britney." He sat up and winced. He rubbed his ass and stood up and found his clothes. He pulled on his underwear and thought, I still feel good. He sat back down on the bed.
Lance was behind him and he kissed Justin's ear. "Are you okay? It's gonna be weird in the morning, isn't it?"
Justin laughed. "You're gonna pick up Brit in the morning and I'm gonna have another damn breakfast with Joey, so weird is already taken care of. I'm okay, I loved it." Justin leaned back and rested his head against Lance's chest. "It was really good and thank you."
He got his clothes on and walked to the door. He was sore already and he said, "I'll be okay for tomorrow's show, right?"
Lance was already under the covers and he smirked. A completely Lance smirk on Justin's face and he said, "Don't worry. Once, I did it with two guys five hours before a show. Before Popodyssey, man, trust me, my body can take that."
Justin thought, two guys, and said, "Give my love to Britney."
He woke up sore and rubbed his head and knew he was still Lance. Or stuck in Lance's body or whatever the fuck was going on. He felt weird and he wanted to talk to his mother. His mother, or Chris or someone who knew him.
Instead he got Joey. Joey hung out with Lance a fucking lot more than Justin ever realized. They are breakfast together and Justin didn't say much. Joey looked at him closely a few times, Justin could tell, but maybe he didn't push Lance when Lance was in a bad mood. Justin sighed and wished for Chris again.
He got his wish when Chris showed up at his door. Chris, Justin thought, was clearly something close to angry. Joey picked up on it, too, and said, "Chris, what's wrong?"
Chris said, "Joey, can we have a moment here? Me and the big slut?"
Joey said, "Fuck you, Chris. You know who was a big slut at twenty-two? Fucking you, you asshole. You were a fucking slut until you decided you couldn't fuck every boy you met because of the band!"
Justin tried not to gasp. He said, "Wait." He swallowed and said, "Joey, let me talk to Chris, okay? I'll find you later." Joey walked out and slammed the door. Justin said, "Chris, what's wrong? Why are you pissed at me?"
Chris said, "You. Last night. Sending Justin to get the lube and condoms so the two of you could fuck around. So you two could fuck!"
Justin sighed and sat down on the bed. He said, "It's what I -- it's what Justin wanted. Justin begged me. Justin wanted it." And here Justin had promised himself to never ever refer to himself in the third person. He sighed. "Fuck, Chris, what kind of person do you think I am?"
Chris sighed and sat down next to him. "You're right." Chris tapped Justin's knee and it was all he could do not to throw himself in Chris's arms. Chris said, "I do know you. I know you wouldn't. He's really weird lately, Lance, I don't what going's on with him. He's not there for the last few days and I'm worried about him."
Justin wanted to cry. He said, "Chris. He wanted to. We didn't. We didn't talk much, he wanted to do it, I tried to talk him out of it and he talked me out of not doing it." Justin thought, fuck. Chris, I had sex. He said, "Justin's probably a little fucked up this morning."
Chris sighed. He squeezed Justin's knee and said, "Right. And lord knows, seeing Brit will help that." Chris said, "Okay. I'll go apologize to Joey. And you know, sorry."
"It's okay. I'm a big gay slut." Justin laughed. "I'm Lance, the big gay slut. I slept with two guys five hours before a concert last year. Go me."
Chris laughed and said, "Dude. I've heard that story, okay? Talk to you later."
Justin fell back on the bed after Chris left and stared at the ceiling. He wasn't sure how long it had been before he heard the next knock on the door. "Oh, good," he said. He opened the door and said, "Joey," but it was JC. Looking serious. Justin said, "JC. Hey. Come in."
JC came in and stood by the window. "Lance, there's this thing I need to talk to you about."
Justin sighed. He flopped back on the bed. "Shoot."
JC said, "This isn't easy. Lance, I need to tell you something." Justin sighed again. JC smiled and said, "Sorry. Okay, here's the thing. Me and Justin. We're, we were," and JC emphasized the 'were,' and then said, "we were fooling around. He said something about exploring his sexuality and I ended up. We were doing things. And he broke it off because he thought it was maybe getting too serious but it wasn't."
Lance patted Britney's knee and smiled down at her. Pretty, he thought, and he'd really rather lick battery acid. He sighed and put his arm around her. "Sorry, babe, I'm just completely exhausted," he said.
"It's okay, Justin." Britney smiled and looked out the window. She said, "It's good to see you."
He kissed her forehead and said, "It's always good to see you."
His phone rang and he looked at the number. Justin, fuck. Lance popped it open and said, "Lance. What's up?"
Justin sounded ragged and upset. He said, "Lance, fuck, I'm sorry, I fucked things up. With JC, I fucked things up, he's really upset with you, with me, and I don't know what I did."
Lance closed his eyes. He let go of Britney and moved a little over in the seat. "What are you talking about?" Britney looked up at the concern in his voice and he smiled a little at her.
Justin said, "Okay, he came over to talk to me. To talk to Lance. About Justin. About how he'd been fooling around with me, with Justin. And he said how you said, you broke off things because you thought things were getting too serious. You, as me," Justin sighed. "Anyway, so he said it wasn't. That he couldn't fall in love with, with Justin. I'm just gonna say the names, okay?"
Lance said, "Lance, calm down." He took Britney's hand and squeezed it. "Keep going."
"So, he says he couldn't be serious about Justin. He said he loved you, he loved, loves Lance, so he couldn't love Justin. And I felt like a shit, because you know, that's just between the two of you. But, he said he loves you and nothing's changed, and he's really over you, and he doesn't love Justin. And he asked me if I was okay with all that. And I said, I was fine with it and he looked incredibly hurt and I don't know why and I'm sorry."
"You just said you were fine? Did you say it pissy or something?" Lance sighed.
"I said, I'm fine, C, and he just winced and said, okay, all sad. I'm sorry." Justin sounded close to tears.
"You called him C?" Lance swallowed. "That's. Okay. I'll call you later, Lance, and we'll talk more."
Lance closed his eyes and closed the phone. Fucking Justin. Fucking stupid stupid Justin. Britney looked over at him and said, "Is everything okay?"
