NOTES & DISCLAIMERS: Made up. For entertainment only. For the Summer of X-Over Love Challenge. Thanks to N. Title from the Beach Boys song by Brian Wilson and Tony Asher. Also thanks to Kel, Younger and G. Very much so. All errors mine.

WOULDN'T IT BE NICE?

Nick met Lance for real the summer he went to the nutritionist. The same summer he was getting over his fifth no good asshole boyfriend. Number Five, which is how Nick thought of him, he preferred even then to forget the names, Number Five had showed up on Nick's driveway, ranting about something he was sure he'd left at Nick's house and Nick had the hardest time getting rid of him. So he was late for his appointment. Nick was officially seeing a nutritionist, who also had a degree in psychology and never offered Nick nutrition advice, once a week and phone calls from the road for $400 an hour. It was expensive, but worth it.

Nick was rushing up the stairs behind the building and he slammed into someone walking down at a more leisurely pace. Lance. There was only one office at the top of the stairs and Nick's nutritionist catered to a specific crowd in Orlando: people who wanted to claim they were seeing nutritionist when they were really seeing a headshrinker.

Nick said, "Sorry." He couldn't think of more to add to that, because "man, you're seeing a shrink, too?" seemed pretty rude. Intrusive.

Lance said, "S'okay. I guess you're the late appointment. Thanks for letting me have those ten minutes."

Nick smiled and Lance smiled back. Nick made two phone calls when he got home from his appointment and had Lance's real number. And two hours later he had a date. Lance said, "Well, come over right now, because I have to leave in six hours and I want to make sure we have enough time to fuck."

Lance made Nick laugh, he'd tell Nick all the great gossip, he liked some of the same teams Nick did, and he bought Nick comic books even though he never read them. Nick found it easy to get used to random packages showing up at his hotels with comic books and t-shirts and stupid collectable shot glasses. Lance would always sign things "from your favorite blond." There'd been Mandy madness back and forth and Nick knew his romantic life was chaotic, but he felt it was getting less so. He was perfectly happy to narrow his focus to Lance.

Nick's nutritionist approved of the relationship because, he said, "Lance isn't after your money, so right there, he's ahead of 90% of the people you know." Nick took his nutritionist's advice pretty seriously. Nick and Lance dated all summer and Nick was pretty sure he was in love.

In the fall, lying in bed, he ran his hand over Lance's ass, tan like the rest of him. Nick said, "Where are you tanning nude, man? Don't tell me you wore a thong to the beach or something."

"Brit has a tanning booth in her bus, if you believe that shit. She let me use it." Lance rolled over and grinned. He put his hand on Nick's cheek, and his palm was soft. Lance said, "She was off with Justin."

They made sure to have a lot of time, really. It was the busiest summer either of them had ever had, everything was great and they moved a lot of mountains and found time over and over again. Big cell phone bills. This was the top, Nick thought. The best of the best. Great boyfriend, success, there really wasn't anything to ask for. He thought sometimes he barely noticed things, he was so busy.

It took them two months to break up. Nick can't place exactly when they started to end, but he knows it was two months of bad conversations and sad talks and not being able to find time when before it had seemed so easy. Some time when fall had definitely arrived and everywhere seemed cold. Lance mailed Nick a birthday present when Nick turned twenty-one, a real Nirvana concert t-shirt, and signed it "your favorite ex" and Nick knew when he read that it was true. He never wore the shirt, but he brought it with him from house to house and made sure it never got stolen.

The summer Nick was twenty-one he was in love with Howie. Howie dumped him and it completely and utterly sucked. And now he's twenty-two and Howie's gone and he hasn't really talked to Lance in months and he doesn't think about Mandy and that's the sum total of love for Nick. At least Lance didn't leave him when things got really hard, and he didn't talk to the tabloids, so Lance is still his favorite ex.

*

Nick tugs his shirt down and already he hates his costume. It's not really a costume, not like actual Halloween. Nick doesn't have those kinds of memories but he worked it out with Brian a long time ago, and he borrows Brian's. Stories of using sheets and curtains and old clothes of his mom or dad to make costumes that he wore on cold October nights and went door to door for candy. Brian would eat and eat and once he even got sick from it.

Nick's been invited to one of Rico's fabulously discreet summer parties. Rico knows everybody and invites everybody worth knowing. Nick's not completely sure he cares that much anymore about being worth knowing, but he's positive he might get laid. With a stupid theme about "Victims of Rock and Roll" so Nick thought Sid Vicious. He's dead, and he's a victim of something for sure. Nick didn't make his costume or scavenge in his closets, he called his stylist. She took him to a boutique and made an appointment for his hair.

He feels ridiculous with his stupid spiked hair and really tight leather pants and ripped tight shirt. The party is crowded and typical of Rico, all guys. Fabulously discreet, after all. Nick sat in his car for ten minutes deciding if he even wanted to go in and now he's standing in this crowded hallway and he hates it.

He sees Kirkpatrick first, and he can't figure out the costume but he's not that interested. A little to the left and there's Lance, so that's nice. He hasn't seen Lance in ages. They've talked, but it's been since United We Stand since he's actually seen him. He smiles and walks over and Lance hugs him immediately. "Baby," he says, laughing. Lance runs his hand over Nick's ass. "Fuck, Nick, honey, you oughta dress like this way more often. Like, all the time. God." Lance is plastered up against him, hands all over the shirt and his ass. "You should wear shit like this every damn day."

Nick starts laughing. Lance is wearing a bathrobe and boxers. So Nick says, "What the hell costume are you wearing?"

Lance rolls his eyes. "I didn't know it was a damn costume party until someone showed up on my doorstep in a costume. And he's all, let's go! So I had to make a damn costume right then. I'm Brian Wilson."

"Brian Wilson?" Nick's voice sounds squeaky, but that has a little to do with the summer heat and a lot to do with the way Lance keeps squeezing and rubbing Nick's ass.

