NOTES AND DISCLAIMERS: All made up, fictional, for entertainment only. Thanks to C(s)P for a number of real-life inspirations. Thanks to k8. For the Definitive Wonder challenge.

CLIFTON STREET

Magazines smell. Lance knows that now, he doesn't even notice, but sometimes he's just sitting by the computer, checking on Ebay, looking for the latest hot sellers and the smell just comes at him. Like right now. Musty, maybe, a paper smell for sure.

He stands up and stretches. Looks around the store, checks on the book side and they're empty. About the norm for mid-day on a weekday. Lance calls out, "Jayce! I'm going to lunch. Wanna come?"

JC peeks out the door to his office. "Where you going?"

"Bread And Saucer. We can close for a half hour, come with."

JC blinks and retreats into the office. "Naw, you go. I'll go later."

Lance shrugs and slaps the counter as he leaves so JC knows he's gone.

He looks once, and dashes across the street. Bread and Saucer is a little busy, but he doesn't have to wait for a seat. "Just you, honey?" Britney smiles.

"Yup. JC bailed on me." She sits him by the window. "Can I order now?"

"No, you can not, darlin'. You get the new waiter. Be kind." Brit tugs her glasses down a little and winks. "You want to order from him, trust me."

She walks away and wiggles her hips at him a little. Lance grins and then starts playing with the salt and pepper shakers. He's hungry; he just wants those potato things and some scones. He wonders if the new waiter will let him buy some to go, like Brit does.

Lance can see the whole restaurant from where he's sitting, and if he turns around, he's got a great view of Clifton Street, his favorite street in the whole city. Lance loves all the people in pants and scarves, carrying cups of coffee, boys with their arms around boys, couples walking dogs, parents pushing their children in strollers. He sees his friend Joey walk by with his little girl and waves, but Joey doesn't see him.

When Lance turns back around, he sees a beautiful boy with curly hair covered by a green bandanna standing by the front counter. He's wearing baggy black corduroys that are slung sort of low on his hips, and a tight ringer t-shirt. When he turns around, Lance notices the design on the front of the shirt is Starsky and Hutch. The boy has some sort of tattoo on his arm that's peeking out from underneath the sleeve of his shirt. Lance thinks, please let him be the new waiter.

And something in his head starts crooning, "dreams come true" as the Cutest Boy in the World walks over and pulls out a pad of paper. "Hey," Cute Boy says, "I'm Justin, I'll be your waiter." He grins, pretty straight white teeth and Lance is in love. He is not getting this order to go.

"Oh, good. Um," Lance looks down at the menu. He never looks at the menu anymore. "I'll take the omelet. With cheese? And a Coke."

"Okay, scone or toast?"

"Scone. I love the scones here." Lance grins and feels like an idiot.

"Oh, yeah, they're great." Justin writes quickly and says, "Do you want anything else?"

"Nope, nope." Lance keeps smiling. He smiles wider as Justin walks away and Lance gets to look at his non-existent ass and pretty, pretty back.

Justin disappears into the kitchen area. Lance can hear him laughing with Brit and Christina so Lance smirks to himself and starts playing with the butter. He likes to soften it up before the scones come. He taps the butter against the table and flicks it from hand to hand.

As always, there's weird art hanging on the walls, all for sale. Lance wonders if anyone ever buys these things. Last week it was swirls and spears and even JC thought it was overly obvious and a little creepy. This week it's collage type things. Black and white with occasional stabs of purple, painted over old magazine pages that are cut into different shapes. Lance even recognizes the typeface of the magazines from work, he can see some Life pages, some Time, some Sports Illustrated. They're interesting at least.

Lance stands up to see the price on the one by his table. He stares and sits down quickly. JC Chasez. His boss JC, his friend JC had painted all these and put them up in Bread and Saucer and didn't tell Lance. Lance is still trying to absorb that when Justin comes back with his food. Lance isn't completely numb; he notices the almost flirty way Justin was carrying the plate, bouncing it a little with a small flick of his wrist.

"Thanks," Lance says.

Justin says, "Looking at the art?"

Lance grins at him. "You caught me."

"Sorry, man. This week's batch is kinda bad."

"I like it. I think it's neat, actually."

Justin blinks. "Oh."

"I was even thinking of buying one."

"'Kay." Justin steps back. "'Kay. Different strokes for different folks."

"You're not saying this stuff to everyone you serve, are you?"

Justin places a straw on the table next to Lance's Coke. "You brought it up, man."

"Just, what if you said it to the guy, to the one who did all these?" Lance picks up his fork and starts poking at his omelet. It looks really good. Lance needs to shut up so he takes his first bite. It is good, like always.

Justin wrinkles his forehead a little and shrugs. "Didn't mean to offend you, man. Enjoy your breakfast."

Justin walks away again and Lance feels like a jerk. He sprinkles salt all over his eggs and takes another big bite.