Lance kept his eyes closed and squeezed her hand again. "Lance has a thing. When we get back to the hotel, I need to talk to him. I'm sorry."
When they got back to the hotel, Britney kissed him on the cheek as he left his room. He went to Lance's room and knocked. No answer and he said, "Lance, it's me, Justin."
Justin opened the door and ushered him in. "I just. I didn't want to talk anybody else."
"I don't ever call him 'C.' We talked about it once, when we first started. After we first kissed, really. And he said he'd noticed that, that I always called him JC and he liked it. He used to," Lance sat down and rubbed his eyes. "He used to say things about the way I said his name, at different times." Lance thought this worse than licking battery acid. It felt about as painful, but somehow worse that he had to explain things to Justin. At least Justin looked completely miserable.
Lance said, "So. You called him C, and he thought, he probably assumed you, or I, he thought Lance was really pissed and dismissing him. Treating him like he was just someone not important or something."
Justin said, "I'm sorry." Justin looked down. "I should talk to him again, explain or something."
Lance said, "Please." He sighed and flopped back on the bed. "God, this is hell. What did I do to deserve this? Do you think God really does hate fags?"
Justin was over him in a heartbeat, a warm hand on his face, and then Justin was kissing him lightly. "Shut up, Lance, that's so not true. It's just not. I'm not, I don't know, but I know that, okay? There's nothing wrong with you. I fucked up. I'll fix it. You explained things and I'll make things right with JC. Okay?"
Lance sighed. "Will you fuck Britney for me? She wants to make out, I think."
Justin kissed his cheek again. "Brit and I aren't fucking. And I can't make out with her, I have these things to do. But if you need to fob her off on me, it's okay. It's not like y'all aren't friends."
"Isn't that weird for you? I mean, did the big deed last night and now hang out with your girlfriend and pretend to be me?" Lance rubbed Justin's back because Justin was being awfully nice.
"It's okay. I feel better now. I felt all weird when I woke up, but now I feel better." Justin hugged him and stood up. "So, I'm gonna go talk to JC and make things up to him, and you better go amuse Brit. You love her. I think. I mean, I don't want to hurt her. So, yeah."
Lance got up and hugged Justin again and said, "Got it. I am so very bi, I like girls, too, I do, I do." Lance didn't think he sounded very convincing but Justin smiled warmly and Lance couldn't stop himself from grinning back.
Another hug from Britney when he got back to his room and she looked up at him and said, "Is Lance okay? Did he have some thing with JC?"
Lance made sure to keep his hands on Britney and said, "Yeah. It's okay. They'll work it out." He steeled himself and bent down a little and kissed her. Britney pushed closer and kissed back, more passionately than Lance had managed to muster so far.
Okay, he thought. Close your eyes and think of England. England didn't turn him on so he thought about JC. That started to work and he kissed back and pushed Britney gently back to the bed. He was on top of her and he thought, breasts. Women have breasts, he should probably touch them. He propped himself up on one hand and thought, Justin is strong, he could do that. He rubbed her breast a little and moved his hand down, nudging her shirt up. She moaned a little. Lance thought about JC again, and Justin naked, and he was definitely hard. He rubbed against Britney, and she moaned again.
Lance flipped them over and said, "Brit, you. You be in charge," and he thought that was a pretty brilliant idea. He had no idea how Justin and Britney usually did these things, but she still smiled and sat up. She straddled him and rocked against his dick and yeah, even with a girl that was pretty nice. She kissed him and okay, kissing was nice. He closed his eyes and pretended her small hands were Justin's and kept concentrating on the way things felt. Not that he'd suddenly switched from JC to Justin in his quest to keep hard in the face of a girl.
She got him off and that was nice and he reached up under her skirt, pushing aside her panties. Lance could fingerfuck, and he remembered in a minute some of Joey's drunken boasting on the bus. Clitoris, he thought, respect the clitoris. He didn't laugh and he kissed her again as she came. "You've gotten better at that," she said, smiling. "Taking lessons?"
Lance tried to chuckle. He said, "No, no. Just wanted things to be good for you." Britney kissed his cheek and jumped off the bed. She went into the bathroom and he heard the shower start. He rolled over and called Justin. No answer. He sighed again.
Britney was around for the soundcheck and he hung with her before the show. She chattered on about things and it was fine. Lance was used to listening to Britney and all he really had to do was put on his serious face and make the appropriate noises. Justin came in halfway through and Britney jumped up and hugged him. Lance could see Justin's flinch over Britney's shoulder. He said, "Brit, I gotta talk to JC, be right back."
He clapped Justin on the shoulder and smiled at Justin as he walked out. It wasn't particularly hard to find JC, he'd gone aground in the quiet room. JC was sitting with his legs drawn up and his face buried in his knees. Lance said, "JC?"
JC didn't look up. He said, "Justin, hey, go away."
Lance stood a few feet away from JC. He said, "No. Talk to me. What's up?"
JC looked up and his eyes were red. Lance sighed. "It's nothing, Justin," JC said firmly.
Lance sighed. "JC. Come on. Let me know what's going on. Is it, uh, Lance?"
JC looked back down. "Yes. And really, Justin, I don't want to talk about it. So get out." Lance had never been very good at standing up to that tone in JC's voice so he left.
The show went fine and if JC was a little distant from Lance, Lance thought he was the only one besides Justin who noticed. They laughed and made stupid jokes and Lance still found being Justin incredibly alien and strange. He kept remembering he was supposed to smile at everyone, to work the crowd like Justin. Britney was already on the bus when they ran off at the end and she hugged him hard as soon as he got on. "You were great, Justin," she squealed.
"Thanks, honey," he said and ushered her to the back and towards his bunk. "I know it sounds weird, but I'm really wiped suddenly, so, you know, okay if we get some sleep?"
Britney smiled and said, "Sure, but I have to leave first thing in the morning. You sure you want to go straight to sleep?"