"He went crazy because of that album he did. He's a victim." Lance laughs and kisses Nick's neck. "Okay, seriously, I need to back away from you. You're so fucking hot like this."

Nick grins. "Come on, man. You don't need to back away."

Lance looks over his shoulder and says, "I definitely need to get away. Look, your fated mate is on his way over, and he's not as drunk as you may think." Lance squeezes Nick's ass and turns around, disappears into the crowd.

Nick doesn't have to wonder long what Lance means because Timberlake totters over. He lurches against Nick and says, "Dude, we're matched pairs."

Nick looks down, as much as he can with Timberlake draped all over him, and Timberlake's dressed like a girl. A punk girl. Tight, short skirt, black pantyhose, ripped shirt and a wig, lipstick. Timberlake looks awful. And really hot.

Nick says, "Who are you?"

"I'm Nancy Spungeon! And you're Sid Vicious. Fuck, you're fucking hot."

"Y'all keep saying that," Nick says, laughing. Timberlake's got the same case of roaming hands that Lance had. Nick can't bring himself to complain. Timberlake rubs up closer to Nick, against his thigh. Which is also really hot.

"We should fuck. It's, like, fate." He squeezes Nick's ass and then moves his hand around to Nick's crotch.

Nick thinks about Lance saying someone wasn't so drunk. So, right, he meant Timberlake. Nick says, "Well. Uh." He'd kick himself for not being able to get out a complete sentence but it's not like Timberlake has stopped moving his hand.

"And my boyfriend won't mind at all. Seriously. He's here and he doesn't care." And then Nick pulls away.

"Boyfriend?" Well, fuck, he knows Justin a little from when he was with Lance and it'd have to be someone in the group. If it's Lance, okay, Nick probably won't get his ass kicked. If it's Kirkpatrick, well, he'd probably fight dirty and Nick is pretty sure he wouldn't be able to walk away from that. Nick looks around nervously. Fuck, maybe it's Fatone. Fatone or Kirkpatrick and Nick's about ten seconds away from having his ass kicked six ways to Sunday. Fatone or Kirkpatrick would bring the pain. Nick's backed up against the wall now. He doesn't want to get beat up, even for a really good fuck.

Justin says, "Dude, don't worry. He says he's not my boyfriend. He's all in denial or something. So he won't really care if we fuck. And it's fate! We're wearing matching costumes!"

Nick thinks about it. Kirkpatrick hasn't looked over yet, and he doesn't see Fatone. Chasez, it could be Chasez. But Nick could kick his ass. He looks around again; no one's seen him. And Nick hasn't gotten laid in forever. Since Howie. He's really lonely, and horny. Nick says, "Okay."

Justin, Nick thinks Justin now; they're going to have sex, grins and claps his hands. "Come with me!" He grabs Nick's hand and drags him along. It's Rico's and it's fabulously discreet so not only is there more than one room for people to fuck in, but the empty room Justin finds has a party bowl of condoms and lube on the table by the couch. Justin pulls Nick on top of him on the couch and kisses him. Wet, lewd and lots of tongue. Justin's definitely rising on Nick's list of favorite NSYNC members.

Justin grinds up against Nick and he's definitely hard. Nick pushes up Justin's flimsy shirt and tries to get under the bra Justin's wearing. Justin breaks off the kiss and reaches behind his back and takes off the bra himself. "You're so gay," Justin says. "It's adorable."

"My last girlfriend didn't wear a bra very often, okay?" Nick stops arguing as Justin reaches down to Nick's pants and starts pulling at the ties. Nick lifts his hips so Justin can get it done faster.

Nick gasps as Justin's gets his hands on Nick's dick. Justin has these hands; it's just this perfect fit. "Lance said you were a big boy," Justin says, hushed.

So that's something to file away, what exactly Lance might be saying to his slightly off band-mates about Nick, but they're necking and Justin has very skilled hands. Nick gets Justin's skirt up much easier than his damn bra, and fucker's wearing pantyhose. He pulls and tugs and Justin mewls.

Justin says, "Okay, okay, let's fuck. You fuck me. My boyfriend says I'm a natural at being fucked. Really."

Nick blinks. "He's not your boyfriend, right? That shit freaks me out, man, you gotta stop saying that."

Justin frowns. "He says a lot that he's totally not my boyfriend and we're just fucking. So, really, he doesn't mind if I fuck other people. He wants me to fuck other people. But he's my boyfriend in my heart, so." Nick thinks his nutritionist would call that denial. But it means Nick isn't going get his ass kicked by any enraged NSYNC member and he'll let Justin worry about his own mental problems.

Then it gets hotter. Justin flips over onto his stomach and pulls his skirt up higher. Nick pushes his pants down a little and grabs one of Rico's complimentary things of lube and a condom. He's not going to fuck around with the stupid control top pantyhose and he just grabs at the crotch and rips. He tears a hole in the crotch, and keeps tearing until it's big enough. Justin, the little slut, isn't wearing any underwear.

He slicks up his fingers and starts pushing in. Fucking wonderful, tight and he can't wait; he wants to be fucking Justin right now. But tight, tight, and so, right, prep. But then again, Justin's sweating and squirming and gasping and Nick can see his hands clawing at the couch. Nick's so hot for this he thinks his pants will slide off from the heat alone.

Justin says, "Now, now, please," and Nick thinks, good Southern boy, always polite. And he pushes in and it's so incredibly tight. The best thing ever, Nick thinks, maybe because it's just. Justin moves underneath him like a wave almost, like the whole ocean wrapped around Nick. He tries to hold onto Justin's hips and the nylon is pilling and like sandpaper under his fingertips.

The ocean breaks, he feels slammed into the ground, he comes. It feels like coming to, but it's only a few seconds when he blinks and Justin is still groaning underneath him. They turn and twist. Nick rips another hole in the stupid pantyhose and jerks Justin off. It's a sight when Justin comes, his head thrown back; wig askew, lipstick on his teeth from where he's bitten his lip.

