NOTES AND DISCLAIMERS: All made up. Another part of the *Nsoap AU. Plotted with Younger. Thanks to Younger, Katie and Kel for the wonderful betas.

GO AWRY

"How long have you been obsessively stalking Lance?" Chris smirked.

"I'm not stalking him." Justin snorted. "I have a plan, it's completely different. Plus, you can't stalk someone who actually likes you. And Lance likes me." Justin turned and nudged Chris. "Do you want to hear the story or not?"

Chris rolled his eyes. "Oh, please, tell me about you and Lance in Indianapolis and all the fun you had! Did you at least finally have sex with him?"

Justin sighed. "No, we did not. It's not, you know, I could have slept with him any time. Like, any time in the last eight months. But I don't wanna."

"You don't want to have sex with Lance?"

"I do." Justin paused. "I've explained this. See, if I had sex with him, I'd just be this guy he had sex with. Another, you know, one-night stand. But I want, like, the whole thing."

Chris nodded. Sometimes, Justin thought, Chris paid attention; sometimes, he really listened. Because of that, Justin kept talking. If Justin weren't so annoyed with Chris about the stalking remark, he would admit to himself that Chris always paid attention. Chris said, "Okay, tell me about Indianapolis."

"So, you know, meet and greet fan thing. For charity. Um, half went to a local AIDS group and the other half went to a homeless shelter. So, good causes. Anyway, so we do the presentation thing, you know, blooper reel, blah blah blah. Have you been to one?"

"I went to that luncheon thing with JC, remember? And thank goodness for that, because, fuck, did like every gay man in a three hundred mile radius come to that thing to hit on JC?" Chris frowned.

"Yes, yes, they did. Your boyfriend is hot. And famous. And you didn't let go of his arm except for those five minutes he was talking and stuff, so I think they all got the message." Justin played with the laces on his sneakers. "Well, this one is different. Because it's not all of us, and it's not, you know, sit down luncheon. We do a thing up on stage and show bloopers and outtakes and answer questions and shit. And then there's tables for, like, autograph signing."

Justin rubbed his chin. He said, "So. We're signing things. We each have a table. And mine is next to Lance's. So my line is the usual, you know, girls, women, chicks slipping me phone numbers and wanting me to sign their breasts. Stuff like that. And, you know, nice fans. So I look over, because Lance's line is the only one with any guys in it. I mean, basically, he had all the guys who couldn't score with JC in his line. Like, every gay man in a 300 mile radius --"

"Jealous, much?"

"Yes. Except he's not gonna sleep with all of them, or most of them."

"Just one or two?" Chris was smirking again.

"I don't know, man, but he was in the room next to mine, and he went to back to his room at the same time I did. Alone. Actually, he even came over and watched TV with me for a half hour." Justin shrugged. "So, anyway, I look over and he's standing up, talking to this older woman. And she's crying. And I listen and she's going on and on about her son is gay and it's so hard and she worries about him all the time but she watches the show and she just really wants her son to find someone like James and the show gives her hope. And Lance was really nice and talking to her way longer than we're supposed to and he hugged her. It was really nice."

Chris said, "Ah. So you appreciate more than his fine ass."

"Duh."

"This I knew. But, seriously, Justin, you've been talking about Lance like this, and I won't say stalking, but you've been talking about him for at least five months --"

"And you were in love with JC for how long?"

Chris waved his hands. "Exactly! But that was me not doing anything. Then I decided to do something. And two days later, man, we were living together."

"And how long had you known JC at that point?"

Chris sighed. "So your plan is to wait on Lance for, like, six years?"

Justin shrugged. "My plan is to make him see how good we would be, and to, uh, penetrate his bullshit facade of 'I'm so single, I don't want anything' and you know, make him happy."

Chris patted Justin's shoulder. "That's not such a bad plan."

*

Justin had had a lot of plans. And the only one that hadn't come to fruition was the one with Lance. Justin had decided when he was three and saw Sesame Street that he wanted to be on TV. His mother had explained that the animals were puppets and no one could grow up to be a puppet, but the people were actors. When he was eleven, he convinced his mother and stepfather they should move to Los Angeles so he could really make it. And Justin's plan worked, he started working right away. He was cast on Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow when he was thirteen and he'd been on ever since, minus those ten months after Lou fired him and before Johnny hired him back.

He was one of the most popular actors on the most popular daytime soap opera, and he didn't want for anything else, professionally. He had great friends, he was really close to his mother, everything was pretty much perfect.