Lance said, "Sure." He saw JC sitting with Chris, the two of them already in a whispered conversation in the front of the bus. Lance sighed and climbed into the bunk. Britney snuggled close and Lance wrapped his arm around her and closed his eyes. He really was tired and he fell asleep faster than he thought he would.
Justin woke up, groaned and realized he was still Lance and then thought, hey. He maybe had an idea. He waited until they all got into the hotel to find Lance and then he grinned and sat on Lance's bed. "I think I got it figured out."
"What?" Lance looked vaguely pissed and bored. "And, yeah, I kissed Britney goodbye and how are you this morning, Justin?"
"I'm fine, fine, fine." Justin grinned. "I think I got it figured out. This switching bodies thing."
Lance raised an eyebrow and said, "Really? Do tell."
"It's my big gay vacation, man. See, here I am, trying to explore my sexuality and I end up switching bodies with the person closest to me who is all gay and whose sexuality is, uh, completely explored."
Lance said quietly, "Did you wish on the spirit of Liberace? Were you listening to Judy Garland a lot the night before it happened? Just, you know, Justin, help me out here how you invoked the mystical powers that decided to give you this big gay vacation."
Justin said, "You don't think it makes sense?"
"It makes perfect sense, Justin. Of course, we've switched bodies so you can, I don't know, go pick up guys in my body and," Lance paused. "I can't even begin to tell you how much it doesn't make sense. I can't, I'm trying to be sarcastic and make a joke here and I'm failing. It's completely fucking ridiculous."
Justin rubbed his knees. "I think. I just had this thought this morning. Like, it gives us something to try and do instead of just trying to cover it up. We can't stay like this. We can't."
Lance sat down next to him. Justin looked over and Lance was just staring at his hands. "I was thinking," Lance said quietly. "Maybe this happens all the time. Like, maybe those really crazy people you see on the street, like when they're talking themselves, they just got stuck. Like we're stuck."
Justin reached over and took Lance's hand. He wouldn't, he couldn't believe that. He said, "No way. No way. I just. It was a stupid thought, I don't know why I was so excited, but it seemed like something to try. Like, maybe if we did that, I don't know."
"Well, we can fucking try." Lance squeezed Justin's hand. "Let's give it a try. Tell me what you think you need to do for your big gay vacation."
Justin tried to back out because it did seem like a stupid idea when he said it out loud, but Lance argued that maybe he'd had the stupid idea as a kind of guide. "A message from the mischievous spirit that is wreaking fucking havoc with our lives," Lance suggested.
Lance also suggested they have sex again that night, the first of three nights in a row in the hotel, "a new position this time," he said, almost laughing and Justin just nodded. Justin wasn't quite as excited when he got to back to his room about the new plan but at least they were doing something.
The show went well, they were both, Justin thought, getting more and more comfortable being the other on stage. Lance still didn't have much fun with Gone and once or twice he looked the wrong way and did his own steps, not the ones he was supposed to do as Justin. But it wasn't that noticeable. They met back up at the hotel, and they both declined Chris and JC's offer to go out. JC still seemed a little distant with Justin, with Lance, or whatever. It was all too confusing. Lance shook his head and said to Justin, "Tomorrow, if we're not back, let's go out somewhere and you can pick a guy up. That'll be fun for your big gay vacation, right?"
Justin nodded but he wasn't really looking forward to it. Some strange guy and he'd have to have a lot of help with picking the right one. He sighed and followed Lance into his room. Lance pulled him into a kiss, slow and deliberate and Justin felt himself relax against the wall. Lance broke off the kiss and said, "Let's not do this against the wall, okay? Your turn on top and I'm sure you're very flexible, but, you know, bed."
Justin grinned. "Works for me," he said, already shedding his clothes.
Lance said, "Put that back on. I just remembered, the things we need are still in my bag. So, you know, scoot back to your room and then come back here."
And then they were on the bed, naked, condom and lube on the side table. Lance said, "Let's spend some quality time getting me ready, okay? I have faith your body will be great at this, but, yeah." He laughed and Justin silenced him with a kiss.
Foreplay, Lance was intent on a lot of foreplay. Justin wasn't about to complain because Lance left him almost vibrating everywhere with his tongue, his fingers, the rub of skin against skin. Justin felt like every part of him was on fire and he almost came when Lance rolled the condom on.
Lance lay on his back, his legs against his chest and he was holding onto the headboard. His head was thrown back and fuck, he looked good. His body looked good like that, Justin thought. Justin took a deep breath and pushed in. Tight, tight and fuck, it felt so good. Lance shuddered underneath him and grunted and Justin stopped. Lance said, "Keep going, just let me --" Lance inhaled sharply and relaxed. Justin pushed farther in and Lance said, "Like that, fuck."
Justin fucking loved it. Sex, he thought, have more of it as soon as you get your body back. Maybe even with Lance because damn. He thrust and pulled back and thrust and found a rhythm and Lance pushed back and then he came, another heart attack of light and a rush from everywhere inside him and fell against Lance.
Lance laughed a little, his voice breathy. "Okay, Justin, you gotta, Justin," he said, kind of pushing Justin off. Justin blinked and felt Lance's hands on his dick and oh, condom. Then Lance said, "Now you should blow me, okay?"
Justin just nodded and tried to remember the things JC had said about teeth and gag reflexes. Lance was already hard and Justin hadn't done more than put his mouth around the tip when Lance came.
Justin lay back on the bed and smiled. "That was nice."
Lance laughed. "Yup, let's hear it for your big gay vacation, right?" Justin shrugged and got dressed to go back to his room. Lance sat up and kissed him before he left. Justin fell asleep as soon as he got under his own blankets, worn out.
Another day, another morning of waking up and jerking off, playing with Justin's dick. Lance was thinking about breaking down and telling someone, anyone if it meant getting his own damn body back. Another day of promo and hanging out with Chris, and damn this entire fucking thing was clearly affecting Lance's brain because Chris was becoming considerably less annoying somehow.
The show went fine again and after they went a bar with a very nice, very off-limits VIP section. Justin stood next to Lance and Lance assessed the crowd. "That one's totally gay. And he works for Entertainment Weekly, so there's that."