*

Lance works two jobs. He works at Annuals Arcadia four days a week and four days a week he cleans houses with Joey. Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday at Annuals, and Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, he cleans. It's not a bad gig, the cleaning, because Joey doesn't mind scrubbing toilets. Lance hates scrubbing toilets.

Today's Monday, a cleaning day, and he meets Joey at 7 am in Kidd's Annex, the weird little section of town where Joey lives. He brings most of the supplies himself because Joey's Toyota is always full of baby things.

Lance honks after he parks in front of the house and Joey ambles down to the car with his daughter on his hip. "Morning, bro."

Briahna smiles big and Lance grabs her hand and kisses it. She's two and cute as a button. "How's my favorite girl? How is she?"

They're cleaning a house out in the southwest part of town, a nice one. Lance comes downstairs from the bedroom and finds Briahna in her playpen in the kitchen. She's standing up, waving. Lance picks her up and turns, sees Joey through the open door to the bathroom. Lance says, "Did I tell you about the cute waiter I totally screwed up meeting?"

Joey grins. "You didn't screw him?"

"I wish." Lance covers Briahna's ears. "So he's the new waiter at Bread and Saucer, and I'm making a great impression, I think, and then I see that art on the wall? All JC's. And the waiter starts slagging on it, and I get all pissy. So, he thinks I'm an ass."

"JC does painting?"

Lance uncovers Briahna's ears and puts her back in her playpen. She whines a little but then she sees Joey and sits down with her toys. Lance says, "Yeah, apparently. I had no idea."

"Well, go back to the restaurant and you know, charm him."

Lance picks up a sponge. "Yeah, and bitch out JC, I tell you what."

Joey shrugs and bends back over the toilet.

*

So this is life and it's work, a lot of work. There's extra left over every month after rent and utilities, mostly because Lance has a small room in a house with four other guys he never sees. He'd like more space, but he wants the extra because the extra goes in his savings account. And someday he'll have enough to start his own business. And not something like Joey's where Joey works six days a week, but then Lance isn't on planning on being a single dad who has to make ends meet quick.

It's not like Lance doesn't have fun. He goes out, he does things. And now he's back at Annuals Arcadia and he decides to go to Bread and Saucer again.

He sits at the same table as he did earlier in the week. He thinks of it as his table and he tells that to Brit, who winks at him and says, "I do, too, sugar."

"Is Justin here?" Lance asks.

She bites her pencil and leaves a rim of dark lipstick around it. "He's around."

Lance looks at the paintings on the walls. He inclines his head toward one of them. "If I wanted to take one of those home, who would I talk to about it?"

"Honey, you can't afford these."

Lance shrugs. "I might be able to."

"You're just talkin' this way because JC made those." Brit runs two fingers down his face. "You're sweet. Now look alive, kiddo. Here comes Justin."

Justin smirks, no teeth visible and Lance hopes he doesn't look too much like a puppy. And he hopes he's not drooling. Another tight ringer t-shirt, black bandanna this time, and jeans that are only staying on because Justin's wearing this wide black studded belt. Lance has had wet dreams that were less hot. Justin says, "Hey. What you want?"

Justin, naked in his bed, except maybe with the belt, but the belt would be lightly wrapped around Justin's wrists and the headboard of a much better bed than Lance has. Lance says, "Oh, the same as last time." Then he looks down and hopes Justin doesn't remember last time.

Justin does. He nods and says, "Omelet, cheese, scone, Coke?"

"Yeah. I'm glad, that's cool you remember."

"People don't bitch me out every day." Justin's still smirking.

"Well, see. Okay, the artist? My boss at Annuals Arcadia, across the street. So, um, he's a friend. Usually I do hate the art that's up here. But, you know, my boss." Lance is playing with his butter again and he almost mashes it flat with his hand.

"Oh," Justin says. He taps the notepad against his hip. Lance tries not to stare. Justin smiles this time, sweet and a slice of white teeth. Lance really wants to lick every one of those teeth, maybe get bitten by them someplace nice. Justin says, "Okay, then I get you. That's good, man, you gotta stand by your friends."

"He's, you know, I'm not in love with him." Lance says that and it's like that episode of My So-Called Life, he can hear it echoing in his head and it sounds dumber and dumber as he keeps hearing it. So he says, "Uh, he's, um, you know, he's a nice guy."

Justin wrinkles his eyebrows a little. "Gonna get you that stuff." He walks away and Lance wishes the floor would swallow him whole.

Justin brings him the food, Lance eats it quickly. A big lunch rush starts right after Lance gets his food, so he doesn't get to talk to Justin at all. Probably for the best. Lance leaves another big tip and thinks he should find another restaurant for lunch. He's outside on the street lighting a cigarette when Brit comes running out and grabs his arm. "Lance, baby, did you see this?"

She shoves a flyer in his hands, yet another band playing yet another small club downtown. He doesn't recognize the name at all. "Um, Brit, should I have seen this?"

