NOTES: Happy Birthday Dacey and thank you. Chad Crouch wrote the song. Portland is, and for that I thank Chris. Thanks to Younger, Shana, Kelly and Jenn.

VIVA THE SKATERS UNDER THE BURNSIDE BRIDGE

He was drunk so it became an argument and then he was pissed so he argued more. Chris was full of shit, which was nothing new. Justin doesn't remember exactly how he agreed to this. He distinctly recalls Chris saying, "I bet you couldn't live on $600 a week. You wouldn't last six weeks." Justin is sure he took the bet, said he would last at least six weeks. He remembers Joey grinning like Justin had answered the million dollar question but they were all pretty drunk by then. So he's not confused about that part.

This is the part that boggles his mind. Three days after that night, Saturday morning, Joey and Chris show up at his place and make him get in a limo. Take him to the airport. Put him on a private jet, don't tell him where they're flying to. It's only Chris on the plane with him and Chris just keeps saying, "You gonna back down on a bet?" Justin keeps saying no. The plane lands and Chris actually blindfolds Justin, guides him to another car and won't let him take the blindfold off until the car stops after a twenty-minute drive. Chris says, "This is us."

Justin steps out of the car and realizes Chris was driving. It's a fucking Taurus and green. Justin looks up and he's staring at an apartment complex. A row of three story red brick buildings. He says, "What the fuck?"

Chris says, "Follow me," and Justin does. It makes no sense and Justin's already scared.

Chris has keys in his pocket and he opens the door to an apartment on the third floor. He pushes Justin in and closes the door. Chris looks at Justin and says, "The bet starts now."

Justin looks around the apartment. It's sparsely furnished. A dingy brown couch, a big TV, a computer. A chair. Justin sees pictures on a table and he squints and he realizes the pictures are of his mom, his dad, his brothers. "The bet?" Justin's voice sounds squeaky. "Whose apartment is this?"

"It's yours," Chris smiles and hands Justin a plain brown wallet. Not even leather.

Justin says, "What the fuck." He keeps saying as Chris explains the terms of the bet and he says it again and again and again. Chris and Joey have decided that for Justin to win the bet, to live as a man of honor, Justin has to live in this apartment in Portland and work some job.

Chris explains it three times. "You're now Justin Randall. Here's your ID." It looks real and Justin wonders how they got this. He's pretty sure it's illegal to have a fake ID, even in Oregon.

But he doesn't just have a perfect drivers license from the state of Oregon, he has an ATM card and a gym membership. All for Justin Randall. He even has a job starting on Monday. "Quality control or something -- don't worry, you can handle it. And you better not get fired or you'll have to look for a job on your own." It's deranged.

Somehow it's typical Chris and insanely elaborate. In order to prove he can live on $600 a week, Chris and Joey expect Justin to live this fabricated life in Portland.

Justin protests. "What about security?"

Chris hands him a pair of wire-rimmed glasses, new ones but they're Justin's prescription. Justin says, "Okay, I meant bodyguards."

Chris says, "None. Justin Randall doesn't need 'em and we'll plant stuff, we'll have everyone convinced you're jetting around Europe and Asia."

"What if someone recognizes me?"

Chris says, "Say 'I just look like him, I get that all the time.' Walk away."

Justin says, "You know this is completely whack. What if I back out?"

Chris grins. "I'll leak the story of our scandalous love."

"We don't have a scandalous love."

"We've slept together," Chris says.

"ONCE! I was seventeen!" Justin starts pacing, waving his arms.

"Doesn't matter to the Enquirer." And Chris would do it, Justin knows. Johnny would cover it up but Chris could make that shit happen. Justin's weighing this versus six weeks of quality control when Chris says, "You're welshing on the bet?"

Justin says, "No."

Chris leaves that night amidst threats about monitoring Justin's accounts for activity and reciting headlines about Chris and Justin's love for the ages. Justin looks around the apartment and says, "Holy FUCK. My friends are complete freaks." Unfortunately, Justin has rich freaky friends who can set this kind of shit up.

He wakes up in the apartment Sunday morning and realizes it wasn't a dream. He searches the apartment first. Chris or someone has left the lease and all his utility bills in one drawer. In the same drawer is a checkbook and he checks the balance in the little book: he has $200. His new cheap wallet also contains $50 cash. He doesn't have a credit card. Justin sighs. He can totally do the money part, he's not some spoiled brat who needs to shop everyday. It's the rest that's freaking him out.

He has cable, thank God, and the TV's a good size at least. He has an older model of Sega and Chris, he knows this part was Chris, hasn't left any of the games he likes. A bunch of CDs for a decent enough stereo and a Discman, but none of his cool import ones.

Chris ordered pizza and there's still some of that left so Justin doesn't get hungry until that evening. He could order more. He sighs and thinks Chris will be really upset when he hears about Justin being maimed while trying to buy fucking groceries in Portland. He puts on the glasses and a baseball cap and walks out the door. Goes down the steps, then walks back up because he forgot his keys and his wallet. This time he locks the door as he leaves.

He doesn't know where he is so he keeps turning around and repeating the steps back to the apartment. Down a street, cross another street and he finds a big supermarket place called Fred Meyer. It's like one of those Walmarts, with food. He keeps his head down and moves quickly, grabs milk and cereal and frozen foods. He'll worry about real cooking later.

An Enquirer article promises the truth about the new love in Britney's life and Justin looks away and hopes the girl at the register doesn't recognize him. She doesn't say anything besides "Debit or credit?" and "Have a nice evening." Justin thinks he got lucky and he doesn't feel safe until he's back in his apartment.

He fires up the computer and there's a link to get online. At least they're not fucking him over that way. He can download his email from the website and he looks up his new prison. Portland is divided into four quadrants basically, and he lives in the southeast one. His new job, according to the note Chris left, is in the southwest. Chris left him a bus pass, good for one month and Justin figures out which bus to take to work, which to take home. He sends out emails to his parents and his brothers, cancels a bunch of appointments he had through an email to his assistant.

He looks at his closet and his drawers and he has slacks and shirts and ties. It's not awful stuff, but he thinks it's just Lance's wardrobe from the movie altered to fit Justin. He can imagine Lance picking things out, helping Chris and Joey with this deranged scheme. He starts flipping through his outfits and clothes and rubs his forehead when he realizes he only has two pairs of sneakers. And not his cool ones, they're two year old Nikes. A couple of pairs of jeans, but regular Levis, some shorts, some plain t-shirts. The only thing that he thinks is actually his is a t-shirt Joey bought him during the Strings tour from some restaurant in Atlanta.

He's fucking pissed. But if he backs down, he'll never hear the end of it. Fuckers. He hates them both. But he'll show them. He won't whine and complain. Fuckers.