Justin said, "So I shouldn't hit on him?"
"Um, no. But only because I already slept with him." Lance shrugged.
Justin poked him. "You slept with some reporter? Fuck, Lance, that's not --"
"He's not a reporter, he's a music reviewer." Lance rolled his eyes.
"You slept with -- wait, did you do it for the good reviews? Because I don't know that it worked." Justin rubbed his forehead.
Lance sighed. "It had nothing to do with reviews and everything to do with his very nice ass. And it was after Celebrity got reviewed, so, whatever, dude. He's hardly about to out me."
Justin was a silent for a moment and then he said, "He does have a nice ass. I can't sleep with him?"
Lance grinned. "Justin, baby, you can't pull off pretending to be me in bed with someone who's been with me. Trust me, okay?"
Justin laughed. "Okay, find me someone who hasn't slept with you here, okay? And I didn't mean that in a mean way. Big gay vacation."
Lance looked around again and said, "O-kay, perfect at eleven o'clock, by the other bar."
Justin stared. "Howie? Sweet Howie D?"
Lance laughed. "I have never slept with him. He wants to sleep with me. And he is sweet. Calculating and the like, but definitely sweet. I've heard he's mostly vanilla in bed, too, like, he won't be whipping out chains and wax or pull some crazy shit on you."
Justin nudged Lance's shoulder. "I can't believe you haven't slept with him."
"Howie's a rainy day guy, you know? Like, end of the night, no one else around, you know? He's cute and he's got a body that doesn't quit but he's not, you know. He's kinda short, too."
Justin laughed. "Okay, okay. I get it. So what do I do?"
Lance considered. "Just, you know. Walk up to him, talk to him. I don't know him any better than you do, except we have some boys in common. Uh, Carlos. Some guy named Brian who is not Brian Littrell." Lance shuddered. "A chef back in Orlando, his name is, uh, Bob. That won't come up. Just talk to him and make sure you make eye contact the whole time. Don't look away. And look him over a few times. He'll get the message. Then, you know, take him back to the hotel and let him have his way with you. Use a condom."
Justin finished his drink in one long swallow. "I know the condom part, okay?" Justin nodded his head, looked nervous. "But, okay, won't he expect me to be all you? Like, experienced and stuff?"
"Just, uh," Lance said. "You know, do what I did with Brit, say you want him to be in charge. He'll take it from there. And seriously, Justin, what's he gonna do? Look up and say 'my God! You've switched bodies with Justin!' He won't figure it out. And Howie keeps his mouth shut, he won't tell everyone I suck in bed, you know, if you suck."
Justin sighed. He squared his shoulders and turned to Lance. "Do I look good? Think he'll want me?"
Lance smirked. "He's an idiot if he doesn't. You're insanely hot. I'd do you in a heartbeat."
Justin burst out laughing. He turned around and walked over to Howie. Lance watched them talking, feeling completely out of sorts. He didn't want to sleep with Howie and he didn't want Justin to either. Though Howie really was sort of perfect for Justin. Lance sighed.
JC stood next to him at the bar. He looked over at Justin talking to Howie, and smiling. JC said, "Lance has his for the night, I guess."
Lance sighed. "Yeah, I hope so."
JC snorted. "You hope so? Aren't you two -- there's something going on there, right?"
Lance sipped his drink. "Something, but nothing serious. I'm not, I'm not jealous or anything."
JC said, "That's good. Because you know, Lance. He's not one for anything serious anymore."
Lance flinched. Fucker. "Are you mad at me about the thing? It's just. I was thinking about both of us."
"I'm not mad at you," JC said softly.
"You're mad at Lance?" Lance held his breath. Fucking Justin. If he'd switched bodies with JC, he wouldn't be having any of these problems.
"I'm not. Maybe a little. It's just, it's more disappointment. When I. I thought I knew him pretty well, but whatever. He's hard to know sometimes." JC sounded sad, and maybe a little drunk.
Lance shrugged. It's called the fucking human condition, JC, nobody's easy to know. He said, "Hard to know in what way?"
"I just." JC looked away. "I never know exactly what to expect and I think I know, I know in his heart he's not cruel. He's not. Just lately." JC sighed. "I'm being an ass, Justin, you shouldn't listen to me."
Lance leaned his head against JC's shoulder. Fucking JC. Fucking pretty JC who really, really, had once been everything Lance had ever wanted. "I listen to you, JC, you're a pretty smart guy. Smarter'n Lance, I bet."
JC laughed a little. He hugged Lance and kissed his forehead. "Lance, Lance. Lance is someone we're both gonna stop thinking about, okay?"
Lance sighed and put down his drink. He said, "I'm gonna go home. Back to the hotel. See you tomorrow."
Lance walked down to the street and waited for the bodyguards to bring around the car.
Chris walked up to Lance and said, "Justin. I gotta, there's this thing I need to tell you."
Lance didn't say anything but he looked over at Chris and smiled a little. Chris sighed. He said, "I'm bi."
Lance thought, duh. But fuck, he wouldn't be like Justin and fuck things up. He made a shocked noise and said, "You never told me. Why didn't you tell me?" The car came up and they both got in.
Chris ran his hand through his hair. "I had a lot of reasons. Some pretty stupid reasons. I never told you, well. Okay, first, I like girls, I like guys, but I've always liked girls more, you know? So, it wasn't something that came up a lot. But mostly. See? When we were first friends, man, you're like this kid, you were and I wasn't about to tell you so you would think I was some skeevy perv after your underage ass."
Lance interrupted, because he felt like standing up for Justin. "I wouldn't've. Even back then."
"Well, you say that now. Now you wouldn't. And maybe I was just being a paranoid ass. But, you know. And then it was like, I hadn't told you and it would be, why didn't you tell me before and you seemed a little freaked by JC and Lance and all that so I thought good thing I hadn't told you." Chris was leaning back now, just watching Lance.
Lance thought, freaked out? Little fucker. He shouldn't, but he bit his lip and said, "Freaked out? I don't remember that."