Justin springs up and starts looking for his purse. "I need, fuck, see, I brought a thong. It's just, now with everything all torn, it'll ruin the line of the skirt, you know?" Justin grins at Nick. "I feel really strongly about getting the costume right."

Nick nods. He got the condom off and thrown away but he can't imagine sitting up right now. He hasn't even pulled up his pants. Nick says, "It's a good costume."

Justin's found the thong and he's carefully pulling down the hose. "It was work, man. You know? Finding the shoes, and I was all looking at pictures, trying to get the look right. It was kinda like Halloween, you know?"

Nick says, "Yeah." He never really did that, but he remembers what Brian told him. Costumes and candy and door to door, not commercials and working for a living. He's seen it in movies, too.

Justin pulls on the thong and then his hose and sits back on the couch next to Nick while he gets his shoes on. "You're hot, man," Justin says, "Wear those pants a lot more."

Nick says, "They got me laid, I guess, so, yeah." He rests his head on the back of the couch and almost closes his eyes.

Justin kisses him and says, "Dude, you're just hot. It's not the pants."

Nick thinks about saying something. Something about how he's never that sure he's hot, but he's starting to believe it. He's drifting and the couch is really nice and comfy. He doesn't realize he's fallen asleep until he feels a hand on his face and his eyes fly open. "Hey, Lance." Nick scrabbles at his pants, tries to get tucked back in, but then Lance puts his hand over Nick's hands.

"Dude, chill, I've seen it." Lance smirks.

"Did I, was I asleep all alone in here?" Nick blinks. Lance hasn't moved his hand.

"Well, just a few minutes. I saw Justin leave and then I came right in. You're cute when you sleep."

Nick shakes his head. "Okay. Man, so that was Justin these days, huh?"

"The one and only. He's sweet." Lance rolls his eyes. "He's feeling a little manic right now, you know. Solo thing. And stuff."

"Manic is a good word." Nick laughs. "Fuck, I should get back to the party."

"You could," Lance says. His hand is moving, rubbing.

"Well, shit, I ain't, man, wait a day after all that." But Nick doesn't move, really, he just puts his hand on Lance's neck, his lovely neck. It's a weird thing, but Nick loves necks. Lance has a really hot neck.

Lance moves forward, closer, and says, "Don't worry, baby, let me do the work."

Nick leans over and kisses Lance's neck. He says, "Miss you."

He doesn't hear if Lance replies, they're kissing and Lance's hands are strong. Lance's hands, all over him, turning him over and moving him against the arm of the couch, getting his pants down again. More action in a night than he's had in months but Nick's not going to complain. And Justin was hot, hotter than anything, but Lance is Lance and it's better.

It was love, and Nick knows that makes it better. Lance pushes in again and again and he breathes against Nick's neck when he comes. He says, "Baby." His palms are still soft and he pumps Nick's dick really nice and not too fast.

Nick wasn't that hard but it's good enough. Lance kisses him slowly, and because Lance is nicer than Justin or likes Nick more, he pulls up Nick's pants at the same time. They have to stop kissing and it takes both of them to work the laces back right. Nick's out of it in the best way and Lance is probably a little drunk. Nick says, "Who does Justin think is his boyfriend? He was babbling about it."

Lance rolls his eyes and sits back on the couch. He looks down and carefully pulls up his boxers, tries to tie his robe. "He thinks we're dating. He thinks we started after he and Brit imploded and it's, okay, on some level it's sweet, but mostly, it's just sort of annoying. We were just sleeping together, and now he's decided he's bi and really, mostly gay and he thinks we're in love or something."

"Rough problem, man. American's heartthrob wants you every which way and he's great in bed, too. Man, so glad I'm not you." Nick laughs. "God, this has been quite the party and now I need to go home."

Lance grins. "It was really good seeing you."

Nick says, "You, too." He sits in his car with all the windows rolled down for a few minutes to get his head together before he drives home. He's really almost high from the great sex. Happy and high.

*

The next morning Nick wakes up right after the sun rises. He looks out the window and pads back to bed to sleep. He wakes up again five hours later because the phone is ringing. "Hey, hey." He mumbles and doesn't care. His brief vacation, his four days off, he wants to sleep more. Conserve his strength for the long run.

Lance says, "What are you doing tonight?"

Nick blinks. "Uh. Nothing. Why?"

"Well, you know. I'm leaving for Russia," Lance laughs; like he can't believe he's saying it. "I was kinda thinking about getting laid. And there's Justin, but that's all complicated. I just, you know. You're kinda hotter than him anyway."

"That's sweet. So wait, this is a booty call, right?"

"Basically. But, Nick." Nick can hear the wheedling and he smiles.

"Oh, okay. Sure. This is my vacation; why not get good and laid? What time?"

Lance almost giggles. "Now?"

"Fuck, no, I just woke up. Gimme two hours." He showers and shaves, throws on jeans and a t-shirt from the floor. He doesn't think he'll be wearing it long.

He's right. Lance fucks desperately, doesn't want to take any breaks. He says, "You know, it's just. Russia, not the place to pick up guys. I've got plans for that, but I just want my fill of someone I trust and like and super-hot ain't bad either." He winks at Nick and reaches for his dick again.

After five hours of fucking, Nick lies back on the bed and tries to stretch. "Can I stay? I really don't want to drive home."

Lance rolls next to him and rubs his stomach. "Yeah, totally, I'll wake you at four."

"In the morning? Whoa. When is that?" Nick tries to crane his neck to see the clock.

"It's like, five hours from now. But, people are coming over, I have a plane to catch. I'm sorry." Lance ducks his head against Nick's chest, hides his face.

"No, that's fine. I understand, you know. Just, four sounds really early."

It is. It's dark out, and Nick feels every hour of sex as he gets up and gets dressed. Lance sits on the edge of the bed, kicking an already packed suitcase. "I am really sorry."

"Seriously, you need to stop that. I'm not that guy, you know, who doesn't understand needing to kick someone out. And you're not kicking me out, just you know. Sending me home or something. It's all good." Nick grins. "Write me when you get there?"