"I think you should and I think you should good." She points at the third band on the bill, All New Plastic. "They're really good, so you get there early, okay?"

Lance shoves it in his pocket and Brit runs back into the restaurant. Lance runs across the street and finds JC in the back room of the store. "JC, we need to talk."

JC looks up, concerned. He has an ink smudge on his chin, like always. Twenty minutes at work and three magazines handled and Lance has black fingers just like JC does right now. JC says, "What's wrong?"

"Why didn't you tell me about your artwork being up in Bread and Saucer?"

"Oh." JC rubs his forehead and leaves tiny black smudges. "You saw it?"

"I go there a couple of times a week, JC. You know that. Did you really think I wouldn't notice?"

"It's personal, you know, artwork."

Lance shrugs. "It's hanging in a restaurant."

"Are you mad?" JC looks worried.

Lance grins. "No, JC, I'm not mad. Actually, I was asking because I'd like to see more of it."

JC laughs. "Maybe I'll let you."

Lance starts straightening a stack of magazines. "Are you doing anything tonight?"

"I was going to work on some stuff around here. Why?"

"There's a band playing, I was gonna go hear them. Do you want to come?"

JC cocks his head to one side and says, "Well. Okay, I will."

Lance laughs. "Wash your face first."

The show is downtown at Berbati's Dish. JC picks him up. Lance agonizes over what to wear but when he gets outside and sees JC, he realizes it was all for naught. JC is wearing impossibly tight striped pants and a fluffy purple shirt. Lance would need to stand in another part of the state to be noticed next to that. JC grins and says, "You look nice."

Lance pats his fake leather pants. "You look, uh, special."

"I don't go out too often, I want to look special when I do. So, good!" JC shifts into reverse and they drive to the place. JC parks in a lot next to the club and then they spend five minutes trying to figure out how to pay at the center in the lot. JC says, "God, I don't want to get a ticket but this makes no sense, man!"

Lance says, "You know what? Fuck it. I bet we don't get a ticket. Maybe it's free at night."

"Downtown on a Friday night and it's free? I bet not." JC frowns. "If we have a ticket when we get out, you're paying for it."

"Cheap bastard." Lance nudges JC and they go to the club. It's hardly crowded, even for a Friday night so Lance walks straight to the bar and orders a stiff drink. The more the better, he thinks. The band is setting up on the stage, lots of equipment. Lance sighs.

He looks around and sips his drink. JC's leaning up against the bar, probably instructing the bartender on exactly how to make his drink. There are a handful of people, but the only one Lance recognizes is that guy who works at Pavel's, the bookstore that's down the street from Bread and Saucer. Lance keeps staring at the guy, but he can't remember his name.

Brit saunters over with a drink in her hand. "You came!"

Lance hugs her. "When did you get here? I didn't see you."

"Oh, I was helping the band carry in their stuff." She giggles. "But I got a free drink for my trouble."

"Is All New Plastic playing first?" Lance asks, still staring at the bookstore guy.

"Third, actually." Brit sniffs at Lance's drink and makes a face. "You're gonna have to sit through some bad to get to the good, sorry."

Brit's not kidding. The first two bands are not good. One is two earnest women -- Lance is sure they're both lesbians, since this is Portland, and they may even spell it womyn. They're okay, but they'll be better two months from now. The second band is some awful noise thing that ends with one guy banging on an accordion and shouting "Gulf war vets deserve respect" over and over again. Lance retreats to the back with JC and sips his third drink. When the accordion people are off the stage, JC says, "Who's that guy?"

"Someone who thinks gulf war vets deserve respect, I guess."

JC giggles into his drink. "No, no, I mean that guy over there. Doesn't he work on our street?"

Lance looks over at the guy from Pavel's. He's staring at JC, but that's hardly surprising. Lance says, "Yeah, he works on our street. Maybe we share a pimp."

"Hey, man, no need to be all bitter. I thought you wanted to come out."

"I did. But the bands have sucked so far." The guy starts walking over. "Okay, here he comes. He works at Pavel's."

"Oh, Pavel's! He's that guy." JC stands up and calls to the guy. "Pavel's guy, come over here!"

The guy looks kind of annoyed. He's wearing a fuzzy, multi-colored hat with two strings hanging down the sides. There are little balls at the end of the strings that bounce when he walks over to where JC is standing. "Magazine guy."

JC grins a little. "What's up?"

"My friend's band is playing in a second."

He puts his hand on Brit's hip and she leans her head back. "Hey, Chris."

"Fancy meeting you here, darlin'."

"You know I've been to every one of Justin's shows." Chris takes a drink. "Trace and I are the only one's who've been to all of them. I thought about locking him in a closet tonight so he wouldn't be able to make it. Then I'd win."

Lance downs the rest of his drink in one gulp. "Justin? As in, Justin from Bread and Saucer?"

"The one and only." Brit winks. "He's the lead singer." She points to the stage. "Look, they're about to start."