Chris said, "You said. Maybe you don't remember but there were a few times when you were complaining, you know, about all the drama. About how you didn't understand how the two couldn't keep it in their pants and why did they have to fuck things up and is that how it was with gay guys, you know?"
"They didn't fuck anything up," Lance said more vehemently than he meant to.
"They didn't," Chris said. "And you know, seriously, I think. I think part of the way you were acting, you said those things only a couple of times, I think you know. Denial. Because you really were the last person on that train, you know. It's not like, well, you were the last person in the group to figure out that you liked guys." Chris sighed. "You're really pissed at me?"
"Yeah, I know," Lance said. He almost smirked on the inside. "I'm kinda stupid. And I'm not, I'm not pissed at you." He didn't think Justin was pissed at Chris. "And I know now that queer guys are just as capable as straight guys when it comes to keeping it in their pants."
Chris laughed. "Not at all." Chris elbowed Lance and started looking out a window. "You and Lance, what's up with that?"
Lance shrugged. "We've just been hanging out."
"You had sex with him. Right?" Chris turned and looked right at Lance.
"Yeah. I wanted to, I talked him into it. It was just. It was what I wanted. It's not like I haven't gotten my freak on before, you know, just not like that." Lance looked back at Chris and said very seriously, "Have you ever done it with one of the guys?"
Chris blushed. "Yeah. Just, uh, Lance a few times and JC once. JC was a long time ago, uh, right when the group started."
Lance didn't smirk. "So we've both fucked Lance, huh?"
Chris smirked. "Well, yeah, he's that good, I guess." Lance rolled his eyes. But he should be nice and play Justin the supportive friend.
He patted Chris's knee. "We're okay, okay? You should've told me sooner, but we're okay."
Chris said, "Good," fervently. "You gonna tell me what's wrong with you lately or not?"
Lance sighed. It would be nice. But he didn't think even Chris would believe this stupid situation. So he said, "Later. I'm still working it all out. I know, I usually tell you, but not this time, okay?" Lance squeezed Chris's knee. He said, "You're helping right now, I swear." Chris looked happier, so Lance offered to play a video game with him or something when they got back to the hotel, whatever stupid thing Justin and Chris did for bonding. It worked.
Justin woke up alone and wondered how Howie had gotten home. Then again, Justin thought, clearly not his problem. He went over to Lance's room, his own room and sighed as he knocked on the door. Lance looked rested.
Justin said, "So you want the details?"
Lance sat on the bed and pressed his fingers together. "I kinda need 'em, you know? When we get back to our own bodies, I'll run into him again, you know?"
Justin sat down next to him. "Okay. So I did what you told me and talked to him and stuff and after you left, he put his hand on my arm and he was all, you wanna go? And I said, yeah. So we went back to my room and I said that you thing you said, about him being all in charge and he kinda laughed and was all, whoa, Lance, what's gotten into you? So I made up some shit about wanting the full Howie D experience or something. I dunno, he bought it. So, um, we did it. We, uh. Do you need the blow by blow?"
Justin watched Lance but Lance was just looking out the window. Lance said, "I don't really need it. Did you like it?"
Justin thought. "Sure. He's, I dunno, I've only had you and a little of JC but I guess he's good. He's nice. Considerate. He seemed like he really wanted me to get off. He has a great body, man, he can really move. I, uh, he fucked me, if you care about that. And I blew him, and he seemed to like it, but I worry he maybe might say you weren't that good."
"You said he seemed to like it?" Lance turned and grinned. "Why would he say I suck at it?"
Justin shrugged. "I dunno, I just. It's not easy thinking about living up to the reputation of, you know, you."
Lance frowned. "Okay, appearances to the contrary, I'm not some international stud of the walk, okay? There was, there was, like, two straight years when the only person I had sex with was -- you know. And even after him, you know our schedule. I'm not. I haven't broken three digits in numbers of sex partners, okay?"
Justin sighed. He was incapable of talking to Lance anymore. "Okay, okay, point taken. I just meant. You seem. I think, the times we've done it you were pretty good at it."
Lance sighed. "You don't know, it could all be pretty shitty." Lance stood up and walked to the window. "Anyway, my self-esteem doesn't rest on my abilities in bed." Lance slapped the window. "This fucking sucks, Justin, and it didn't work. We're still stuck like this."
Justin stood up and said, "I don't fucking know, Lance. I don't fucking know! God." Justin walked out and slammed the door.
He was halfway down the hallway when his phone rang. Justin said, "What?"
Lance said, "I apologize. I know it's not your fault, okay?"
Justin said, "Okay, I'm sorry, too. Anyway, just sorry all around. I'm gonna, I dunno, I'll talk to you later."
Justin stopped in the middle of the hallway. He'd fucked up, and they were both fucking stuck. Justin knocked on JC's door.
JC said, "Hey, what do you want?"
Justin stood up straight and said, "I need to talk to you."
JC sighed and said, "Come in."
Justin stood by the door and JC sat in the chair by the bed. Justin bit his lip and then said, "Okay, you think. You think wrong about me. Like I don't care about you or something, or I don't, you know, feel things about you anymore. And I really, really do. Feel those things. You are, like, incredibly important to me." Justin thought, because he wanted to get this right. "You really really are. So if you ever think that I'm not, you know, that I don't think that, you're really wrong."
JC looked up and smiled. He walked over and kissed Justin and all Justin could think was, JC is taller than me, now, huh. JC said, "You've been hanging out with Justin too much. You even talk like him now."
Justin smiled. "But we're okay? Right?"
"Yeah, we're okay." JC hugged him again and Justin left.
So that was one thing maybe done right. Justin sighed and went back to Lance's room.
Justin lay on Lance's bed, looking miserable. Lance said, "Anything I can do?"
Justin sighed. Lance thought about it, thought about Justin. He said, "I've got an idea." He looked over at the phone and bless expensive hotels, it had a speaker option. He handed Justin a notepad and a pen and Justin just stared at him, looking confused. Lance found Justin's cell phone and figured out the number and dialed it.
He heard Lynn saying, "Hello?"