He needs to be there at eight, but he's concerned about the buses even though he doesn't need to transfer so he leaves early and he gets there at 7:30 a.m. It works out okay because the woman who's training him, Jennifer, is there early, too. He walks up to the floor and looks around and she waves. She says, "Hey, are you Mr. Randall?"

He blinks and says, "Yeah. I'm Justin. Justin Randall, that's me." He grins and then stops.

His job is fairly simple but he still spends the whole day concentrating so hard on getting it right. He finds the bus home easily and just watches TV. His shoulders and neck ache, not from the work, but from time spent with his head down, trying to avoid being seen or drawing attention to himself. It's not the least bit fun.

Phil comes in the second day at work, he's been transferred and it's the three of them, all stations filled, Phil, Jennifer and Justin. Jennifer says, "I thought, since we had the boom box and the radio sucks, we could each maybe bring in some CDs we like. And everyone could have a veto, you know, in case our music tastes don't mesh." She looks at the two of them hopefully.

Phil says, "Well, maybe we all like 80s punk?" Justin starts to laugh and covers his face and Phil says, "Okay then."

Second night home from work, Justin looks in the refrigerator and he's out of food again. He walks to the Fred Meyer again and buys more real food. Things he can cook, he supposes. He tries some exploring, getting the lay of the land. In the opposite direction of the Fred Meyer is a video store. A really good store, Justin realizes. It's an okay option, he thinks, to pass the time, and he gets a card, shows his ID, and rents some things. He walks past the exotic directors section from France and thinks of JC and just keeps going. Monster movies in the back area and he picks a few of those.

He ducks his head and pays for the films and goes to his apartment. He's still in undercover mode, feeling his way around. He still feels like any minute now he's gonna get caught and the only safe place is in his apartment. Not only does he want kill Chris and Joey, he wants to just sit and home and wait this shit out. He wants to do something fun but there isn't anything fun at all.

His third day at work he sets his alarm early enough to go to his gym before work. And it's fine, he works out, he feels good and then he gets to the locker room. Because sure, Chris can say he just looks like Justin Timberlake, but looks just like and has the exact same tattoos is something completely different. Then again, how many men over thirty have his tattoos memorized, he wonders. He's maybe being paranoid. He looks around and no one's looking. No one he can see. He strips down and locks up his stuff and stands under the hot water longer than he should. Work is dull. He's got a hang of things and he's a hard worker, even something as dull as this, but he's gotten faster and he has time to just sit and stare. He doesn't feel like an undercover agent anymore.

Phil brings in CDs by the Descendents and Bad Religion. Jennifer brings in CDs by indie folkies types Justin has never heard of. Justin brings in his favorites he could find in the apartment, Brian McKnight, Al Green, and the Beatles. Nobody nixes anything the first day so that's nice.

Office politics, there really isn't much but by the third day Justin has it figured out mostly. He knows not to touch things in the fridge because he lived on a bus for half his life. He knows how to work with people because he always has, it's the same as a show or a tour, be nice at the beginning but not too nice, figure out the lay of land. It's been a long time since he wasn't someone people deferred to, since he wasn't the one people were sucking up to, but it makes him feel less paranoid. Everyone in the office, they're all over twenty-five except him and he knows what Jive says about their demographic skewing these days, but he feels safer that they're all older than his average fan. He always wears his glasses and keeps his head down.

He decides he's officially depressed after he gets off work the third day. He watches a movie he's rented and goes to bed. Wakes up, goes to the gym, breakfast, work, lunch, and it's a grind and he's only been doing it for four days. He has eight weeks off and he didn't intend to spend them stuck in Portland because Chris and Joey are assholes. He realizes Friday night on the bus he hasn't had a real conversation, something not work-related, since Chris left. Emails from his mom don't really count. He could go a long time that way, with no real talking and it's really scary. He wonders how many people that happens to.

He goes to Fred Meyer again for more milk and cereal and the girl at the counter, the one he saw last Sunday, looks up at him and smiles. She says, "Hey, how are you? Glad it's Friday?"

He smiles and says, "I'm okay." It's the closest he's come to a real conversation in a long time, but there are people in line. He walks home again and watches another movie.

Saturday morning he does laundry. He knows how to do laundry, he's not some spoiled brat. And Lance was nice in his clothes purchasing, none of it's dry clean only. He finds the room in the basement, figures out which key it is and starts his first load. He has a book and he doesn't want anything to be stolen so he sits on top on the dryer and stares at the book.

His clothes are in the dryer when a girl walks in. Short, mid-twenties, and he dismisses her as a possible fan when he sees the five earrings and the nose ring. She smiles and says, "Hi. You using the washer, too?"

He shakes his head and jumps off the machine. She smiles again and says, "I'm Hallie. Are you the new guy on the third floor?"

Justin says, "Yeah. Uh, I'm Justin." Hallie sticks out her hand and Justin shakes her hand and he just wants to hold on. He realizes suddenly that it's not just that no one talks to him, no one touches him. He wants to cling to the girl. He's used to seeing his mom, the guys, even his bodyguards, people who touch him all the time and he never realized. He lets go and blushes.

Hallie puts her clothes in the washer and turns around. "Hey," she says. "You smoke? I was gonna have a cigarette out on the stoop."

Justin nods and says sure. He doesn't smoke often, a pack a year, really, but anything, he thinks. He has this craving for human contact. Hallie asks him questions and Justin deflects most of them but he admits that he's just arrived in Portland. She says, "Have you been to Powell's yet?"

Justin says, "No. I haven't been anywhere but the gym and work and Fred Meyer and Movie Madness."

Hallie laughs. "That's just not right. Seriously. Look, me and Hank, my roommate, we were going to go there today, he's looking for some poetry book he thinks just came out. You are coming with us. It's just not right to live in Portland and not have been to Powell's."

Justin smiles, really smiles and says, "Okay."

Hank is the same age roughly as Hallie and taller than Justin, all thin and skinny, not coiled muscle like JC. Soft-spoken and Justin finds out quickly, gay. He mentions something about an ex-boyfriend who was his roommate before Hallie. Justin can't get over how easily people reveal themselves, things like that, say these things to a complete stranger. He kinda likes it, though.

"So, you?" Hallie says with a smile, as they sit on the bus, riding downtown to Powell's. "Exes, etc?"

Justin laughs. He doesn't answer those questions. He guesses he should say something because no comment won't work here. He says, "Uh. I just broke up with someone. I mean, I got dumped. And really, I dumped someone. My life's a little screwed up, I guess."

Hank grins. "Sounds like it's all clean slate now."

Justin thinks that's something like true. JC dumped him six months ago, he broke up with Britney after that. He should be over things. He stares out the window and then they're there.

Hank likes poetry and literature and they go straight to those sections. Justin looks up at the shelves, all the books. Powell's, Hallie says reverently, the largest independent bookstore in the US. Three stories of books. Used and new. He looks back at Hank, scanning a thin volume with a black cover. "Hey, can you, uh, recommend one? For a gift."