Brit comes over and tells Lance that next to Justin is Pharrell and the other one's Chad and the drummer is Nick Carter. "Nick Carter, because Nick Chastain is Justin's friend and so they always call him 'Nick Carter.'" All New Plastic is the best band that night, which isn't hard. The sound is sort of soul, sort of hip-hop, a touch of pop and it's actually interesting. As much as Lance really hears. Mostly he watches Justin, watches him sing and move. He's even hotter than the last two times, sweaty and shining and grinning.

Lance claps and hoots after every song. When the show's over, he thinks maybe Justin winks at him, but he could be winking at Brit. Lance looks around and sees JC and Chris standing next to each other, talking. JC is looking down and playing with his shirt. Lance says to Britney, "Look, JC's flirting."

Brit giggles. "Is that him flirting? I thought he was more vogueing or something. Shit, I'm drunk, I was gonna say something funny."

Lance laughs anyway. "That's flirting. See, he's looking down, playing with his shirt. Next he'll play with his hair." JC does just that. Britney covers her mouth when she laughs.

"He needs to cut his hair. It's too long."

"Isn't it?" Lance smirks. "So, um, Justin? Is in a band?"

"You just saw, silly. So, go over there," she spins him around and points him toward the bar, "and talk to him."

"Does he like me?"

Brit pushes him. "God, yes, stupid gay boys, go. Ask him out, take him home, just do. Man, how do you guys ever get anything accomplished without me?"

Lance walks slowly to the bar. Really, he gets dates all the time without Britney's help. She's hardly his matchmaker or anything. And all she's really done is make sure he sits at the right table and come to a damn show. She gets no credit from him.

Justin's talking to Pharrell but he turns around and sees Lance walking up to him. He smiles and Lance thinks, hope springs eternal.

"Omelet, Cheese, Scone!" Justin says it like it's Lance's name. "I didn't know you were gonna be here."

"I didn't know you were in a band."

Justin grins. "Is that why you came? Because I was gonna be here?"

Lance thinks, arrogant fuck. "I came because Brit said I'd like the music."

Justin rests his elbows on the bar, grins wider, which Lance hadn't thought was possible. "Did you?"

"Sure." Lance decides to play it kind of cool. "I thought the song about the vets was inspiring."

Pharrell chokes back a laugh. Justin looks kind of irritated, then narrows his eyes a little at Lance. "Do you have a cigarette?"

"Sure." Lance pats his jacket pocket. "But they don't let you smoke in here."

Justin takes a drink and puts his glass back on the bar. "Guess we'll have to go outside, then."

They stand by the door and Justin says, "You know what? We could'a smoked inside. It's a bar, dawg."

Lance shrugs. "Yeah."

Justin steps closer, whispers in Lance's ear, "Is this your cute way of hitting on me?"

"Is it cute?" Lance reaches out, hooks Justin's belt with his finger. "Cause, you know, it's not that complicated or anything. It's just, hey, outside and you know --" Justin kisses him. They're kissing in front of the club, and Justin tastes like his cigarette and it's okay with Lance.

Justin says, "Okay, you talk a lot. Brit says you're nice, I can see you're fine," and this part Justin punctuates with a squeeze of Lance's ass, "and you know, chemistry."

"Chemistry?" Lance remembers some stupid parody song he heard when he was a kid, and in his head, he's singing, "chemistry is a class I failed to pass in high school."

Justin says, "Chemistry. We have chemistry. Brit said you were smart, man." Justin pulls Lance even closer, and Lance thinks they're going to get arrested for this.

"I am, I mean, I think. I'm just, you know, distracted." Lance kisses Justin again. "Do you have a car?"

"I have a car. I gotta, um. You're not gonna ask me out or anything? You're just, you have a car?"

"I don't have a car tonight. I came with JC. So, um." They kiss again, and they kiss for a while. Lance lights a second cigarette but he doesn't smoke it. It burns to the filter and he flicks it on to the ground. In between the kissing. Justin's even hotter close up, this close up.

Then JC whaps Lance on the arm. "Um, Lance? I'm ready to go." Chris is standing behind him.

Justin doesn't move his hand from the back of Lance's pants. "Hey, you must be JC. Can I get a ride with y'all?"

"Well," JC says, "I'm giving Chris a ride, too. My car fits four, but it'll be kind of tight. There's these magazines from an estate sale I was at in the backseat. But if you're okay with that, it's fine. Where do you live?"

Justin steps away and Lance is suddenly cold, then Justin grabs his hand. "Oh, just drop me off at Lance's."

JC laughs. "Fine, fine."

Lance says, "Where does Chris live, JC?"

JC starts walking to the car and doesn't answer. Chris winks at Lance and walks behind JC. JC's pants almost glow in the dark, the white stripes. Justin says, "Those are nice pants." He giggles a little.

Chris sits up front because "I'm short, that way you guys will get some leg room." Justin has to sit right up next to Lance because of the boxes in the back seat. Lance doesn't complain.