Justin sat up and wrapped his arms around Lance from behind. Lance said, "Mom? It's me, Justin." Lance tapped Justin arm and pointed at the pad and pen.
Lynn asked how he was and Lance looked down at what Justin had written. A frowny face. Lance said, "I'm kind of miserable."
Lynn cooed and Justin wrote quickly. Lynn said, "What's wrong, honey?"
Lance looked down and read, "Britney's cheating on me. I'm sure of it. And I pissed off JC, not at me, but at Lance and I feel like a shit." Lance paused, looked at the next item. Justin was still behind him a little, one arm loped around his neck. Lance sighed and said, "And I had sex. Like, all the way." Lance guessed Justin wasn't lying when he said he told his mom everything.
Lynn sighed. "Oh baby, you want me to come out there? I can."
Lance said, "No," without even looking at Justin. That wouldn't work at all.
Lynn said, "Okay." She sighed again. "You had sex? With Britney and found out she cheated on you?"
Lance said, "No, no. Chris told me, well not me, he told someone else and they told me, that Brit's cheating on me. I think he's right, you know? It's just awful." Lance squinted, trying to read Justin's hasty writing. "I just, I don't know how she could do that to me again. After everything."
Lynn said, "Well. You've been with JC and, did you have sex with JC?"
Lance paused while he waited for Justin to stop writing. He read the first part of what he should say. "I didn't," Lance looked again. "It wasn't JC, it was Lance." Lance flinched. "And it's not the same. That was just." Justin rubbed his forehead. He wrote again. Lance said, "I guess it kinda is. You're right. But it's still." Lance hugged Justin because he looked completely miserable. "It still hurts. It's upsetting."
Lynn said, "I don't mean to keep dwelling on this, Justin, but you had sex with Lance? And yes, it must hurt. But. You're cheating, she's cheating. Honey, you gotta straighten this thing out."
Justin didn't write anything for a moment so Lance said, "I know." Then Justin started writing and Lance frowned. Lance tried to signal he didn't want to say those things, but then he stopped. Justin's mom, Justin's words. "I had sex with Lance because I wanted to. I talked him into it, and I liked it. It was after I found out about Brit. But it wasn't because of that, it was because I couldn't see the reasons for waiting anymore." Lance refused to say the part about how he was good in bed. Justin grinned at him and pointed at it again.
"Did, tell me you were safe, right?"
Lance said, "Of course." He looked down again at what Justin was writing. "We were safe, we used a condom. Lance has been great." Lance rolled his eyes. "I mostly. I just wanted to talk to you. I'll explain more later, I just need some time to work things out. I can do that, I will and I wanted to hear from you."
Justin practically crawled into Lance's lap and it was sweet, the boy did love his momma. Lynn said, "I know you can, you definitely can. You have a good heart and a good head, baby. You'll make it all better. I love you!"
Justin whispered, "I love you, too, Momma," and Lance said it louder. He hung up the phone. Justin said, "You're the best, fuck, I wouldn't've thought of that. I do feel a little better."
Justin was sitting between his legs and Lance gave him a little push. Get things back to the way they were, or at least something less intimate. Justin grinned at him and pulled out Lance's cell phone. Lance said, "Hey, I'm okay."
Justin just grinned and dialed Lance's mom. Lance didn't have as much to say his mother because he wasn't about to explain the switching thing, he couldn't even explain it, but he did like hearing her voice. They talked briefly and Justin sat against the headboard and said, "You're as much of a mama's boy as I am, you know. Look at you. You're sniffling."
Lance was, and he felt like a dork. Justin smiled and kissed his cheek. "It's cute. Completely cute."
Then they had to leave and do two radio interviews and all the rest of the normal crap of a day off during the tour. The day wore both of them down. They got back to the hotel late in the night and Justin just followed him to his hotel room.
Justin sat on the bed. "I slept with Howie and I've slept with you and nothing's changed. Fuck, what the fuck do we need to do?"
Lance sat down next to him. "I have no fucking idea. I don't know. We can try something else." Lance shrugged. Welcome to hell, he thought.
Justin flopped back on the bed. "Let's just. Hell, at least I'm getting laid. Wanna screw around?" He trailed a finger down Lance's back.
Lance looked at the ceiling. What the fuck. "Sure."
Lance straddled Justin, and smiled. It was still weird looking at his own face, but weirder still, he thought Justin now. Justin, he thought, and kissed him, holding himself up over Justin. He broke off the kiss and sat up. "Come on, let's get naked and actually enjoy this, you know?"
Justin smiled. Lance stood up and took off his shirt. Justin got up and stood behind him, hands around Lance's waist undoing the button on the waist of Lance's jeans. Justin did it slowly, unzipping the fly and easing down the jeans and squatting behind Lance. Lance could feel Justin's hot breath against the back of his legs. Hot, hot, hot, Lance thought. Justin rested his head against the small of Lance's back, licking a little as he tugged down Lance's underwear. "Hmm," Justin said, and Lance shivered, because it was like this vibration against his back, right at his spine. Lance loved his voice. "Why don't we, why don't you get on the bed now. I have an idea."
Lance did as he was told and lay down on his stomach. "You have an idea?"
Justin said yeah, low and fuck, yeah. Lance felt Justin's hands, soft against his ass and he thought about looking back, finding out what Justin had in mind, but fuck it. This was the only damn bright spot in this whole miserable experience. He was starting to think about the other nice parts, like getting to know Justin better and really, knowing Chris better, too. So things were good, and then he felt Justin's tongue and he was. "Holy fuck," Lance said.
Justin was actually doing it, and Lance kept panting and he was so fucking hard and Justin's hands were holding him down so he couldn't move while his tongue. Justin's tongue, which was actually Lance's tongue and Justin's body really liked it. Lance bucked up and said, "Fuck, Justin, please."
Justin stopped and said, his voice impossibly low and husky, "Please what?"
"Please, please, just, fuck, that's nice." Lance pushed up on his elbows and looked back. Justin was kneeling between his legs, still dressed in a t-shirt and jeans, his mouth wet and his expression wanton. Fuck, Lance thought, do I look like that? But it looked like Justin somehow.