Lance smiles back. "Definitely." People going on adventures, Nick thinks. And Nick has his. Exciting. He's excited, he just wishes he had someone to do it with.

Nick goes home and sleeps for another six hours. He wakes up again, and thinks his body clock must be all screwed up. Clock all off and his body is aching. He gets in his car anyway and drives to 7-11. He likes 7-11. And he really wants a Slurpee.

He's in the aisle with the candy eyeing KitKats as big as his arm and knowing he won't get one when he spots Kirkpatrick. He's feeling awfully close to NSYNC the last few days and Chris he's always liked, so he thinks of him as Chris. He starts to wave and then Chris walks up to him. "Lookin' good, Mistuh Carrrrrrrrr-ter."

"You, too." Nick is lying. Chris looks tired and the beard horns look stupid. But the rest of him looks good, sexy compact body and nice smile.

"Dude, pay for your Slurpee and come sit outside with me. It's what people do." Chris winks and walks out.

Nick holds his Slurpee out and sits down gingerly. He's sort of sitting more on his back than his butt, trying to find some comfort sitting on the cement stopper thing on the parking space. Chris squats and sips his Coke. "So, how're you doing? Solo thing, right? Lot of that going 'round."

Nick makes small talk. People do this, he thinks. Run into friends at the 7-11, talk outside sitting on the curb. Brian told him that, back home and Nick tries to remember how this should feel. Because Brian told him stories, and Kevin, and Nick borrows that. Like he was there. He grins up at Chris. "Dude, I'm so not listening. I'm zoning here. You deserve a better audience."

"You were making good faces, though, I couldn't tell at all." Chris smirks.

"Good faces?"

"Faces that made me think -- you know what? Let's re-do. Wanna hang out tomorrow, you got time?" Chris holds out his hand and pulls Nick up.

"I do. My last day off. You gonna make it worth my while?" Nick's talking out of his ass, he may even be flirting and it's all because he's gotten laid so much in the last two days, he's just looking at every member of NSYNC now as a potential fuck. In a good way.

Chris raises an eyebrow. "I could. I dunno, we could just play video games if that doesn't work out."

Nick nods and feels dumb. "Uh, okay." Maybe he should ask his nutritionist about all this. But, he's not going to. He's going to go back to his house and sleep and be awake enough to enjoy playing video games or possibly getting laid tomorrow. He waves to Chris as he gets in his car. Okay, so maybe his vacation is going to be all about sex. It's an okay thing.

Chris has video games and a nice house. Spare, like he's just moved in or doesn't spend much time there. Nick doesn't ask. He sneaks looks over at Chris sometimes, in his shorts and a plain white t-shirt. Chris looks good. Tired, like yesterday, but if Nick ignores the beard horns; it's a friendly face. Like a dog, but in a good way. A cuddly way. Nick goes back to concentrating on the game.

After a few hours, Chris stands up and says, "These old bones need a rest. You just flirting, or you actually interested?"

Nick laughs and covers his mouth. "You need a rest but you wanna? You know? That doesn't make sense."

"Oh, come on." Chris starts ticking off points on his hand. "One, I'm checking now but we're gonna eat first. Two, if we do it's because you were being all flirty yesterday. Three, I think it would be fun because I haven't gotten laid since I got dumped. Four, you've grown up hot, man. Five, this is my pinky. Even my pinky's sexy. See?" Chris waves it in Nick's face. It's not sexy but it makes Nick laugh and he likes that. It's like being with Brian, except Nick has a chance of getting Chris in bed.

Nick says, "Okay. I'm completely interested." He absolutely is.

Chris beams. Like he wasn't expecting that. "Good. Let's get food."

Over macaroni and cheese that Chris makes from a package with Aaron's face on it, Nick says, "Who dumped you?"

Chris frowns. "Well. It's not that exciting."

"I'll tell you mine." Nick reaches across the table for the pitcher of water and pours himself another glass while he watches Chris consider.

"Okay, shoot."

"Howie dumped me. Like, when the tour was over. After a year. It was sort of painful. You know?" Because things were so hard, because it didn't really matter that Howie felt perfect for Nick and made him feel smart and happy even with everything that happened on that tour. Maybe it did matter to Howie but he dumped Nick anyway and it didn't make any sense to Nick. It still doesn't. It's just painful. Nick pauses and Chris nods. "Best part? Now he's seeing Wade. I mean, Wade. Wade's taller than me. He towers over Howie. He's like a foot taller than Howie."

"Did Howie break up with you because you're too tall?" Chris keeps a straight face as he says it.

"No. There were, like, reasons. But it's just, you know. Wade's too tall for Howie."

"Totally." Chris looks serious, which is nice. Chris eats more of his macaroni and cheese and then says, "Joey. Got dumped by Joey. So now we're even."

"Even? I didn't know you were seeing Joey. I didn't know Joey even, you know."

"He does. I got him after he dumped Lance. So. Exciting, huh?" Chris eats with a fierce concentration. Nick should drop this, but he just can't.

"Wait. With Lance, Joey was after me? Right? Or, um, maybe not tell me."

"No, it was after you. Lance dated you, then briefly Joey and then Wade, which was sort of gross. And lots of pretty boys in between and since and even now. But he didn't cheat on you or anything." Chris pauses and waits until Nick is looking at him before he keeps going. It's nice, Nick thinks, it's nice because Chris wants him to know he's telling the truth. Nick believes him so he smiles. Chris is good people, he thinks, that he wants Nick to know that. Chris continues. "So, yeah, and then I was sort of after Lance but he tried with Kelly for a little while after Briahna was born and then that didn't work, which, no surprise, and then we were a thing and then we weren't. He dumped me again and now Kelly's what he wants again and do you want dessert?"

Nick says, "I very much want dessert. And then we go fool around, right?"