They kiss again and then Justin says, "Look, isn't it pretty?" They're going over the Clifton Bridge and the skyline from downtown is twinkling and gorgeous, lights reflected on the river.

"It is pretty," Lance says, looking at Justin.

"I just moved here, like, two months ago? From Memphis. I was thinking about going to UP, but, the band came together and it seemed like, give that a try first." Justin is still looking at the view.

"Y'all just got together?"

Justin nods and sits back. They're on the east side again, nothing to see now. "It's a stupid band name, but uh, we might change it."

Lance nods. "I moved here, um, five years ago. I was going to Reed for two, three years, but then my scholarship ran out and I couldn't afford the last year."

Justin licks his lips. "I bet you came from, uh, Mississippi?"

"Yes. How could you, the accent?"

"The accent. I used to work at Graceland, it was fun trying to figure out where people were from their accents." Justin points toward the front seat with his shoulder. He presses his lips together like he wants to giggle.

Lance looks and JC has reached across the seat, put his hand on Chris's thigh. Lance says loudly, "Hey, JC, wasn't my turn back there?"

JC says, "Shit. Yeah, wait a sec." JC makes an illegal U-Turn on an empty street and then they're stopped in front of Lance's house. "Here you go. See you tomorrow, right?"

Lance says yes and thank you. He and Justin are holding hands again. "I just have a room."

Justin rolls his eyes and leans over, kissing Lance again. "I have a studio apartment the size of a napkin. I won't complain."

He doesn't. Justin pushes Lance on the bed right after they walk in the door and they're right at the good part pretty quickly. Justin's tattoo is a cross and he has six different tattoos that Lance never saw. He's good in bed and he doesn't get pissy when Lance pulls out a condom. When they're done and exhausted, Justin says, "Can I stay?"

"God, yes. Where do you live?"

Justin pulls up the blanket over them. "Find out tomorrow. I'm waiting until close, come by then."

And that's how it is, Lance eats at Bread and Saucer every day that he works on Clifton and fucks every night. They mostly stay at Lance's because his place is bigger. Justin says he likes it because it's close to Trader Joe's. Lance likes it because Justin's there. It's like that for months.

Winter rolls around and it's fucking bitingly cold with the wind kicking up around every corner. Justin helps Lance load his car up with cleaning supplies before he runs to catch the bus to get to work. Two months since they started sleeping together and Lance still hums when he walks into the house.

Joey's got Briahna in her playpen and he drags it around the corner when he steps into the kitchen. "She goes nuts if she can't see me, man."

Lance rolls his eyes. "I know, Joe, I'm here with you every day." He pulls on some rubber gloves and starts cleaning the sink. He's still happy.

"So when do I get to meet this boyfriend of yours?"

Briahna says Lance's name over and over and Lance waves at her. "It's nothing serious, man, we're just having a good time. He's got another show tomorrow night, though, you should come."

Joey pulls the oven open. "I guess I could ask my folks to watch Bri."

"It'd do you good to get out. And hey, maybe you'll meet somebody."

Joey grins ruefully. "I've only got room for one woman in my life right now, Bass."

Briahna's two and Joey's raised her by himself for the past year. Joey and Kelly broke up while she was still pregnant and she met somebody new. Greg or something, Lance can never remember his name, but he's in the Air Force and now Kelly's in Europe with Greg or something and Joey's in Portland with a little girl.

Joey finishes the oven and picks up Briahna. "Okay, I'm going to take her to the park down the street for an hour. You get your lunch, outside, and finish your part." Lance nods and turns back to scrubbing the sink.

It's been a few minutes, maybe ten, when Lance hears the door open again. "Joey?"

"Nope." Lance turns around and it's Justin. Pretty Justin. Justin's wrapped in a thick wool coat and a scarf from Buffalo Exchange that he bought with Lance and mittens Justin splurged on from the Gap. Justin taking off all his winter gear and piling it carefully on Lance's bag. "Thought I'd stop by to say hi."

Lance says, "Well, don't make a habit of it. Lucky for you, the Bucks don't videotape us."

"People videotape you?" Justin walks behind Lance and holds his waist.

"Lots of them. They get those spy cams so they can make sure we're not, I don't know, stealing or cooking up meth while they're away." Lance takes off his gloves and turns around. "These people are nice. No spy cams."

Justin whispers, "How do you know for sure?"

"They're friends of Joey's. They trust us."

Justin says, "Where's Joey?"

"Briahna and the park."

Justin says, "Let's fuck. I have an hour." He grins. It's like that, so easy and nice with Justin. Just easy and happy. They end up in the room with the washer and dryer because Lance finished making the beds. Lance sits naked on the dryer and Justin is on top of him, so warm and pretty. Lance gets everything cleaned up and Justin hustled out before Joey gets back. It's a really happy day.