Except he wasn't in love. He'd been in love with Britney and that had gone straight to hell last year when he'd found she'd slept with their personal trainer, Wade. He could have been in love with Nick but that hadn't worked. Chris was in love with JC, Joey still wasn't ready to commit to anyone but his daughter, and Justin had tried and failed with one of the only women he ever thought about being with forever. So he'd decided and he knew he was right and Lance was the one. He just needed to make Lance see it.

*

Lance flipped through the script and looked up. "No fucking way!"

Johnny said, "Lance, watch your language."

"But. Seriously, Johnny, Jay and James go undercover to get Slim --"

Justin smiled. "Lance, you knew that."

"And pretend to be a gay couple? Jay's gonna kiss James?" Lance pushed his hair back. He looked mad. Justin was trying not to dance on the table.

Johnny said, "I like it. We get to play with things. And it's a great meet cute thing for Justin's new love interest. She thinks he's gay! He can't tell her because he's undercover. And Josh can be slightly jealous, you know, questioning things with James. It will work out fine. Do you have a real problem with it, Lance?"

Lance shook his head. When the run through was over, Lance stalked back to their dressing room, frowning. As soon as Justin closed the door, Lance said, "Did you pay him to write that?"

"No, God." Justin sat down and took off his sneakers. He didn't like to wear the really good ones when he was on his way to wardrobe. He didn't want anyone thinking his Air Force Ones were part of his damn costume and something that they could keep in that smelly wardrobe room. Justin said, "I think it'll be fun."

"Yeah, stories where straight people pretend to be gay are so funny. Maybe you could, I dunno, indulge in some stereotypes to make people think you're gay." Lance sat down and rubbed his forehead.

"Well, I doubt Johnny's going to write that kind of story. You think Josh and James are that kind of story?"

"No. But you know, now gay's all the rage. God, even Dreams Of Love has, um, they have that gay hustler thing."

Justin grinned. "Man, you're complaining that Kevin Richardson is playing a gay hustler? Wearing black leather pants and looking all sexy four days a week? It's lame that they're doing the whole twin thing, but man, Kevin Richardson. In leather."

Lance rolled his eyes. "Look, I just."

"You don't want to kiss me. I'm okay with it, man, I get it. I promise, no tricks. No garlic." Justin smiled and pulled on his slippers. "Gotta go, lover."

*

"Oddly enough, he likes me more now." Justin grinned. "I mean, really."

Chris said, "Two weeks into the storyline and he likes you more?"

"If I'd known professionalism would be so effective, I would have, well. Actually, I'm just being like normal, you know, like I always am. But hell, I guess I would've cut out the jokes those earlier times. But really, we have lunch all the time. When his mom came to visit, he introduced me to her, special. And he loves his mother, man, he's a real mama's boy."

"Takes one to know one."

"Yup. And he recognizes that in me. We talk, man, he's totally opening up to me. It's like he's accepting that we'd be good for each other. You know, we talk, we bond."

Chris made his "whatever" face. "Talk about what?"

"Growin' up in the South. Acting. Our friends. Lots of stuff." Justin rubbed Chris's hair. "Now, I must memorize and memorize. Talk to you later." He walked back to his dressing room. Joey was gone again, his storylines were actually heating up for once. Lance was reading over his script, making small notes.

Lance looked up and said, "Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, fire away."

"Who's Fe?"

Justin sat down and started playing with his script. "On the show?" Lance nodded. "Dude, you never watched at all, did you?"

"No. And I could look it up or something, but, you know. You're the expert." Justin kept a tape of every show he'd been on, and all the other eps that had aired in the years he'd been on. He still memorized everyone else's lines in his scenes, he just felt like it was important. Lance had made fun of him for it when they first started sharing a dressing room, the three of them, but now he always came to Justin for story questions.

"Well, Fe is Ophelia's nickname. That's the girl Brit played." Lance nodded again. "Ophelia Colden, but despite the last name not in any way related to Jay or Josh. Because, you know, Jay and Josh are Coldens, even though that's not our last name. Like, we're Petra's grandkids. So, Ophelia's father is Winston Colden, who Petra thought was her half-brother, but it turned out that they didn't even have the same father. Anyway, back in the early 80s, Winston married this crazy actress and she had Ophelia."

"And Jay and Fe had a thing?"

"Well, yeah. Not initially. I mean, not for a long time. The funny thing is Brit started when she was, um, sixteen? But Fe hadn't been a big character or anything, so Fe was actually born in 1982. Like Brit. As opposed to say, Josh, who was actually born on the show in 1987 or Jay who was born in 1989."