Which is exactly how it works out. Chris laughs and bites when he fucks and Nick likes both things. Nick traces his fingers over the elaborate dragon tattooed on Chris's calf as he starts to fall asleep. Chris rubs at his head and says, "Why don't you reverse yourself so I'm not waking up to this view of your feet?"

Nick laughs and sits up. Falls back down with a thomp next to Chris. "You gotta set your alarm. I have a grind to get back to. Things to do. Places to be. Starting tomorrow."

Chris looks more tired in the half-light from the lamp by the bed. His face looks blank. "Things to do. Yeah, I can set the alarm. You gonna want to do this again sometime?"

"Definitely. I would love that." Nick smoothes Chris's hair at the back of his neck. Soft and clean.

"Well, I'd like it, too. You know, a summer thing, maybe. Something before your life gets more even insane with the album and stuff."

Nick feels like that's wrong, he should object. He doesn't know that he wants to rule things out so soon. Potential things. He'd like to not be so lonely. But he's really tired from all the fucking of the last five days and he just nods his agreement.

*

So it's a great summer. Nick decides to start counting the summer as beginning with the week where he fucked 3/5ths of NSYNC in five days. And that's got to be a good omen, if not the plot of a porno he'd buy and never stop watching.

"It helps that Howie dumped Wade, too," Nick says on the phone to Chris. Lots of phone calls. Even better than the sex, Nick thinks, but doesn't say, dating Chris means lots of phone calls. Chris is funny, everyone knows that, but he's also smart and older in a good way. Not in a condescending way, but in a way where he's just calmer. More at peace. But Nick thinks part of that is that Chris isn't doing much this summer.

Chris says, "Yeah, because having your ex not be in a good place is a happy thing. You guys are still friends, of course?"

"Of course. But now I can be happy to see him and not want to, you know, claw out his eyes because he looks all smug and coupled up. Okay, tell me about your latest rest stop." And then Chris goes off on a story that has to be half made up, but Nick couldn't care less. It makes him laugh, and it's nice to have someone to call who just wants to make Nick laugh.

Of course, he has that anyway, but sometimes Leighanne answers and makes that noise. That indescribable Leighanne noise of 'why are you calling, Brian has other things to do.' Maybe Nick's imagining it, and he hopes so.

"Top of the world, man," Nick tells his nutritionist. He has a great new band, he likes all of them, they like him. It's almost like the Boys again, but without the weight of history, betrayal from Lou, Nick's almost shame from being with people who remember when he was all fucked up. He knows the guys don't think about it the way he does, but Nick thinks about it that way. Even it's not really the top and Nick doesn't think it will be the top of the pops again.

"You're starting off with a clean slate," his nutritionist says. "There are pluses and minuses to that, you know."

Nick nods, actually back in Orlando briefly. He's thinking he'll see Chris in a few hours and he can't stop wanting to bounce around about that. His nutritionist is quiet so Nick knows he's supposed to say something. "The minuses are that there isn't that level of communication, you know? Like, sometimes, I don't even have to say things to AJ, he just knows. It's like that with all the guys."

"And there's more."

Nick nods. "They haven't proved that they can handle the tough shit. Like, man, you want to know four people I know have my back? Right, these guys, the band, not so much. Don't know that yet. But it's still nice." Nick gnaws at his thumb a little. "Is that bad? That I like it so much? I don't like them, I mean, AJ, Howie, Brian, Kevin; I don't like 'em less. It's just easier. It's less something. Is that bad?"

"Do you feel guilty about it?"

"Maybe. I guess so. And it won't last. It's not like family, family. The good family, the guys. But I think it's still okay, right? That's okay, feeling guilty, right?"

Nick's nutritionist starts talking again and Nick listens earnestly. His nutritionist is a smart guy. Nick decides he shouldn't feel guilty and he's going to work on that.

As they're winding up, his nutritionist asks about Chris. "Oh, that's really, really good."

"Do you love him?"

Nick blinks. "I don't know. I, uh, do I have to have an answer for that? We've been only together a little while. Two months or something. And he seems a little gun shy or whatever. I mean, it might be kind of stupid to be in love. I think he's gonna probably dump me or something. Maybe." Which is the part Nick hates about seeing his nutritionist. There are things he likes to not think about, not have to say out loud.

"You think you can control whether you fall in love with someone?"

Nick sighs and then the session is over. He walks out slowly.

*

Chris even comes overseas, to England once and other places, too. He flies under the radar and doesn't bring bodyguards. Nick turns a corner and Chris is there, in a hat and glasses and no one looks twice. It's almost funny. Nick can't stop grinning with each surprise visit.

Chris says he doesn't have anything else to do, which Nick suspects might be a lie. He doesn't push. Chris walks by girls at the hotel entrance and they don't even blink, but then again, NSYNC isn't as big outside the states as Backstreet. Either way, it's three or four times that Nick comes into his big hotel room and the only person hiding in the closet is Chris. Chris does that only once because it isn't the good kind of surprise.

Then Chris breaks out video games and they play for a while. Each time. It's the easiest sort of date and it always ends in sex. Nick knows he's happy and Chris looks happy, too.

Nick decides he's always going to date guys who are in the business. He can talk to Chris and Chris just understands. Chris says, "You think you'll be number one?"

Nick shrugs. "I hope so."

"But you've been there." Chris picks at his burger. Room service food, Chris actually likes it.

"Well, but not for me. Not just me." Nick leans across and steals one of Chris's fries.

"Well, you've already been there. I just, you know. Look, you know, I read this once, on the Simpsons or something. Actually, you know what? It was Life in Hell, you ever read that?"

Nick laughs. "Yeah, man, Jeff and Akbar. Right?"

"Yeah. Anyway, keep your expectations tiny and you get through life not being so whiny. Like that."

"So you think I won't be that big, huh?" Nick feels disappointed. That's the right word. He's not surprised and that makes him sad.