The next day is another day of cleaning and then Lance meets up with JC. They go to the show in one car again because it's easier than looking for two parking spaces. They pick Chris up on the way. Lance doesn't really spend a lot of time with JC outside of work, which means he's also never spent a lot of time with Chris. They only see each other when there's a show or when Chris stops by Annuals Arcadia, but Lance thinks it's cute that JC finally has a boyfriend. Brit told Lance that Chris even bought a couple of JC's paintings from Bread and Saucer.

Tonight's show is at some coffeehouse. There are a lot of tables and some couches. They get there early and Chris and JC stand up at the counter for drinks while Lance grabs them a couch. He looks around for Joey but he's not there. There's one girl with blonde and black hair, sitting on one of the couches with a taller girl who has a tattoo on her forearm. Lance is pretty sure they're lesbians.

He hears a voice beside him say, "Hey," and looks up, expecting to see Justin. But it's not; it's the manager of one of the two antique stores on Clifton. Lance can't remember which one, but he remembers the guy's name.

"Hi, AJ." Lance smiles.

"You here for the show?" he asks.

Lance nods. "Yeah, my boyfriend's in the group."

AJ plays with his sunglasses. "Oh, you're dating Justin, that's right. Nick said something about that, I think."

Justin comes in late when Lance is on his third glass of wine and after the opening act has already finished. Lance thinks it might have been the Gulf War vets band except this time they don't have an accordion, just three kazoos, a drum set and a toy piano. The last song did end with a drone of kazoos and the lead singer guy chanting "agent orange is really bad for children." Justin taps Lance on the shoulder as he rushes by and goes straight to the stage.

Lance says to AJ, "And there's my guy."

AJ is on his fifth glass of wine and he's melting into the couch. The maybe lesbians have moved to the back of the coffeehouse by now, and Lance and AJ have the couch to themselves. AJ shimmies closer and rubs Lance's thigh. "He's hot."

"He's so hot." Lance grins and gets another glass of wine. By the time Justin's band, now known as All New Silicon, starts performing, Lance is fairly sure he's toasted. He needs to get a ride with someone or walk home because JC and Chris left with their hands all over each other about a glass and a half ago. Trace didn't show so Chris must have decided that meant he won. Either that or he really wanted to get laid.

Lance's head is sort of lolling on his shoulders and he turns it to look at AJ. "Do you have a car?"

AJ nods. "Need a ride?"

Lance says, "Yeah," and starts to stand up. "Oh, but Justin's not finished."

"They're doing two sets," AJ says, standing and grabbing Lance's hand. "I'll take you home after. I just want a smoke."

Lance follows AJ outside in the middle of Justin's ten minute song about a road trip he took with someone across Georgia. The night air is crisp and when it hits Lance's face, he realizes he's even drunker than he thought he was.

Lance watches AJ light his cigarette, his face lit up with the flare of the lighter. No moon or stars because it's overcast, it's Portland after all, and true to that, a light rain starts a few seconds after AJ takes his first puff. Lance lights his own anyway, it's not enough rain to even really feel. AJ says, "Portland rain, man."

"It's nice," Lance says.

AJ says, "It is. Rain, unemployment, lots of guys who might or might not be gay, kazoo music, Portland has it all."

"Hey, I like those things. Not the unemployment, but you know. I don't know, places like New York or San Francisco, it seems like there's a uniform, you know, a way to be gay. I like the, um, ambiguity. It's like a kind of freedom."

AJ grins. A pirate's grin, Lance thinks, but then again, he's drunk. AJ says, "And at least if you stick to Clifton Street, guys don't get all mental if you're flirting. I dunno about Hillsboro or anyplace in Eastern Oregon."

"Eastern Oregon is fucking scary, man." Lance shakes his head. "It's like, white power central, you know, all rural and stuff. I mean, that's what I hear. I stick to Portland and Eugene, frankly. Even Salem is a little too straight for me."

"Eugene's just fucking hippies and football, man." AJ lists forward and says, "Justin's got himself a hottie, if you don't mind me saying so."

Lance looks down and takes another drag off his cigarette. "Don't mind at all."

AJ leans in again and kisses Lance. On the mouth. It's a little tickle from AJ's elaborate facial hair. Lance reaches out and pulls AJ closer for something longer. Flirting and dangerous and fun. Flirting. They break apart when they hear the front door to the coffeehouse slam but no one's there.

AJ laughs. "Man, I'm too drunk to drive. You better get another ride."

Lance tosses his cigarette on the ground and extinguishes it, then picks it up and throws it in the big garbage can by the door. "I'm staying for Justin's other set. I can take the bus home."

AJ raises his eyebrows a little and purses his lips. "See you on Clifton," he says, grinning as he walks away.

Lance stands a little while longer in the rain because he likes the way it smells. When he goes inside, Pharrell and Chad are standing on the stage, messing with their equipment.

"Where's Justin?" Lance asks.

"Somewhere with Nick." Pharrell waves his hand in the air.