Hank nods his head. "Let's take this seriously," he says with a smile. "Tell me about this person, tell me what they like."

Justin laughs. "Well, he doesn't like me. Since he dumped me." And he pauses and can't breathe because he can't believe he's saying this to strangers. He looks down and rubs his hands together.

Hank says quietly, "If he doesn't like you, why do you want to get him a gift? Cause you seem pretty likeable."

Justin sighs. "Well, he does like me. He just doesn't want to go out with me anymore. And I really don't hold it against him. He loves poetry. So, here I am. His birthday's in August. So."

Hank doesn't say anything about Justin's freak-out and he picks up two or three sort of obscure but, according to Hank, "really really good" books. Justin thinks the titles are interesting at least. Hallie comes up behind him and grabs his arm. She smiles at him and says, "Now, what books do you want? It's POWELL'S! Everything is here!"

He says, "Murder mysteries," and the two of them take him to that section. He makes sure to buy used copies, checks his totals, reminds himself to deposit his paycheck on Monday.

They buy the books and when Justin says something about maybe looking for a used CD store they drag him up four blocks to a big independent record store. Everyday Music. One look at the posters on the wall and Justin feels safe, because he doubts there's a poster with his face on it that's ever been allowed here. Hank and Hallie each grab one of his hands and take him to the back of the store. "Scuffs," Hank says. "CDs that are not perfect but play quite well and very cheap. An undiscovered treasure trove, I tell you." Hank grins and Justin has to smile back. They're both just so nice. They don't care about who he really is, they don't know he's who he is. They think he's just this guy, and they still like him. It's nice, Justin thinks, for someone outside the guys, his family, to just like him as is and not expect anything of him.

He only buys two CDs and Hallie forces some CD on him, says he has to buy it. It's called 'Portland, Oregon' and he doesn't know who the artist is at all. As they walk out, Hallie says, "Starving. Ringlers it is!"

They cross the street and go to a restaurant on the corner. Hank is an administrator for a county agency, Hallie works at copy store and Justin throws in his anecdotes about work at quality control. When their food comes, Hallie says, "Okay, spill about the ex. He's a guy. Tell us more."

Justin looks down at his burger. He says, "Uh. It's not that exciting. Known him forever, like, since I was eleven or twelve. And we started going together, like, two years ago. And it was off and on and up and down and then six months ago he broke it off. And we're still friends and end of story."

Hallie says, "Sounds like a jerk."

Justin laughs. "He's not a jerk at all. He's really, he's incredibly nice."

Hallie says, "Dude. I don't know him, I know you. Ergo, he's a jerk."

Hank mentions something about getting back, talks vaguely about something they have to do tonight and Justin knows how that works so he quickly says, "Yeah, I have a thing tonight, too." One last video to watch before he returns them on Sunday. They talk on the bus home about concerts Hallie and Hank are looking forward to and then they get back to the apartment building and he waves goodbye.

So it's not so bad. He guesses he has two friends. He's still at home on a Saturday night, watching some video. But someone touched him and he had a conversation that didn't start "when is break time?"

Sunday morning and he returns his videos and gets a few more. He sits in his apartment and thinks about how fucking miserable he is. Fucking Chris. Fucking Joey. They can't honestly think he's spoiled. He buys things, of course, he likes nice things and sneakers, but he's not some spoiled brat. He doesn't need to prove this by living in some crappy apartment and working some crappy job.

And Chris and Joey know this. So he doesn't get why they're doing this to him. He wanders around the apartment and finds pictures, in his bedroom, and what kind of haze has he been in until now that he didn't notice he had pictures in his bedroom? They're candids of the guys, all of them looking almost unrecognizable. Chris must have picked them out because they're the most unflattering pictures he's ever seen, except for the ones of Chris. He grabs one of JC and runs his finger over the picture. JC, JC. When they broke up, it felt like hell but he's sure it's okay now. He really thinks that until he realizes he's been sitting on the floor, hugging the picture of JC to his chest for half an hour. He's maybe not completely over JC, after all.

And that's the point of this stupid exercise. Of course. Joey, of course. Joey knows it takes a while to get over JC, that's it too hard to do when he's always around. Justin remembers back when JC and Joey broke up and how Joey took a vacation, just for a few weeks when he could. So, that makes sense. Chris and Joey decided he wasn't over JC and so they set up this whole elaborate thing. It's almost nice in a twisted, deranged Chris kind of way.

Joey calls in the middle of the afternoon, says, "How's poverty, baby?"

"I'm not poor at all, Joey, I'm making good money," Justin grins because what else can he do, it's Joey. He thinks he should tell Joey he's figured this all out, he can come home now and get over JC somewhere else than fucking Portland, Powell's or no, but then Joey starts talking about Brianna and this juicy story he heard about Jacob from O-Town and Justin decides to wait. It's so nice to talk to someone, to someone he knows and even better that it's Joey.

They stay on the phone for a while and Joey says, "So. You having fun?"

Justin sighs. "No. I get that you guys think I'm safe, but someone's gonna recognize me. Shit, you're gonna have to pay off people when we're done with this, I went to a bookstore today with this couple from my apartment, they're like Will and Grace, only in their twenties and in Portland, and. Yeah, no fun. I think you've proved your point, let me come home, okay?"

Joey says, "Justin, man, you are safe. Check out the net, man, we have people convinced you're in Europe. No one's looking for you. We won't have to pay off anyone."

"What am I doing in Europe?"

"Getting over your heartbreak of the break-up with Britney. You flirted with Vanessa Paradis at some party, and Johnny Depp glared at you."

"Did she say that?" Justin snorts and walks into his living room. He should make dinner or something.

"She didn't deny it. Don't you worry." Joey pauses. "Look, I was thinking. I can come out there in two weeks. Over the weekend, I'll bring Bree."

"Seriously? Can you bring me home after that?"

"Nope. You said six weeks, you're not backing out on a bet, are you?"

Justin just sighs and tells Joey to call him when he has more details.

Monday during his lunch break he walks down to the Bank of America. It's across from the courthouse and he watches deputies hustle guys in jumpsuits and handcuffs into a van as he walks into the bank. He knows this is his bank, because it's on his ATM card. He waits in the line and then he puts the check in front of the teller and says, "I need to deposit this."

The teller looks at him and smiles likes she thinks he's an idiot. "I need a deposit slip. What's your account number?"

Justin looks down. He says, "I'm not sure." And yes, he looks like an idiot. So he says, "You know, at my old job, I had direct deposit. I'm kinda lost here." She smiles more and has him use his ATM card so he can figure out his account number. He realizes he has deposit slips at the back of check book and thinks, next time, he'll do this right.