"I think you're big now. Doing it on your own, right? That's big. Who gets to do that at twenty-two? Not me. Fuck, twenty-two, I was singing in front of a fucking onion rings sign. And the album's good, man, it's absolutely good. Seriously, I wouldn't lie to you. But, you know. I want you to be happy. And not all burnt out Leif Garrett Behind the Music." Chris looks up and licks the salt from Nick's lips. Distraction, Nick thinks, but he'll take it. He opens his mouth and kisses Chris. Runs his hand up and down Chris's neck. They don't talk about it again. Nick thinks Chris is right about what he said, but he just doesn't want to think about it.

Back in Orlando, Chris sneaks him into a movie theater with second run movies. They sit in the back and make jokes during the previews. Nick's fingers get sticky with butter and he tries to wipe them off on Chris's pants and Chris slaps his hand away. Then he grabs Nick's hand and licks every finger more than clean. Nick is pretty painfully hard at the end of that little display.

"Everybody dies soon, right?"

Chris giggles. "It's a comedy, you big fuck. Nobody dies. Damn it. Wish that one would go down, though." He points at the girl who's painfully plastic. She reminds Nick of Mandy.

"Oh, yeah, me, too." They've been shushed twice by some guy sitting two rows in front of them. They're trying to whisper, but damn, the theater isn't full or anything. The guy and his girl could move. The guy looks back again and glares.

Chris looks repentant and presses his lips together, stops talking until the end of the movie. It doesn't help. As the lights go up, the guy turns around and leans over the chair. He waves his finger at them and says, "You guys! If you can't fucking shut up in a theater you should rent videos and stay out so the rest of us can enjoy them." He's silent, like Nick or Chris is going to apologize. Chris is just staring at the guy. The guy stomps off and says, "Fucking teenagers," loudly to his girlfriend.

Chris puts his hand over Nick's mouth so they both don't burst out laughing until they get outside. "You guys," Nick sputters, pointing at Chris.

"Fucking teenagers," Chris says, laughing. "Damn, Carter, getting me in trouble. You were the one talking all the time."

"It was you! You were the one with the talking back to the preview!" Nick gets in Chris's car.

"No, it was you. I was just responding to you. You started it. You're a bad person. Man, I bet the guy so doesn't get laid. Kinda pity, because he was wound way too tight." Chris grins. "Now, seeing as we're damn teenagers, we have a better chance, don't you think? Horny teenagers, fresh from being all, well, fresh and loud at the movies?"

"Dude, we're so getting laid tonight. We're fucking teenagers, remember? It's in the description or something." Nick rubs Chris's thigh while Chris drives. Nick says, "Guaranteed."

"See, this is nice. You know, summer lovin'. No, you know, no forevers. Just the good stuff. And then when you get too busy, we're just friends again." Chris grins.

Nick keeps his hand on Chris's thigh. "Well, yeah. But we could even go beyond that, right? I mean, you're ruling everything out?"

"Well, come on. I'm too old for this shit. I'm too old to be some big star's behind the door. If I wanted to date the super solo star at the height of his promotion, I'd be with Justin, man." Chris frowns.

"I think Justin has other plans, you know. Isn't he dating Janet Jackson?" Nick tries to laugh. He wasn't expecting that violent a reaction. He keeps thinking Chris is just kidding about this shit, trying to stop before things get too serious. Nick might be right about that, but Chris is pretty serious about not getting serious.

"They were just fucking. And Justin has heart set on someone else, as you know. Right?" Chris still isn't smiling.

"I know. He has good taste in boyfriends. Lance is good people." Nick puts both of his hands in his lap, like flopping about to die fish. Suck, suck, he thinks. This sucks.

"Lance is good people. Like you. You two were cute together, man. Why did that end again?"

Nick doesn't answer. He knows what he's supposed to say, something about distance and crazy schedules. The drawbacks of success. So he fell in the trap, he doesn't have to admit it. Chris turns up the radio and sings along. He changes the station again and again until he finds a song Nick will sing with and once Nick figures that out, he starts singing along. It's a nice kind of "sorry I'm emotionally unavailable" gesture, he guesses.

*

He tells Brian about all of it over the phone, sometime in August. The video's really soon, just a week or two. "I figure he'll dump me then. You know, the video's like the sign I'm too busy or something."

Brian says, "Well. I know you like him, but why not dump him, then? I mean, if you know it's coming, maybe, you know."

"No, I don't want him to break up with me. I keep thinking he'll change his mind, you know. Figure out he wants more than just this summer."

"Have you said that to him?"

"I tried. He says he has rules. Cause, like, okay, I tried bringing it up a couple of times and then finally he had to go into his rules. Mostly, you know, I think he got dumped by Joey and he's been dumped before that and he's made up these stupid rules so it doesn't happen again. He says it'll never work past the summer because we'll both have these schedules and we'll never be together. Also, he says it's a rule that relationships work better with a set time frame." Nick sighs.

"Okay, if that time frame is forever, maybe." Brian laughs. "Those are stupid rules."

"I should have said that. Not the forever part, I mean, I'm not ready for that. But. He's really nice to have around."

"So." Brian's somewhere across the country, and Nick can imagine his face. Patient, not smiling. "So if he's nice to have around, you know, fix it. Except, remember, you know, can't fix people." They all learned that from the counselors after AJ, from AJ, too.

"I think he likes me. I mean, really. He's awfully nice to me when he's, you know, not making it really clear he's not gonna keep being with me. I keep thinking he'll change his mind."

Brian's quiet for a little while. Then he says, "That doesn't sound very nice to me. It's like a tease. Ha, ha, I can be all nice and make you feel good. But don't get too happy, man. I dunno."

Nick says, "Man, I gotta go. Between you and my nutritionist, I'll never get laid again."

*

Chris breaks up with him in person, two days before the video shoot. Nick can't decide how he feels about the in person part. He might have preferred the phone, he thinks. He knows he would prefer that Chris would stay with him.

In LA, his hotel room and when he comes in, Chris is just sitting on the bed. Nick can tell just from Chris's expression. But he's going to make Chris say it. He thinks, suddenly, before Chris can say anything that he should kiss Chris now. Fuck. Because it's going to be the last time. Instead he leans against the door. Says, "Hi."