He pulled up his legs and rolled over and kissed Justin. And fuck, that should have been slightly gross and he was pretty sure the safer sex manuals advised against it, but it wasn't his body, anyway. Lance laughed against Justin's lips and started stripping Justin. When he had him good and naked, Justin said, "Do we fuck now?"
"See, Justin, you, you're really fixated on intercourse," Lance said smiling. "Seriously, there's lots of ways to have sex." He pulled Justin down on top of him. "We can do this, too, and I bet you'll get off." Justin laughed and Lance pulled him close.
Justin, Lance thought. They were rubbing against each other and kissing and fuck, it was so hot, Lance wasn't even sure who came first. They ended up a sticky mess, clinging to each other on the bed. Justin said, "I think I love you, you big dork."
Lance grinned and sat up. "I gotta, I won't sleep like this, man." He went into the bathroom and washed himself off. He wet a towel and walked back into the room and Justin was pulling on his clothes. "Hey," Lance said as he threw the towel at Justin. "What are you doing? Stay here."
Justin sat down and took off his clothes again. He used the towel to clean himself off and just sat. He was looking resolutely at the floor. Lance said, "What's wrong?"
Justin said, "I don't know. I just. I don't know what's going on, okay?"
Lance sat down next to him and thought, déjà vu. "Look, uh, if you're freaking because of what you said, it's okay." Justin looked away and mumbled something and Lance kissed his shoulder. "Get in the damn bed, Justin. Let's get some sleep."
When they were both under the covers, Lance turned Justin on his side so they could spoon together. He put his arm around Justin and held his hand and their legs were crossed or mixed up or something. He wanted to crawl into Justin's skin, and not because he wanted back into his own. Lance said, "I love you, too," and Justin relaxed against him. Lance wasn't sure when he actually fell asleep but the last thing he remembered was listening to Justin breathe and thinking, fuck, I do love the big dork, fuck me.
Lance woke up and felt Justin's arms around him. Nice, he thought. He had to pee, though. He unfolded their hands and got up and looked down. A few steps and fuck. His own feet. His own tattoo on his ankle. Lance turned and in bed, it was Justin. Actually Justin and curly hair and Lance touched his head and it was his own hair. He ran to the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror and laughed. He still had to pee.
He ran out of the bathroom after and jumped on the bed. "Justin! Justin, baby! Wake up, wake up!"
Justin pushed against him, blinked and said, "Why do I haveta wake up?"
"Justin, listen to me, open your eyes and look at me!" Lance shook him and then Justin finally opened his eyes.
"Lance, hi." Justin blinked again.
"Justin. We're back. Fuck you, wake up, we're back!" Lance bounced on the bed.
Justin sat up and opened his eyes. He lifted the blanket and looked at himself. "Holy fucking hell! We switched back! We're, fuck!" Justin hugged Lance hard, and said "fuck" over and over again. Lance thought he might be crying.
Lance said, "I wonder why it happened? I mean, why did we switch back?"
Justin was still hugging him and he said, "I dunno. Maybe, uh, because of what we did? Or, um, what we said?"
Lance laughed. "Fuck, I would'a said I loved you a lot fucking sooner if that was all it took."
Justin let go and sat back. "Yeah, me, too." Justin bit his lip.
Lance said, "I did mean it. I wasn't. I did mean it."
Justin shrugged. "I meant it, too. But, you know, we've been living through this thing, just the two of us, so it was. Like, I meant it last night, but. It wasn't like, you know, I guess, you and JC or something."
Lance scooted back on the bed. He started looking around for his clothes. His own clothes, fuck, that was awesome. Lance stood and said, "Look. I don't know. I do, I do care about you, okay? I'm not saying I didn't mean it." Lance got dressed and rubbed his own thighs. This was all, it was important but mostly Lance just wanted to call his own mother and Beth and do his own things. Lance looked at Justin and Justin, actually Justin not Justin in Lance's body, looked happy and lost and wouldn't meet his eyes. "Justin, I'm gonna. I'm gonna go back to my room and do some things and uh, we need to talk. Okay? But after."
Justin nodded and said "Yeah."
Justin took a long shower. He kept running his hands over his body. He rubbed his legs and his dick and he jerked off and he stayed in the shower until the water ran lukewarm. He wiped off the mirror and stared at himself for a while, too. Time was ticking away, of course, he had things to do, he had honest to god Justin Timberlake things to that needed to be done.
He knew what the first one was and he sat on the bed naked and called Britney. "Honey," he said.
"Baby, you finally got me, you've been calling at the weirdest times the last few days. It's nice to talk to you and not just your voice mails."
Justin snorted. Stupid Lance. "Yeah, and now we've caught each other. I got -- okay. Brit, you've been cheating on me, right?"
She sniffled. "Justin."
"I've been cheating, too. I'm sorry, I have been, too. I think. Fuck, this is all wrong to do over the phone but I can't wait, it's wrong to wait until we can get together." Justin traced his tattoos on his legs. His own legs, thank God.
She said, "You're right. We're, we're breaking up, aren't we?"
He said, "Yeah. I think we are. Fuck, we should talk more, okay? I mean, talk about everything, but I can't now. I'm sorry."
She cried a little, and he promised to call because he couldn't imagine a world where they didn't talk all the time.
He got dressed and called the hairstylist for the tour. "I want to cut my hair again, the buzz cut, okay?" He'd gotten used to Lance's low maintenance hair.
She bleated a little and he insisted and she came up to his room and did it. He watched her cutting and thought, I don't love him. Not really at all.
Lance hugged Joey and clapped and his back. He said, "Fuck, man, I love you so much."
Joey laughed and pushed him off. "You missed that memo about how I'm really straight, right?"
"I know, I know, it's just. It's good to see you." Lance laughed and flopped on his bed.
"You've been seeing me." Joey shook his head. He stood over Lance and said quietly, "What's up with you and Justin?"
Lance rubbed his eyes. "Nothing."