When he gets home from work, Hallie knocks on his door and asks if he wants to go out to dinner. Nothing expensive, just some place that only takes cash down past Fred Meyer. They talk about movies and TV and it's completely nice. Hallie giggles a lot and her favorite band of all time is U2 except sometimes when it's They Might Be Giants. Justin almost starts talking about when he and Bono worked together on the What's Going On thing but he bites his lip and doesn't. After dinner they walk back in fading light and when Justin actually looks, it's pretty. He can see hills with trees and houses hidden away and the sky is not quite blue and not quite orange and it's nice. He hasn't walked anywhere and actually looked since he got to Portland.

It's pretty, even, but it would be really fucking nice to have a car. An actual car where he could drive around and instead he's stuck on the bus because there's no way he could afford a car on his salary right now. Fucking Chris.

Tuesday, Jennifer says, "Do you smoke?" and Justin nods yes again, worked last time. She takes him down to the sky bridge off the third floor where everyone smokes and introduces him to Alan. Alan works in another department and Justin thinks he looks like Joshua Jackson, only older, like maybe twenty-eight or something, maybe as tall as Lance. Alan looks him up and down and Justin knows that look.

He smiles back because Alan is hot and fuck it, he's getting over someone, he deserves a fling. Chris and Joey can front the money to pay the guy off later. Except, he has no idea how to do this like this. He can't get a bodyguard to ask Alan. His publicist can't call Alan's publicist. And he laughs and covers his mouth.
Alan says, "Justin. Justin is a nice name."

Jennifer has drifted away and Justin says, "I like it. It's mine." He laughs again and thinks, 'hey, wanna fuck?' is a bad pick-up line no matter what Joey said back in Germany.

Alan says, "Here. Let me try. I'm interested. You look interested. Let's go to dinner."

Justin laughs again. "That works for me. It's just, sorry. I've never, uh, not so good with the asking."

Alan smirks. "Well, hey, you didn't look all confused and go, huh? So you're good with the saying yes."

Alan has something to do that night, and Justin says he does, too. So they settle on Wednesday night and both their breaks are almost done. Alan smiles and says, "See you tomorrow at break," as they walk to the elevators and Justin grins back and waves.

Wednesday at break, Alan says they can meet at a restaurant he likes in northwest Portland and Justin says he can figure out the bus there, he'll want to go home and change. Alan smiles and things are settled. Work is almost exciting, the anticipation making him hum. He even sings along under his breath to the Circle Jerks album Phil brought in.

He's rushing up the stairs when he sees Hallie and she says, "What's up?"

He calls down, "Got a date, got a date, must change."

Hallie comes running upstairs and sits on his couch. "Let me help! And tell me about him!"

Justin laughs and changes into the nicer shirt he'd laid out before he left. He closes the bedroom door so Hallie can't see his tattoos. He comes out in the closest he can find to a nice outfit for dinner and a movie. Fuck Lance and his crappy clothes, Justin thinks. Black slacks and a gray button down and his own damn leather jacket. He grins at Hallie, plump on the couch with her excited expression. Like a stylist, only not. "What do you think?"

"You look hot. I'd jump you before dessert." Hallie claps him on the shoulder and wishes him luck.

The restaurant is nice, on a busy street and in a really pretty part of town. Cute little houses and lots of trees and it's not that late, only seven and the sun hasn't set. It's really pretty and Justin thinks it would be nice to live here, maybe just on this street in early summer at seven o'clock at night for the rest of his life. He could maybe afford to do that, he thinks. He has enough money.

Alan is waiting outside and he smiles at Justin and that's really pretty, too. Alan says, "Before we go in. I wanted to be really clear about something. See. Yes, here's the thing. I'm being transferred. I'm leaving Portland on Monday, and my last day at work is Friday. So, I like you, you're pretty adorable, and I don't want you to think, well. I just wanted to be clear."

Justin smiles. "That, you know. That works. Because you're very cute, too, but I think. I'm only in Portland, I think, for another four or five weeks and really, I just broke up. I just got dumped, and I'm kinda getting over this person. This guy," because, fuck it, if things go well, he's gonna sleep with Alan and there's no point in pretending he's not mostly gay. "So, we're okay."

Alan has a great smile and he really does look like a slightly older Joshua Jackson. They go inside and sit near the back. Justin looks up from the menu and says, "Okay, dating wise, I'm not so. Am I paying or we're going dutch?"

Alan says, "I'm paying. I asked you out. You pay next time. On Friday. And, okay, you don't date and you don't ask people out and please, tell me you're not a virgin who just realized he's gay."

"No, not at all. It's just," and Justin reaches for the way to explain all this. "Not a virgin. Not since I was sixteen, seriously. And I knew I liked boys since I was fourteen, so, really, no. It's just, I was seeing this guy, the one who dumped me and I knew him from work and we worked together, so we never did the asking out on dates thing. Because it was a different job, and uh, we worked a lot. And before that, and sometimes during that because it was very up and down and on and off, it was mostly. Guys I met in clubs. So, I'm not, that make me sound more slutty than I am, but. Yeah, that's me."

Alan drinks his water. He nods and then smirks. "Good, because that makes the rest of the evening sound like way more fun than it would have been had you been a blushing virgin."

Alan's really funny and he doesn't listen to much music at all. He loves basketball and dinner passes fast, good food, good conversation. It's a very nice first date. After dinner, Alan grabs Justin's hand, warm and soft and a strong grip and they walk to a theater to see a re-release of some Hitchcock thing. Chris or JC would know. It's dark now and crowded anyway on the street and Justin starts to think about how this would all look as a grainy picture in the Enquirer.

He's sweating because he can't see the photographers but someone's always out there and someone's always looking and it doesn't matter what Joey says, someone's gonna see him. Alan looks over and says quietly, "Are you okay? I thought, you're out, right?"

Justin swallows and thinks, fuckitfuckitfuckit. Fuck it. Let fucking Joey and fucking Chris deal with this crap, it was their stupid fucking idea. He looks over at Alan and smiles. He says, "I am. Just. Just not to everyone. Like, my grandmother." Justin says a silent apology to his grandmother who is really very aware that he likes boys and loved JC to death and was pretty sad that they ended. "My grandmother would freak, so."

"Where does she live?"

Tennessee. He says, "Gresham," because that's where Phil lives. "But it's okay. I'm okay." He kisses Alan on the cheek and they go inside for the movie. Alan rubs his knee like a promise. They walk out talking about Hitchcock and Justin just gets in Alan's car and doesn't even think twice. Alan figures out where Justin lives by Justin's vague memories of cross streets and they stop in front of his apartment building. Justin says, "You want to, you should come up."

Alan says, "Works for me."