Chris says, "Hi." He studies his hands. "Okay, summer's pretty over."

"Technically, not until September 23rd. So I should have another month, don't you think?"

Chris shakes his head. "It's not like that. It's just. I'm not gonna, you know, you're about to get crazy busy. You don't have time for this."

"I think I might. I think you could give it a try. I think that's a stupid reason you just made up because you're stupid." Nick will not cry. He just won't.

"I thought you got it. It works out this way, it's better. No messy dumping, man, just this and we're okay." Chris stands up like that settles everything. Just say over and it is.

"We're not okay. I don't like this, I don't want this. You should stay."

Chris shakes his head again. He walks up to the door and Nick thinks about not moving. Seeing how long it would take to make Chris hit him or something. But he just can't believe Chris won't change his mind. He steps aside. Chris mutters bye and something else and then he's gone.

*

Howie comes by the video shoot. Nick's glad to see him, he really is. Because he was dumped but that was in the past and someone else has dumped him since. They sit on the hotel bed and Howie kicks at the stand. He's nervous. Nick pats his knee. "Man, it's fine."

Howie shrugs. "I just want things to be good with us."

"They're fine." Nick smiles. "Okay, I'm a little miserable. But that's Chris. Not you, we're good." They really are. There's no way Nick would let things get too bad with Howie. He doesn't want to be like Chris and push people away because he got hurt once. Twice. A lot of times.

Howie touches Nick's face, kisses him. Softly, like old times, but. So it would be nice, it would be more than nice except. Nick sits back. "I can't, man. I'm sorry."

Howie looks maybe relieved. Nick decides to think about that later. He says, "You know, I just got dumped. I'm not. Let's not. You know, you and me, friends." Nick tries a smile. And he goes back out and he keeps smiling until he really feels it. It's all okay. Really. He just keeps thinking that.

*

He leaves a message for Chris once a week for six weeks. His nutritionist thinks it's a bad idea, but Nick decides he couldn't give a fuck. One time he sings, one time he talks for three minutes about love and potential and not letting things go. The last time he just says, "You know, I do love you. I think you love me. So I think you should forget your stupid rules and think about that. And not be stupid. Let me do that, how about that?"

He calls Kevin because he likes to call Kevin. Kevin knows from things that suck, even if he has patched things up with Kristin again. Nick says, "Do you ever see people all happy and coupled up and you're not and you think, 'fuck them dead, fuckers.'"

Kevin laughs. "Yes." They talk more but it's oddly comforting, just Kevin's "yes."

*

He's not that mad, per se. He's really busy and it's a fun busy, doing things on his own. Happy, even. He's pretty happy. Even with Chris being an ass and dumping him and how many times has he been dumped now? "I always get dumped," he tells his nutritionist.

"Why do you think that is?" Typical non-answer.

"I think I suck."

"Not the people dumping you?"

"You mean they suck?" Nick lies back on his hotel room. One day in Orlando tomorrow, he'll actually see Lance for this first time since the summer. "They're maybe the ones who suck? Well, then I seem to have a talent for picking people who suck to fall in love with."

Quiet on the line. Nick hates that. He adds, "Except, really, most of them didn't suck. Mandy sucked. But, I mean, Howie doesn't suck. He's great. We're, like, really good friends now. Really." Which is completely true. Howie, he knows, will have his back until he dies. Someone to count on. Even if it's not love anymore, or that kind of love. "And Chris isn't a bad guy."

"Well, he hurt you. So."

"So maybe suck is the wrong word. I dunno, is our hour up yet?" Nick's nutritionist sighs and says yes so Nick gratefully hangs up.

He has three hours and he takes one to go to Lance's. Home now, home from Russia and never saw the stars. It seems really sad to Nick even if he thought it was a crazy idea. So he can take an hour and say hello.

He's buzzed in and the door is open. A few steps in and there's Lance in the kitchen, the living room dark. When Nick walks past the couch, there's Justin, too, asleep, curled in a ball. Nick says "Hey" quietly.

Lance speaks quietly, too. He says, "Hey. Welcome home, I guess."

"Just for a few hours. How're you? Really?"

"Everyone says it that way." Lance frowns. "I'm completely fine. Utterly fine."

"I have this nutritionist who might say that sounds like denial or something." Nick grins and leans on his elbows on the counter.

Lance starts to say something but Justin's woken up and he rubs his eyes as he walks behind Lance. He drapes himself on Lance's shoulders and mumbles something that might be "hi." Then Justin yawns and says, "I gotta. Okay, I'll get my schedule and we'll work all this out." He untangles himself from Lance and drifts off to another room.

Nick says, "So I guess you got a boyfriend." Nick thinks he hates Lance. Except he doesn't, but he does think he's insanely jealous. He doesn't want Justin, he just wants someone to rearrange their schedule for him.

Lance squeezes his eyes shut and rubs his nose. "I tried so hard. Man, you've no idea. I really tried. He's, like, fucking irresistible. Unstoppable."

"And that's something to complain about. Man wants you, he's a mostly good guy --"

"He's a completely good guy." Lance leans back. "Don't dis my guys. We've had this talk. Only I get to say that shit."

Nick puts his hands up. "Fine, fine. Point taken. I'm just saying, it's not something to be upset about, you know, having a boyfriend."

Lance looks down. "Point taken. But, you know, I tried really hard not to have this one. Really hard. No stopping Justin, the bastard."

"I wish he'd give me lessons on that. Being unstoppable." Nick rests his forehead on the cool counter.

"Well, it takes a certain amount of, uh, self-centeredness. If that's a word." Lance reaches out and ruffles Nick's hair.

Nick snorts and stands up all the way, stretches. "I guess. I'm pretty self-centered." He pats Lance's shoulder; hard muscle under the t-shirt Lance is wearing. "I should go. I have no time."

Lance says, "I'm glad you stopped by."