"1987?" Lance snorted.

"They age up kids, you know. So, yeah, James is living with a fifteen year old. And Jay and Josh were born two years apart, even though right now, they're five years apart. But yeah. Anyway, so Brit starts as Fe back in '97 but she and I weren't, well, Jay and Fe didn't get together for a few years."

Lance looked down and fiddled with his pencil. "Not like you and Brit?"

"Nope." Justin closed his eyes. "Me and Brit started going out after she'd been on the show a year, moved in together a year after that, blah blah blah. Um, we always had really good chemistry on the show, so a lot of people wanted Fe and Jay to get together. There was some back and forth and then, you know, super-couple crap two, three years ago."

"Was it nice, you know, working with your girlfriend?"

Justin opened his eyes and watched Lance carefully writing on his script. "It sort of sucked. I mean, I always think it was partly why we broke up. Before, we worked together, but not every minute of every day. I think we kind of wore each other out with the constant part of it. You know, we were living together and we had every scene together and we had a lot of scenes." Justin wanted Lance to look up, he wanted to see what Lance was thinking, if he could. "Why do you ask about Fee?"

"Oh. Josh is talking about her in this scene. Something about Jay being all heartbroken and etc." Lance looked up but his face was blank. "You looking over that kissing scene?"

Justin nodded. "I'm gonna screw it up once or twice, just to warn you. I mean, 'cause I'm supposed to be all awkward 'I'm kissing a guy!' and I've kissed guys. I'm pretty okay with it."

Lance laughed. "Yes, yes, I know. I've heard. Exactly how many?"

Justin sat forward and grinned. Sexual history, that was a definite good sign that Lance wanted to talk about that. "It's not that high number but. Um, okay, Joey, Chris, Nick, and that's the ones you know. There's another few you don't."

"Joey?"

"When I was sixteen. My first. First guy, I'd already done everything with a girl. That you can do, you know." Justin watched Lance smirk.

"Yes, you're a stud. I get it." Lance turned back to his script. "I slept with JC once, but, I think that's the only one you know."

Justin kept his eyes on Lance's back. This felt good, sharing and talking. Even more than they usually talked, this was personal and good. He didn't think Lance told most people that. He said, "Once?"

"Once." Lance paused. "It's not that exciting. Like you and Chris, only not as long. You know, buddies. Just that once."

And there was no way that was what Lance had wanted, Justin was sure. But he wasn't going to argue with Lance about it.

Justin stood up and rubbed Lance's shoulders. "Hey, let's do the kiss now."

Lance sat forward and got out from under Justin's hands. "Now?" Justin stepped back.

"Turn around." Justin was surprised that Lance actually did. A sign. Justin leaned down and kissed him. Sweet and nice and just about perfect.

Lance pushed back against his desk and said, "That was hardly awkward."

"I know. That one was for me. I didn't want our first kiss to be on TV and all acting." Lance blinked and didn't say anything. He looked blank.

*

"He's not gay, Josh." Lance flopped down on the red couch.

JC leaned over and touched Lance's knee. "I know, I know. But how do you think it makes me feel that he gets to spend all this time with you and kiss you and be with you and I can't and the whole time your life is in danger? How do you think that makes me feel?"

Justin counted one-one-thousand, two-one-thousand, and then Chris said, "Cut." Lance stood up and saw Justin, actually smiled. They were really connecting. Justin smiled back. Justin looked over at Chris and Chris, the big idiot, winked at him. Justin winked back and then turned to Lance. "Hey, you. Nice scene."

"Thanks." Lance was walking back to their dressing room and Justin followed him. They'd kissed on screen, they had scene after scene together these days. It was really nice. Lance was really professional, funny and he worked hard. Also, Justin thought, walking behind him, nice ass. They were connecting and talking.

Justin leaned into the door as Lance sat down. "Hey, I was thinking, you want to go out tonight?"

Lance looked up, face blank again. Justin was convinced he was making mistakes left and right and he just didn't know how to fix them. He just wanted to treat Lance right, wanted Lance to like him. Most of the time, he was sure Lance did like him, was attracted to him. And now there was this and Justin had moved too fast. Justin sighed. "Or not, we don't have to, I just thought it might be fun."

"No, we totally should. You mean, like just to a club or something, right?"

"Right." Justin nodded. Lance was grinning now, so maybe Justin had done something right this time. So this was good. This would maybe even be the night. Lance had said yes, Lance really liked him. Lance could tell Justin was a good guy.