Then they're making out on the couch and Justin knows this part. He reaches over and turns off the light. Alan has nice hands and he kisses well. He pulls off Justin's shirt and they're grinding against each other. It's great, and Justin thinks he's definitely 99% over JC now. He breaks off and says, "One sec." He found the lube and condoms in the bathroom on Sunday, and he thinks that one was a gift from Joey. He comes back with both and settles on top of Alan. "I'm not being too forward, here, right?"

Alan says, "Definitely not. Completely not."

Alan likes to bottom and Justin doesn't mind at all and it's sweaty and hot and completely satisfying. When they're done and cleaned up, Alan says, "Okay, I have to go. I have to drive home. But," and he kisses Justin and it's funny, Justin still hasn't taken off his glasses, he realizes when Alan bumps against them. Alan says, "But. We have to do this again, on Friday. We'll go to a club." Alan is skimming his hands down Justin's bare chest and Justin shivers, it's really nice. "We will dance and get shit-faced if you want and go back to my place and yeah. Wish I was staying longer."

Justin says, "Me, too," and means it. When Alan's gone, Justin realizes he has to clean the couch. No maid like at home or hotel maids to count on. He sighs and finds cleaning supplies under the sink and cleans it all up before he goes to bed.

It's a grind, but he doesn't mind on Thursday or Friday. Hallie winks at him when he passes her on Friday night and he laughs. Alan is coming over and when he gets there, Justin is still trying to find something to wear. He gets the door and thinks, fuck, he's just wearing a wife beater and there's the really really recognizable tattoo. But fuck it, fuck it. Chris and Joey can worry about it. Alan says, "You're not ready."

Justin rolls his eyes and says, "Hello, I need to find something to wear." They're both laughing and Alan follows him back to the bedroom. "Fucking Lance," Justin says, because he has no cool clubbing clothes.

"Lance?" Alan says.

Justin bites his lip and fuck, he's never been good at lying. He says, "Lance used to be my roommate. And I used to have clothes to wear to clubs and now I do not and it's Lance's fault."

Alan says, "He stole your clothes? That's mean."

Justin goes back to his closet and says, "He wishes he could steal my clothes. He wishes my clothes would fit him. Fucking Lance who makes sure I have no decent cool clothes because, fuck, he, uh, gave them to his boyfriend."

Alan laughs behind and Justin turns around and grins. "Okay. Can I help?"

Justin says, "Sure. Go ahead. I give up."

Alan digs out a black button down and says, "Wear this, don't button it." He finds a pair of jeans and throws those at Justin, too. And there's the tattoo that everyone knows and then there's his tattoo on his ankle. And if he'd known that he'd end up spending six weeks in Portland pretending to be someone else he wouldn't have had his initials tattooed on his body. Justin grabs the clothes and changes in the bathroom. He flushes the toilet before he steps out so it doesn't seem too weird.

Alan makes low, admiring noises and he almost sounds like Lance for a moment. Justin hates Lance a lot for depriving him of decent clothes to go clubbing in, but he's not gonna deny Lance is one sexy motherfucker. So Justin grins and runs an admiring hand over Alan's very nice ass as they walk out.

The club is nice, it's not that amazing, but there's loud music and dancing and Justin smiles wide. Alan looks especially good under strobe lights for some reason and they both get drinks and it's all very good. There isn't even a VIP lounge in the place and Justin finds it kinda weird, moving through the crowd on his own, with Alan. He has to pay for every drink he gets and can't just let Dre deal with the tab. Also, the bathroom is crowded. But there's a dance floor and Justin pulls Alan into the thick of it. Dancing, dancing and it's a nice mix. After a half hour, Alan kisses his check and shouts in his ear, "You have too much stamina. I'm gonna rest and rehydrate." Justin raises his eyebrow to make sure Alan is okay and Alan smiles and waves.

It's pretty wonderful and it's funny because, okay, Justin is used to being touched on the dance floor but it's funny to think this time it's just because he looks hot. It's a really good mix and after a while, he decides it would polite and smart to find Alan again. Alan is leaning against the bar and talking to some cute short guy but he immediately puts his arm around Justin's waist and pulls him close. Alan says to Justin, "You ready to go?"

Justin looks back longingly at the dance floor but then again, after this is almost definitely sex and he wants that more. He says, "You know it."

As they're walking out, the DJ starts playing a remix of Girlfriend and Justin looks back as the dance floor starts to vibrate. It's the coolest thing. It's incredibly cool. Because whenever people play their music in clubs and Justin is there, he always thinks it's just because they're there and the people dancing are just sucking up or showing off, but here, no one knows, he hopes fervently no one knows and people are dancing anyway. Like they really like it. He watches for a second and turns to catch up with Alan.

Alan's apartment is clean and nice, even with the boxes stacked in one corner and the empty bookshelves. His bed is still made and they fuck twice in the half-light from the street. It's the best part of the evening, even with everything that was great about the evening. Alan runs his hand down Justin's arm and back up and traces the tattoo on his shoulder and says, "Stay. We'll have brunch in the morning."

Justin murmurs okay and falls asleep in the warm bed.

He wakes up with the sun in his eyes and Alan smiles down at him. "Hey, get a shower, get dressed, I'll take you to this great place." Justin waits for Alan to walk into his living room before he gets out of the bed.

Brunch is really nice, some place called Zell's and they eat and laugh and talk about basketball. Alan looks up after they finish and says, "Damn. Any chance you're thinking of moving to Austin?"

Justin says, "No. Sorry. I kinda wish, I tell you." He means it. Alan is really nice, and hot, and good in bed. Alan drops him off at his apartment, says a sweet goodbye and they're necking, Justin leaning in the window. And that's a picture for the Enquirer, he thinks, but fuck it, it's officially Chris and Joey's problem.

Saturday is boring after that, he just watches videos and thinks about how he needs to do laundry again. The only highlight of Sunday is that Joey calls again and he's coming out next Saturday in the morning. Justin offers to meet him at the airport, but Joey says not to.

The week is long and boring. He has dinner with Hank on Tuesday at some vegetarian restaurant Hank swears by and they talk about cute boys. Hank has weird taste, and doesn't think Brad Pitt is even vaguely cute but would give anything to sleep with Michael Stipe. Justin doesn't say he's met Michael Stipe and he smelled kinda funny. He goes to lunch with Jennifer a few times and they take smoke breaks together. Jennifer is pretty funny and she's been married for three years to some guy she met in a bar. They got married three weeks after they met, and she laughs as she tells the story.

Friday night he goes back to the club where he went with Alan and he dances. People press against him and he laughs and presses back sometimes. He lets a boy kiss him, but it's still weird. He keeps thinking things are left undone. Someone should have talked to Alan, paid him off. And strangers in clubs, he's used to the bodyguards taking care of things, making sure it's all okay. So he shrugs at the boy and catches a cab home. Joey, he thinks, Joey and Brianna tomorrow and thank fucking God.