Nick drives around for the rest of his hours off, calls Aaron, watches the sun shine off the other cars.

*

And it's not the top of the pops, it won't be at all. Brian calls him up and says, "Are you disappointed? I mean, I guess it hurts."

"I dunno, man." Nick looks in his mirror and he's smiling. Not fake or plastered on, even if he did just get someone fired for using the word fag, even with all that. It's a real smile. He says, "You know, people always say shit about the view from the top and the view from the way down. If this is the way down, I like the view better. Because I'm really here for it. I can see it all. You know? I was so fucked up and out of it and stupid and young, you know, really young on the way up and at the top. But this is really nice." So Chris is really stupid about some things and really smart about other things. Nick misses Chris all the time. It should get better, but it hasn't yet.

Brian says, "Yeah?" Nick thinks that must be the same tone everyone uses on Lance now. Waiting for the break to happen. He'd kill to get Chris back, he wouldn't mind selling more records, but he's taking what he has.

"You know, yeah. Absolutely yeah. Fuck, I'm still pretty young. Rich forever and you know? I just, okay, here's the thing. If this is down, it's still pretty good. I get to do all the things I like and I don't have eight million people acting like I'm the key to their retirement account and the ones who do? I've got, uh, my retirement account taken care of. And I'm only twenty-two. I'm really okay. I guess this is grown up or something, maybe?"

Brian pauses. "You know, how come I'm the one about to be a father and you're the one who turned out all wise?"

"I promise to come by and prove just how unwise I can be, man. I'm taking your boy to go carting and roller coasters and all that shit. It's a promise, man."

Brian says, "I'm going to hold you to that."

*

Christmas show. Nick has a few of them. His place on the billing has moved to sooner rather than later, but Nick doesn't mind. He has a small dressing room and his band is moving around so he steps in the corridor. Just in time for a mass of moving people, bodyguards and leather and baseball hats, all drifting past him. A hand reaches out to him and it's Justin. Justin grins and says, "Nick! My boy."

The people part and Justin is smiling at him, leaning on a crutch. The shit-eating grin of the happily coupled up, and still the nervous grin of the very, very successful. Nick smiles back, not nervous at all. He feels almost relaxed. Justin says, "Is that your room? I wanna talk to you."

Nick says, "It's pretty full."

Justin says, "'Kay. Okay, let's go here," and he nudges Nick over to a deserted room. Then it's just the two of them, none of Justin's posse. Justin still has his phone to his ear, like he's had the whole time. "Yeah," he says to the phone. "I gotta motor. I'll so be right back." Phone snapped shut, Justin beams at Nick again. "Nick, Nick, you look good. You look happy. Are you seeing someone, cause I kinda heard not, but I was just wondering."

"I'm, I'm not. I'm not seeing anyone. You know, since, um --"

"Chris." Justin nods. "I thought you really liked him."

"I did, I do. He dumped me." Nick swallows. "Are we, is there more? I'm a pretty good mood and I don't need. You know, salt in the wound, all that."

"No, no, sorry. Just, um, checking. I mean, my boyfriend worries about you. He likes you. I like you, but he knows you better." Justin keeps that big ass smile and looks down. "So, um, can you wait here? There's this thing and I really wanted to talk to you but I have to do this very short thing."

Nick says, "Sure. I wanted some quiet time. But I'm leaving this room in fifteen minutes, okay?"

"Cool!" And then Justin's gone. Nick sits on the floor and literally twiddles his thumbs. He should learn cool games to do when he's alone minus a gameboy or something.

Then he looks up and Chris is standing there. Looking sheepish, maybe, or Nick's projecting. No more beard horns, thank goodness, shaved head looks nice. Still tired. Still, Nick thinks, someone he wants to be with a lot. But. Chris is just standing there. Nick says, "Hi. People say hi."

"These people say hi," Chris says, a twist of his lips like a smile.

"So, what's up, Chris?"

Chris looks down, not at Nick. "Well, so, I was thinking, you know, these past few months. Since we ended. Thinking about things. You know."

It's been nearly five months. They didn't even date that long. Nick thinks he's being kind of stupid to be excited that Chris seems to want to get back together with him. But he's pretty young and he has time to be stupid. That's this year's lesson. And for his one un-stupid thing today, Nick's going to make Chris say all of it. So he studies his hands.

Chris clears his throat. "Okay, so Justin's on this weird matchmaking crusade. I mean, he keeps going on about how happy he is, how happy I was. How I'm an idiot, to use his words. And I was maybe thinking he's right."

"Maybe?" Nick keeps his head down so Chris can't see his smile.

"Fine, he's right. But don't tell him. I mean, yeah, I was stupid. Pretty damn stupid. Because you're good people. And you're really hot. So if you wanted to, maybe, try again," Chris's voice trails off. "You're not going to help me out here one bit, are you?"

Nick stands up and brushes off his butt. He looks down at Chris and grins. "No, I'm not. Because you were being stupid. I told you that."

"I'm a stupid fucking teenager. Take me back anyway?"

"You're not a teenager, man. We gotta be in a pretty dark theater for anyone to think that." Nick sticks his hands in his pocket so he doesn't try to touch Chris.

"What else do I need to say now? Something sappy? Love you forever or something like that?"

Nick considers. He says, "Promise me, not like forever, or anything like that. Promise me you won't bail. On us. Again. And uh, also, you're not, you're here just because Justin told you?"

"Ah, the question of motive." Chris finally smiles. "It's not just Justin, it's not because you never made it to number one, it's not because I can't get laid with anyone else. I just miss you. I keep missing you and so since it seems like we're not, we weren't together because of me, I think it seemed like a good idea to grovel and change my mind. So. So I promise not to bail. Take me back?"

So Nick does and fifteen minutes is really more like twenty which isn't nearly enough time to catch up on the important things, like the way Chris's neck smells and the feel of his hair, but Nick has a show to do and he loves that, too. And Chris will wait, so that's good. Top of the world if you look at it the right way and it turns out, it's really nice.

THE END

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