They went to three clubs Lance liked, lots of dancing and bright lights, remixes and drinking. Lance kept sitting down with his drink and Justin kept dragging him out to dance. At the third club, Lance sat down after five minutes and Justin sat right next to him. "Don't you want to dance?" Lance leaned over and shouted.

"No, I want to hang out with you. That was pretty much the point of this."

Lance leaned over and licked right underneath Justin's ear. He said, "You're so fucking psycho." He hugged Justin and said, "Let's go home. You choose."

"Choose?"

"Which home!"

Justin nodded. "Okay, yours. Let's go to yours." Lance was smiling, giddy, drunk and he grabbed Justin's hand as he got up, held on the whole way outside and in the cab home.

Lance's apartment was neat but kind of stuffed with things and furniture. Then again, Justin had gotten used to not having furniture or stuff after Britney took half of his. He liked the blankness now. He didn't say that to Lance.

Lance pulled him down on the couch, kissing him and pulling at his shirt. Justin stood up and pulled Lance up with him. "Dude, bed. I'm not doing this for the first time on the damn couch."

Lance bounced a little and kissed Justin's nose. "Fine. Bed it is." Justin grinned. Lance wanted it to be special, too.

It was almost as good as Justin had hoped, not quite exactly, of course. He knew they'd do it again, so it was okay. Lance was so warm to sleep next to. Clingy, too, but Justin chalked that up to the drinking. But next time it would be even better.

Justin woke up first and he petted Lance's hair, kissed his cheek. Lance didn't look younger when he slept, he just looked more innocent. It was a good look on Lance. Justin kissed him again and got out of bed. He was in the kitchen, looking in cabinets when he heard Lance coming out of the bedroom. Lance said, "Are you heading out?"

"No. I mean, yes, eventually, but I thought I'd make you breakfast."

"Why?"

"Breakfast," Justin said. "It's what people eat in the morning. I wanted to make it for you. And then I'll know what you like and I can make it lots." Justin grinned. "A lot. I'll make it for you a lot."

"We're not, okay, you think we're doing this again, huh?"

Justin pressed his lips together and looked down. Maybe he'd been wrong again. "Right. See, that was, this is our first date and then we have more and more until we don't even call 'em dates practically, because mostly it's just us. It's a good thing. I mean, at least, that was nice enough. You want to do it again?"

"Sure." Lance was standing next to Justin now, cracking his neck. "I do want to do it again. We're not dating, though."

"Not yet." Justin looked up and grinned. "What do you want and choose something you actually have here, okay?" Lance wanted pancakes and Justin made too many. It was still sort of homey.

Justin showered and got dressed. He kissed Lance at the door and said, "See you at work." Lance nodded and smiled.

They didn't really talk at work, they had three scenes to film back to back and it was six hours before they were back in the dressing room and actually able to say anything. Justin said, "When do you want to go out again?"

Lance stood by his table and tapped his fingers on the counter. "Well. It's just, what did you mean by more and more until we don't even call 'em dates? I mean, Justin, I don't want anything like that."

Justin sat down. "That's what I want. I don't, I don't see the point of dating someone if you can't picture a long, long time. Why waste time?"

"Well, you know, it's fun. Aren't you pretty young for a long, long time kind of relationships?" Lance crossed his arms.

"I don't care. I don't want that. I mean, right? You get that."

"I get it, Justin, god, it's clear. I just, it's not what I want." Lance frowned.

"Okay." Justin looked down. "That's what I want. I want, you know, at least, potential. If you don't, if you don't see that with us, then, um, you know, just say so."

Lance laughed. "You don't mean that. You'll still be all flirty. You won't give up that easy."

Justin looked up. "I would if you said so. I'm not insane."

Lance blinked and narrowed his eyes. "Okay, well, then, stop. I don't think we have long, long time potential. I just don't."

Justin clenched his hands and let go. Weak and useless. He'd been completely wrong. Read all the signs wrong. He said, "Really?"

Lance said, "Yeah. So, sorry." Lance pushed off the table and left the dressing room.

*

Justin was miserable for two weeks. He managed to avoid Lance even with sharing a dressing room, and he only had to see him for their scenes together. It worked out because Justin's new love interest had been introduced and he had more scenes with her. The actress was named Alyssa and Justin liked her okay. He put on his casual face and ate lunch with Joey and Marshall more.

Marshall said, "That chick Alyssa? I'd go for her. How old is she?"

Justin snorted. "She says twenty four, she's thirty I bet."