Joey knocks on his door at 9 a.m. and Justin hugs him and picks up Brianna from her stroller and it's all just so wonderful. He pulls Joey inside and says, "Man, I am so happy to see you." Joey's shaved off his beard and he's wearing glasses. Justin waits for the Clark Kent joke but Joey doesn't make one.

Joey laughs. "Want someone to pay for your meals for a while?"

Justin shakes his head and looks down at Brianna. She's sleepy or she's just woken up and she just leans her head against his chest. He rubs her head gently and says, "I'm fine. I got a job, I make $600 a week and I'm fine. I figured out you guys, you know?"

Joey looks serious for a moment and says, "You figured us out?"

"Yeah, I did." Justin speaks softly because Brianna is almost asleep. "You guys don't think I'm some spoiled brat. You set me up to get over JC."

Joey shakes his head. "Justin, you're wrong." Justin doesn't look up because he's just happy looking at Brianna, but he thinks Joey might be lying.

They put Brianna down on the couch and watch her sleep. They talk quietly for an hour or so and it rocks hard. Justin just loves watching Joey and maybe it's that's because he misses everyone so much but Justin's not so sure. Mostly he's glad Joey is here, with him.

They just talk about shit, how Lance is doing, Chris's latest scheme, even what JC is up to. Justin's talked to his parents and his brothers while he's been stuck in Portland, so he has those stories to tell, of course. It's an easy hour or two.

When Brianna wakes up from her nap, Joey says, "Let's go downtown. Show me this crazy town."

Justin says it's not very crazy. They drive downtown in a nondescript SUV, and Justin is happy even to see the bodyguards. He grins at them and they both smile back. Bodyguards, he loves bodyguards. They park in a lot and Joey puts Brianna in her stroller. The bodyguards hang way back and Justin thinks no one would even notice them. They walk around downtown a little, sit in Pioneer Courthouse Square and roll a ball back and forth in the bright sun with Brianna. She's so cute. They decide to go to a juice place for smoothies and Justin scoops Brianna up and she laughs and smiles at him.

They're sitting in the place while Brianna tries to negotiate the spoon Joey offers her and Justin says, "Seriously. I'm over JC. I mean, y'all want to pretend you actually think I'm some spoiled brat who would never make it. And I'm not."

"I know that," Joey says softly. "Are you really over him?"

Justin watches Brianna bat at the spoon and Joey grin at her. "Completely. I've even done the rebound thing."

Joey raises an eyebrow and says, "Shi -- shoot. You're seeing someone?"

"I was. I did. You guys can track him down and pay him off later." Justin finishes his smoothie and looks out the suddenly overcast street.

"We won't need to, Justin." Joey starts putting Brianna in her stroller and says, "Tell me about rebound guy."

They walk out and it's almost raining, that fine mist he's used to from Portland. They walk back to the car and someone calls, "Justin!"

Joey looks serious for a moment and Justin flinches but when he turns around, it's Jennifer. She smiles and waves with the hand not holding bags from Nordstrom's. Justin says, "Hey, Jennifer. How are you?"

She walks up and coos at Brianna, because, really, everyone coos at Brianna. Brianna says, "Hello" and Joey rubs her head. Justin introduces Joey as his cousin and gives Brianna's name. Jennifer babbles on about a sale and work and Justin smiles and nods. She says something about Alan and asks if Justin's heard from him and then blushes and looks down. Justin says he hasn't and they have to go. She waves bye and Brianna imitates her wave for a few blocks.

They go back to the apartment and the bodyguards wait somewhere else. Somewhere near the apartment, Justin thinks, but not directly outside. They make dinner for Brianna and it's almost domestic. Like a day at home during a break, except not his big pretty house. Justin went to Movie Madness on Friday and got some kid videos and they watch those a little. Mostly they just play with Brianna until she falls asleep on the couch. Joey sets up a little crib thing he brought with him and he moves her to that.

Justin pulls Joey into the bedroom and they sit on the bed. Joey says, "Tell me about rebound guy."

"He was nice. He worked at the place I work. We went out a few times. He got transferred to Austin. It was only twice but I think that counts." Justin plays with his jeans and sneaks glances at Joey, leaning back and resting on his elbows. Joey isn't anything like skinny but Justin's starting to think he's pretty tired of skinny. Not in anti-skinny way, just in an appreciating Joey way.

Joey says, "Cool. That's good." He looks around and then he says, "So, can I sleep in the bed? Or the couch?"

"Sleep here," Justin says. "Sleep with me."

Joey raises an eyebrow. "Was that a come-on?"

"What do you think?" Justin grins.

Joey says, "You'd pretty much just jump anyone who came out to visit, wouldn't you?"

Justin shakes his head. "Nope. Wouldn't jump JC. And not Chris, cause he's pissing me off with this stupid bet thing."

Joey grins. "So, basically just me or Lance?"

"Lance is a sexy motherfucker." Justin smirks and straddles Joey. "But he's in Houston or something. So, you win. And really, you're a very sexy motherfucker, too."

Joey says, "Thank you" and sits up, grabbing Justin's face with his hands as he pulls him into a kiss. And that's fucking awesome, it's been so long and maybe even never since Justin did this kind of thing with someone the same height as him. Joey pulls him down and they kiss for a really long time. Justin likes the faint stubble on Joey's face, the scratch against his chin and cheeks. Joey's hands move up and down Justin's back and it's comforting and hot at the same time. And that's pretty much Joey in a nutshell, Justin thinks, comforting and hot.

They're still kissing as Joey pushes off Justin's t-shirt and eases down his jeans. Justin wiggles out of his boxers. It's harder to get Joey naked but Justin's eager and Joey's willing and they only stop kissing once or twice. It's slow and somehow not a tease but more like a part of the good stuff. Justin doesn't want to rush.

But they're both naked and Justin can feel Joey's erection against his own and now things need to speed up. Justin sits up and smoothes his hands over Joey's stomach. "I want," he says, "I want you to fuck me, because it's really been a long time and I don't do that with people I don't trust. And I really want you to."

Joey says, "Okay, okay." Joey laughs and puts his hands on Justin's waist. He moves Justin onto his back. Justin starts to say something and Joey kisses him quiet. Justin likes that, Joey heavy on his chest. Joey sits up and says, "Timberlake, Timberlake. I got what you want now, now let me do this right." Joey stands up and pats Justin's thigh. He disappears into the bathroom, comes back with the stuff. Justin grins, and sits back.

It's not as slow as before, but it's still not fast and Justin is starting to want fast. Or forever, because Joey spreads Justin's legs and while his hands are busy stroking Justin's dick and the other is slowly moving in and out, getting Justin ready and making him whimper at the same time, Joey kisses Justin, leans down against him and it's all too hot. And not hot enough. Justin's quivering and waiting and then Joey sits back and pushes Justin's leg against his chest and thrusts in hard and fast. Justin thinks he'll come just from that and he closes his eyes and claws at the sheets.