Lance nods. "Okay." He decides he's probably had enough to drink and buys a Coke from the guy at the counter. He sips it a little and then Nick brushes past him, face red. He looks upset. Lance wonders why.

When they take the stage again, Justin doesn't look at Lance at all. They only do two songs, one about biting somebody's lip and one about getting it on. Justin doesn't look at Lance at all during the show.

Everyone applauds when it's over. Everyone, Lance thinks, it's like ten people. The maybe lesbians are still there and they crowd around Chad when it's over. Totally lesbians, Lance thinks.

Lance lopes up onto the stage as usual and starts to help pack up equipment. Justin stands really close to him and hisses, "Put down my fucking tambourine."

Lance says, "Okay. What did you want me to pack?"

Justin steps even closer. "Don't touch any of my shit."

Lance puts the tambourine down and looks at Justin. "What's wrong with you?"

Justin takes a deep breath and looks like he's about to cry. "You kissed that fucking antiques store guy."

Lance says, "I, wait. It was just a kiss."

"Just a kiss?" Justin wraps cords around his arm fast and Lance steps back. "You're my fucking boyfriend, you don't, you don't fucking kiss people outside my show like it's, fuck. Fuck you."

Lance steps off the little stage. "It was just. Man, I'm sorry. Flirting, I didn't think. You saw it?"

"Oh, that's just priceless. You arrogant little prick. Flirting is not kissing. We kissed that first night, you know, were you just flirting with me? You do that a lot? Been doing it all along? Kissing and sometimes, hey, I have to wait in the morning, you take other people to houses or shit?" Justin slams down a case and pops it open. Nick comes along and purposefully nudges Justin off the stage. Nick starts putting things away and Justin just stands in front of Lance. Angry, really angry.

"I haven't. Not with anyone. Man, one kiss besides you in all this time, just one kiss. That's all. Swear."

"Fuck you. I'm your boyfriend, you know, that means something. I thought. You know, like, commitment at least, like not kissing other people." Justin turns around. "I'm heading out, Nick. You need me to --"

Nick says, "Nope, nope, you head out."

Justin doesn't turn around. "Fuck you, Bass." He marches out.

Nick shoots Lance a pointed look and Lance turns around. He looks outside and now it's really raining. He doesn't want to stand at the bus stop in the rain.

The lesbians are still standing with Chad, who has finished packing up his stuff. "You need a ride?" Chad asks.

"Um." Lance stuffs his hands in his pockets. "Do you mind?"

Chad smiles. "Get your coat." Lance follows Chad and his friends to their car and Lance thinks Chad must not know what happened or he wouldn't be so nice to Lance.

Lance gets home and tries to call Justin, but he doesn't answer the phone. Lance keeps replaying the kiss and thinking about Justin's face and he starts to feel like a monumental asshole.

The next day is Lance's day off and he gets to Bread and Saucer right when they open. He takes his usual table and waits, but he doesn't see Justin show up. Brit ends up serving him and when she comes over with his plate of food, she looks really pissed. Lance half-expects her to dump it in his lap, like that chick in Cocktail.

He sits there all day. Brit comes over when lunchtime starts and takes his order again. He just has coffee and scones. By afternoon it's raining hard and there's still not sign of Justin. Lance has his seat by the window and his one day off in a month. And no Justin. Brit leaves at five and gives him a sad look as she walks out.

At seven, Christina brings him his eighth cup of coffee and sits down across from him. He says, "Are you waitressing now?"

"God, no. I hate that shit, being all nice to people. I leave that to Brit-Brit." Christina pushes the coffee toward him. Lance takes a sip. Christina says, "He left for that tour thing today. Did he tell you about that?"

Lance shakes his head. "He mentioned it, um, a few days ago? But I didn't know it was today."

"Yeah, it came up all sudden, yesterday. That place in Eugene finally scheduled 'em and then they had that thing with Pharrell's friend in San Fran, so. They're gone for the week." Christina grabs Lance's cup and has a sip of the coffee. "You put in too much sugar."

"You're not pissed at me."

Christina rolls her eyes. "Yeah, whatever. That's Brit-Brit. I mean, he was way more into you than you were into him and now you both know." She stands up and walks away.

Lance stays until close anyway, like maybe Justin will come back anyway.

Lance shows up half an hour before Joey the next day and has the bathroom sparkling before Joey even walks in the door.

Joey says, "You don't like cleaning the toilets."

"Penance," Lance mutters.

"How'd the show go?" Joey fills Briahna's cup with juice and hands it to her. "Sorry I couldn't make it. My folks were busy and I couldn't get another sitter."

Lance says, "The show was fine. After the show was not so hot." He peels off his rubber gloves and tosses them into the sink. "Justin and I broke up."

Joey makes sympathetic noises but doesn't really say anything. Lance keeps cleaning.

After two weeks have passed, Lance debates with himself about going back to Bread and Saucer. Justin must be back by now. Lance stands in the doorway of JC's office and says, "The thing is, you know, maybe I am into him as much as he's into me."