"You think?" Marshall downed his entire carton of milk. Justin liked him okay, he'd gotten his contract recently, been upgraded from petty thug to big crime overlord. Slim Shady, the scourge of San Orlando. Marshall was a mostly quiet guy who brought his daughter to the studio all the time.

Joey said, "Justin's amazing at getting ages right. He was the only one to get Madonna's right."

Justin shrugged. "We had this bet thing going on because Chris figured out how to get her social security records or something. Nobody can lie to the government, man."

"How old is she?"

"She said when she started in 1972 that she was 18, now she says she's 42." Justin laughed. "Seriously, man. Show been on thirty years and she was twelve back then. She's fifty. Born in 1952."

Marshall laughed and covered his mouth. "Fuck, man, seriously? That's kind of scary."

Lance walked by with a tray and waved to Joey. Marshall said, "Man, that guy."

"Lance? Don't say shit about Lance, man." Justin leaned back and glared.

"I wasn't, fine. He's not just not, you know, he's a pretty cold fish. A cold Bass." Marshall grinned. "I know, I know, he's y'all's friend, but he's kinda stand-offish."

Joey made a face. "He's friendly. He's just a little snarky sometimes."

Justin kept his eyes on his tray and didn't think about it. He stood up and said, "I'll catch y'all later." He made a big fake smile face so Marshall didn't think he was pissed or something and walked to Chris's office. Chris was outside in the corridor, sitting on a bench.

"Hey, you." Chris waved Justin to sit next to him. "You're down, down."

"Well, you know, dumped." Justin rubbed his eyes and pulled his legs up, buried his head in his knees.

"You only went out once." Chris said it kindly. He rubbed Justin's back.

"So? I thought, god. It doesn't matter. He's just all closed off and it's fine. You know, someday, maybe."

"You should move on."

"Yeah. Not right now, though. Now, I'm just miserable." Justin sighed. He heard someone walk by but he refused to look up. Chris just said "hey" to whomever it was, and then they walked on.

*

Three weeks since Lance blew him off and Justin thought he'd probably go back to not avoiding Lance next week. It was all okay. He just needed to make a new plan, one without Lance. But the prospect still made him miserable.

He walked into their dressing room and sat on his chair. He'd just started to take off his shoes when Joey and Lance walked in. Joey looked at Justin and grinned. "Okay, I'm taking off. I have a looooooooooove scene to film, I need to get my chest hair trimmed."

Justin started to stand up but Lance said, "Hey, can you stay for a second?"

Joey waved as he closed the door.

Lance was looking at his nails and Justin thought he might actually be nervous. Justin said, "You're not filming today."

"Oh, yeah, I'm not. I came in to, um, actually to talk to you. You've been avoiding me."

"Well, you didn't want to go out with me. I, you said stop. So, I did."

"I just, you know, I was surprised. That you just stopped like that. Justin, you could have anyone, why would --"

Justin sighed. "God, you and Chris. I don't get this shit. Look, I can't have anyone I want. And even if I could, how come y'all think you get to decide who that anyone is? I can't have anyone I want and I do want you, as surprising as that might be."

Lance looked down. "Right. Okay. I just, you know, I didn't think you'd stop. I thought, I thought you were all about the chase. So, um, I thought you'd stop but I didn't think you'd be upset."

Justin stared at Lance and Lance didn't meet his eyes. Justin said, "I hate the chase. The chase is boring. Lance, I moved in with my first girlfriend as soon as she was old enough to get her own place and we were together for two more years after that. I like commitment and long times. Chasing is, like, kinda tortuous."

Lance nodded. "I get that now. But, um." Lance sighed. He finally looked up and smiled. "I was thinking, actually, if you still wanted to go out again?"

"With you?" Justin stood up.

"Yeah."

"I don't wanna go out with you just once. I mean, I really like you. I like that you're nice and hot and I like --" Lance was right in front of him and then Lance kissed him.

"You know, honestly, I have a really long list of things I like about you, too, Justin. But, um, I think you have to be in wardrobe in an hour. Maybe we could make out and do the list thing tonight? Second date?" Lance kissed Justin's cheek and held his waist.

"Second of many, right?" Justin covered Lance's hand with his own.

"Until we don't even call 'em dates. I think, really, it's a good idea. We should try for that."

Justin thought he would probably split in two, he was really more happy than he'd imagined. Best laid plans, he thought, while Lance kissed him and Justin kissed back. Best laid plans and they all work out just right.

THE END

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