Joey thrusts in and pulls out and back in again and fuck, it's so fucking great. A nice slow build and Justin feels like every nerve in his body is alive and happy and sending happy signals of sexsexsexsexGOODsex to his brain. Joey thrusts hard and Justin moans out loud and comes. Like a fucking tidal wave he feels to his toes and back up again. Joey grunts and sighs and he's done, too. He pulls out and Justin rubs his face with his hands, stretches his legs and then Joey's back against his side. Justin opens his eyes and kisses Joey, says, "You're amazing at that."

Joey smiles, his eyes soft and he pulls the covers over the two of them. He says, "Takes two to be amazing, J," and Justin falls asleep against his chest.

Justin wakes up early but Joey is already up and gone. He hears noises from the living room and Joey's singing to Brianna as he feeds her breakfast. Justin smiles because that's an easy sound to wake up to and takes his shower and dresses before walking out. He wants to kiss Joey but Brianna is a year old and he thinks he'll wait on that maybe. Joey grins up at him and says, "We got a plane to catch. We need to head out soon, like in an half hour soon."

Justin bites his lip and feels sad. "Okay. You got something to eat?"

Joey stands up and says, "She did, I can get food on the plane. Nice private planes, man."

Justin says, "Oh. Okay."

They run around and pack all of Brianna's things and then it's time to go and Joey's standing at the door. Justin hugs Joey hard, kisses him quickly and says, "It was so good to see you."

"You'll be back before you know it. And you'll have won the bet, man." Joey's smile is a little sad.

Justin says, "I'm so over him, man, I could come home now."

Joey sighs. He says, "That's not what it's about, Justin. Seriously." They say good-bye again and fuck, Justin starts missing him two minutes later.

He's watching the kid videos Brianna didn't watch the night before a few hours later when Hallie knocks on the door. She smiles and says, "Who was the hot guy you were kissing good-bye? The guy from two weeks ago?"

"No, that was Alan. Alan got transferred to Austin. That was Joey. Joey, Joey has potential." Justin flicks off the video.

Hallie grins. "Here's the thing. I don't know if you want. But. Next weekend, or really, well, Saturday morning. Six days from now. Me and Hank have tickets to that benefit in San Francisco? At the Shoreline. Lawn tickets. We have three. And three plane tickets. Except our friend Keelie cancelled. She had a family emergency. So, if you have $120, and you want, you can come with us. And be in San Fran for the weekend. We were all going to stay at my friend's house and it would be cool."

Justin thinks, huh. And he'd have to show his ID. He says, "Yeah, sure, I'd love to," before he thinks any further. Hallie squeals and he writes her a check.

He calls Chris, because Chris is annoying him with this stupid bet farce and he's so over JC and he should just go home but he does miss Chris. Justin says, "I'm flying to San Fran next weekend, just for the weekend, am I gonna get arrested when I show them this fake ID?"

Chris says, "Uh, good question. Let me, give me a minute." Justin can hear Chris put down the phone, pick up another one and some "hmms," and "yeah, but" and then Chris picks up the phone again and says to Justin, "It'll be fine. Don't carry illegal things, you know. You'll be fine. It's a really good fake ID."

"Did Lance get that? Does he have underworld connections now?" Justin laughs.

"J, I don't ask. You know, it's Lance. He has SEE-crets." Chris keeps him on the phone for another hour and Justin is slightly less annoyed with Chris about the stupid bet.

Monday morning is the scariest of his entire time in Portland. He's at the gym and he looks up and there's this girl, long hair in a ponytail, glasses, carrying a Sports Illustrated and she's wearing a t-shirt from the tour. From the Celebrity Tour. Justin can't stop watching her, because he knows he's done for. Sure the glasses work a little and all of those items about Justin Timberlake being in Europe or Asia this week but he's wearing shorts and he doesn't just look like Justin Timberlake, he has Justin's exact tattoos on his calf.

She doesn't look up once, just reads her magazine and spends forty minutes on the stair-climber. Justin is panting and he skips the weights and goes straight to the locker room and books out of the gym. It's just frightening because she'll say something, her friends will all say something and then he won't be able to go anywhere.

At work, during his break, he thinks it's maybe even a good thing because even Chris would let him come home if Justin were found out. But he wants to go to San Francisco, he doesn't want to be found out just yet.

As he heads back from break, Jennifer grabs him and says, "Justin, I'm sorry. I didn't think when I saw you with your friend, and I just. I mean, he knows you're, uh?"

Justin grins. "Joey knows I'm gay, it was totally fine. But thanks for asking."

Jennifer says, "Oh, okay. Yeah, and really, it's not like I've asked you, I just thought you and Alan and yes." She starts laughing. "Okay, we're good."

The week goes fast again. Phil, he discovers, loves baseball as much as he loves punk and they talk about sports sometimes. Phil's a good guy, Justin thinks, but he's pretty sure Phil is also aware that Justin's gay and isn't okay with it. It's just a vibe but it makes him feel better that he and Phil can talk about something.

He's started to recognize people on the bus, the one he takes in the morning to the gym, the one he takes home. There's the woman he thinks is slightly retarded who carries a green box and always walks straight to the back of bus and sits in the middle of the last row of seats. A guy who wears a military styled jacket and tucks whatever book he's reading into the strap of his messenger bag. A girl in sweats who's spent the entire month reading a thick paperback with an orange sun on the cover. Justin reads his murder mysteries on the bus, puts on his CD Walkman and watches the city go by.

He's doing fine with money, he pays his bills on time and he's completely convinced that this whole "living on $600 a week" thing is a farce, they're just trying to give him space to get over JC. It's completely worked, even though he loves JC, he still does, but he gets it, they're over. He's fine with it.

Saturday morning he gets up very early and meets up with Hallie and Hank downstairs. It's too early to even talk, Justin thinks, but he sips the coffee Hallie bought him and grunts when they talk to him. The guys know better than to try to talk him when he has to get up this early, they learned a long time ago. The airport is busy, even that early. He walks through security and thinks, don't freak, don't look suspicious, don't freak. The security woman just glances at the ID and he gets through okay.

They're taking Southwest, and it's a fucking cattle call. The seats are small, and it's really been ages since Justin wasn't in first class or something chartered. He's not spoiled, he thinks, but it's really fucking hard to get comfortable. Hank is 6'4" so the two of them exchange glances of sympathy. The flight is crowded and they can't spread out at all. Only an hour and a half or something, but Justin thinks it feels even longer. Finally, finally they land and they're walking through the Oakland airport and Justin keeps his head down. Airports are where you get recognized, he knows that, and he has no security. None. He sighs and feels better when he gets outside and Hallie is waving to the friends they're going to the show with.