JC says, "Maybe."

"And you know, Bread and Saucer is around here, it's cheap. Even if he hates me, I won't be run out of my favorite restaurant. That I can afford. I mean, I like Cup and Ink better, but, you know, pricey. Even the maitre d is really hot. Have you seen him? I think his name's Kevin." Lance picks at the peeling paint.

"I don't know any Kevin."

"So, should I go to Bread and Saucer or not, you think?"

JC looks up. His screen window is open to estate sales listings. He says, "Lance, uh, I'm working here. Go where you want to go, do what you want to do, okay?"

JC sucks. Lance runs across the street and stands outside Bread and Saucer, smoking, trying to casually look into the windows. Christina walks out and takes his cigarette. She smokes it to the butt and says, "Come in, you stupid fucker."

The place is sort of busy so Lance has to sit at a small table toward the back of the restaurant. It's not in Justin's area, but Lance thinks it might be better that way.

Lance's waitress is some new girl he's never seen before and she kind of messes up his order. It's kind of stupid, but Lance thinks his food tasted better when Justin was the one bringing it to him.

Justin's working and he has to walk past Lance a lot, getting forks and stuff for customers. He doesn't say hello to Lance, but Lance doesn't say anything to him, either. Lance finishes eating and pays for his food and goes back to work.

Lance is straightening up a stack of old TV Guides when the door opens and Justin walks in. He messes with his bandanna and says, "I'm looking for an old issue of Vibe. There was an article about homophobia in hip hop that I wanted to show Pharrell."

Lance thinks again, hope springs eternal. "I didn't think Pharrell was homophobic."

"He's -- he's not," Justin says. "I just thought he'd find it interesting."

Lance nods. "Okay. Um, our Vibes are all fucked up. Let me go with you." Lance slaps the counter so JC knows Lance is going to the back area.

Lance says, "How was the tour thing?" as they walk back.

"It wasn't a tour thing. It was a tour. We played, um, four shows in two different states and we even, you know, it paid for itself. The gas and stuff. No profit, but now more people know about us. Nick's talking about getting his geek roommate to set us up a website and we might put up an mp3."

Lance says, "Cool." He points at the Vibes.

"They're all fucked up."

"Yeah. Do you know what issue? Um, year, month?"

Justin nods. "Yeah, it's um, July or June, 2001."

Lance grabs a stack and starting sorting them into month and year. He doesn't see any from 2001 after the first ten. "We may not have it."

Justin shrugs. "It, you know, I just want to get it."

"Not, um, coming to see me?" Lance keeps his head down. One Vibe from 2000 so far, the rest earlier.

"Well, sort of. I mean, I was just thinking. You know. Um. You were wrong."

Lance keeps flipping through the magazines. They have a lot of Vibes with Eminem on the cover. "I know that."

"But. I was wrong, too."

Lance puts the magazines down and looks at Justin. "What did you do?"

"I didn't, I didn't say I wanted us to be exclusive. I didn't tell you that I liked you as much as I should have. As much as I did." Justin keeps looking through the magazines, head down.

"I didn't know that stuff," Lance says.

"That's my fault. That's where I was wrong." Justin pulls a magazine out of the stack. "This is the one. How much is it?"

"Like, five dollars."

Justin pulls a wad of ones from his pocket and hands it to Lance. "I don't need a bag," he says, and walks out of the store.

Lance walks out after him and waves to JC at the counter. Lance sees Justin waiting at the curb for the traffic to clear. "Justin!"

Justin turns around. "Yeah?"

Lance stands next to him. "Did? Cause, um. See, I think, well, I liked you more than I thought. I'd be okay, I'd like to try again."

Justin just stares at him for a really long minute. Then the traffic clears and Justin runs across Clifton Street. Lance stays on the curb. Justin walks rapidly back to Bread and Saucer with his head down. Lance watches until Justin looks over his shoulder and back at Lance. Justin kind of waves or something.

Lance decides that's a sign and runs across the street. He almost gets hit by a car but he manages to avoid the car with an extra burst of speed. Justin turns around and shouts, "Dude, be careful!"

Lance pants with his hands on his thighs. "Well, you know."

Justin is standing next to him. "Dude, don't do that shit."

"You waved to me."

"Don't put your death wish on me." Lance looks up and Justin is grinning.

"We kind of fucked stuff up, huh?" he says, lighting a cigarette.

Lance says, "Yeah. But it's fixably fucked up. Not irreversibly fucked up."

Justin exhales through his nose. "I think so."

"You think fixably or you think irreversibly?"

Justin grins. "I think fixably, I think. And I also think fixably isn't a word."

"I think you're right. All counts." Lance leans forward and kisses Justin gently. "I really am sorry."

"I believe you." Justin kisses him back and then wraps his arm around Lance's shoulders. They walk like that all the way down Clifton Street.

for once in my life I won't let sorrow hurt me not like it hurt me before - Stevie Wonder

THE END

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