Joey said, "Fuck." Low and serious. Joey sat down next Lance and smoothed down Lance's hair. "You love Justin. You crazy freak."
Lance closed his eyes. "I love you, Joey."
Joey said, "Not the same way. You crazy, crazy ass. You know what your problem is?"
Lance said, "I listen to you? Look, Joey, I don't. And I don't know how Justin feels."
"Okay, you know what? I didn't bring up his feelings, so way to give yourself away. But here's your problem, man. You tell yourself you're lying when you say you're romantic. You're not. You're a big ol' romantic sap and you fall and you fall hard when you do." Joey poked Lance's stomach.
Lance opened his mouth to object, but there was a knock at the door and then Chris poked his head in. "Yo, Justy wants a meeting. He says it's quick."
Joey glanced at Lance but Lance ignored him. The three of them walked in as JC said, "You shaved your head again!"
Lance looked at Justin's shorn head and said, "Whoa. What's up with that?"
Justin shook his head and said, "I just. I got tired of it, you know? It's just hair."
Chris said, "Okay, we're all here, what's up? Surely not just your hair."
Justin said, "I just. I wanted to let everyone know me and Brit broke up. I gotta tell all the PR people, too, and deal with that, but I wanted you guys know before that."
Chris said, "Wow. Sorry. That's not, hey, is it cause of Lance?"
Justin crossed his arms and glared at Chris. "It has nothing to do with Lance. I don't, God, Chris. I'm not in love with Lance, we were just fooling around and this has nothing to do with that. Okay?"
Lance said, "Well, glad that's all straightened out." He closed his eyes and opened them again and walked out.
In the hallway, Joey touched his arm and Lance said, "I said I didn't know how Justin felt and now I do, so, it's fine. I'm not what you think I am. I'll get over it."
Their first show back in their own bodies kinda sucked, Lance thought. Justin was a beat behind on a number of his parts, forgetting, Lance thought, that he got to sing his own parts now. But it all worked out okay and by the next show, Justin was back to normal. And Lance, too. Back to normal.
They were just friends, and they didn't talk about any of it.
Lance moped in private. With Joey, or alone. He called it moping because okay, he got it. Justin thought he'd be in love just because they'd switched bodies or something, and Lance knew differently. Or Lance knew his side. He'd fallen in love with Justin, not Justin of the incredibly weird fucked up situation. Fucking Joey and his homespun wisdom. Fucker.
Lance found JC after the second show, the one that neither of them fucked up. He said, "Look, I never -- I wanted to straighten things out."
JC grinned. "We're as straight as you and I can be, Lance. It's okay."
"A few days ago, man. Remember? You talked like Justin, we said pretty things. We're good." JC hugged Lance and that was that, in a sense.
So everything was okay, nothing permanently fucked up. Lance had tests and space and the tour was going good and he was grateful every morning to wake up in his own skin. He only moped a little.
A week since everything had changed back, he saw Howie in the pit and then again after the show. Lance thought, perfect. He smiled at Howie. Howie said, "Long time, no see, Bass."
"A whole week, even." Lance put his hand on Howie's arm. "Are you here with someone?"
"Well, I was with Wade," Howie said grinning.
"Oooooh," Lance frowned. "I hope not in every sense, because, Howie, honey, Wade has this little thing." Lance held his finger and thumb only a little apart. "You know?"
Howie laughed. "I know now."
Lance smirked. "Live and learn, you know? I certainly did."
"I tell people, you know, height is not always indicative." Howie winked.
Back at Lance's hotel room, Howie quickly stripped and pushed Lance down on the bed. "You want the complete experience again?"
Lance laughed and rolled over on top of Howie. "How about the complete Bass experience this time?"
The sex was good, Justin had had that right. Howie could really move and he bounced and rolled on Lance's dick like a fucking hurricane. In a really good way. It was nice, Lance thought, to feel his own body that way again.
When they were done, Howie walked around the room, slowly dressing again. Lance said, "You don't have to go, man."
Howie said, "I really do. Plus, you know, you're all whipped on somebody."
"Am not. Have you been talking to Joey?" Lance sat up and snarled.
Howie laughed. "Look, you were clearly whipped on someone last week, and you seem to be the about the same this time, so. I hope you work it out, Lance." Lance sighed.
He didn't want to be rude, so he got out of bed and kissed Howie at the door. He looked out as Howie walked out and saw Justin, standing at his door. Justin just stared for a moment and then he smiled, fake even from three doors down. Lance waved at Justin and closed the door.
He went to Justin's room in the morning. Justin let him in and then flopped back on the bed, "What is it, man, it's fucking early."
"I just wanted to say that you do, too, love me and I love you and I think it's a really bad idea for us to not, you know, acknowledge that." Lance stood at the end of the bed and smiled. Easier to say than he thought.
"A really bad idea? What the fuck?" Justin covered his face.
"Justin, I don't know about you, but here's the thing. God not only loves us, he's apparently a gay yenta with a twisted sense of humor. We were obviously meant to be together."
Justin sat up. "A gay yenta? God?"
"We switched bodies, Justin. You were there, too. And I don't know what it was, but, you know, whoever did it, and I'm going with God here, wanted us to fall in love. And we did. And if we don't, you know, act on that, maybe they'll do it again." Lance crawled up on the bed.
Justin moved back a little. "We just, you know, it was just because of what happened. It's not real."
"Yes, it is," Lance said. He held Justin's head in his hands and kissed him. "I love you, because you're you, and you're sweet, and you love your mother and Chris thinks the world of you and all those things. And you love me for similarly good reasons, right?"
Justin pressed his lips together. "Maybe."
"Big gay yenta in the sky had plans for us, Justin. We should at least give 'em a chance, right?" Lance kissed Justin again.
Justin kissed him back. He surged forward and pushed Lance onto his back. "I love you because you're a good person and you love your mother, too, and, uh, Joey likes you, and you work really hard and uh, other things." Justin paused. "Big gay yenta in the sky, you think?"
Lance grinned. "Yeah. And now, um, I think we have time to try sex in our own bodies, if you want."
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