They get brunch at a Denny's and go to the venue. Justin can't remember if he's ever been to Shoreline before. He knows NSYNC have never played it. They're on the lawn and they get there early enough, they're one of the first people on the lawn and they set up their blanket right at the front of the lawn, by the fences separating the lawn from the seats. It's another two hours before the show will even start and Justin sits on the blanket while Hallie and Hank and all their friends start talking about shows they've seen there.

It's already getting crowded on the lawn and Justin's just pissed. Depressed, maybe. It's a big crowd and he just needs one person to say one thing. He could ditch everyone and he knows if he walked down to the VIP entrance he'd find someone, he could get in. He could be somewhere safe, with people he's met. He only knows half the bands playing but he's sure. He could get the fuck out of dodge.

Right now, he thinks, no one is looking. And he looks behind him at the crowd and looks forward at the nearly empty seats in front of the stage and no one's looking. No one's been looking for the last four weeks. He hasn't been found.

He hasn't been recognized. And not because he's failed or something like that, not like in some nightmare of his future where everything sucks, but because Chris and Joey set all this up so he could get over JC. He hasn't been recognized.

He's smiling. No one can see him. In this huge crowd and no one can see him. JC always said you could do things like that, just ditch the bodyguards and walk somewhere where no one thought you would be, but Justin never believed him. He thinks. He thinks of the girls who've run at him or the way people scream when they see him and he never believed. But he's actually. He's actually safe here. No one has recognized him. He thinks, if he's careful, no one will. No one will notice him.

He's smiling and his face is gonna break. It's so bright in the sun and there are so many people around them. It's fucking beautiful. He sits up and puts his arm around Hallie. She's talking to Hank, they're trying to remember some song. Hank grins at him and says, "Don't you -- have you listened to that CD we made you buy?"

Justin says, "No, I haven't, but I will. I swear."

He sits between Hallie and Hank as they reconstruct the lyrics and Hank sings and Hallie sings and it's not that hard to figure out and Justin sings along after the first time. The three of them in this crowd of people and Justin sings, 'viva the skaters under the Burnside Bridge, Viva Portland.' So many people around and no one notices the three of them singing, 'swing on, they swing on.' Justin is laughing and singing and it's the most beautiful afternoon. One of Hallie's friends says Justin has a nice voice and he just ducks his head and says, "Maybe."

He stands up and bums a smoke off one of Hallie's friends. He turns around and the lawn is packed, people sitting in tight groups on blankets, looking down at the empty stage. He lights the cigarette and starts walking, he walks up the aisle in a tight single file and he smiles at everyone who looks up, smiles at all of them. Then he's out in the concession area and he just stands. People drift by and he just stands, no one stops to look at him. It's so amazing. He feels completely safe. He walks up one side and then back and no one looks and there are so many people around.

They thought, they were idiots. They thought he needed this space to get over JC and he's so fine, instead he gets this. No one notices him and he goes back to the lawn, sits back with Hallie and Hank and the concert starts. They're there for ten hours, eight different acts and Justin leans on the fence and sings along when he can. No one can hear him, it's the most fun ever, almost.

They drift back to the car, throngs of people around them and Justin openly gawks. He never gets to people watch, and everyone is tired and bouncing and carrying blankets and leaning on their friends. Everyone is beautiful, he thinks, when they're not looking at you, and he thinks he should tell JC.

He sleeps on a floor and rolls over in the morning, puts his glasses back on and makes himself coffee. He cleans the sink and the coffeemaker and the girl whose apartment they're all in comes in and says, "Wow. You didn't have to, at all."

Justin smiles and says, "My momma would kill me if I didn't. She would find out and she would kill me."

They fly home and Justin stares out the window as the bus takes them back to their apartment. Such a pretty city. 'Viva the skaters under the Burnside Bridge,' he sings.

He goes out every night that week. He's so free and he doesn't want to waste a moment. He grabs Hallie as soon as he gets home from work on Monday and says, "We're going to go out to eat and we're going to talk about boys!" And he goes on for a while about JC and Hallie nods and listens. When he's done she says some things about her ex and it's incredibly nice. She won't be selling this to the Enquirer, she isn't a reporter, she has no agenda except that she likes him. It's kinda amazing to talk like that with someone outside the group or his family.

He goes to a movie with Jennifer on Tuesday night, some chick flick she can't convince her husband to see. They both get popcorn and they sit right in the middle of the theater. She drives him home and talks about her husband and Justin grins and listens. He likes seeing movies like that.

Wednesday night he goes to see some arty movie with Hank at the same theater where he went with Alan. He's not sweating at all as they go in. It's a collection of shorts and black and white and Justin doesn't think he gets it at all. Hank loves it and he's talking about it like JC talks about Sting as they walk out. Hank turns to him and says, "Did you like it?"

And it's not an interview, it doesn't matter and he just tells the truth. "I don't think I got it, I didn't get exactly what was going on there." Hank explains a little and Justin thinks it was a little weird but it's still fun.

Thursday night he goes back to the club where he went with Alan. He dances all night and kisses a boy again. The boy's hand is already tugging at Justin's jeans and Justin thinks of Joey, thinks he can do whatever wants, take this boy home if he wanted and it would all be fine. He thinks of Joey again and breaks off the kiss. He goes back to dance.

Friday night, he takes Hallie and Hank to the movie theater down the street that shows second run movies and has food and beer. They drink just enough and laugh too loudly and walk home singing the song about Portland and Justin throws up his arms and shimmies on the corner of 39th and Hawthorne as the cars speed by. Because no one will see and he laughs and drapes over Hallie and it's just wonderful.

He only has one week left. He walks around his apartment and looks at his pictures again. Joey and Chris sent him here to get over JC and that was really sweet but this part, this part where he's so free to do anything he wants and say what he wants and no one's watching. A lovely side-effect. He's never had this, really, he didn't think he would until he was washed up and a nobody and then it wouldn't be sweet, really.

He calls JC, because he hasn't yet. JC says, "Hey, where, uh, where are you? Are you in Hong Kong?"

Justin laughs. "Man, they didn't, no. I'm in Portland."

"Oregon or Maine?" JC's voice seems loud and Justin thinks he's just been remembering it for the last few weeks and the real thing is somehow different.

"Oregon," Justin says. "I've been here the whole time. It's been nice, really nice. I'll, uh, when I get home I'll explain but it's been really nice. Because, uh, Joey and Chris tricked me into being out here, they thought, I think. You know."

"Oh," JC says. He's quiet for a little while and Justin knows to wait. "Us, huh?"

"Yeah," Justin says. He's sitting on the floor of his kitchen, looking at the white refrigerator. "Yeah, that. But it's okay. You know? It's okay now, it's okay."

"Good," JC says firmly. "I mean, I know, uh, yeah. I want it to be good and okay for both of us."

"It is, man. Totally okay. And that's good." Justin smiles. JC laughs and they say goodbye and it's all fine now.

He starts running down by the river. Every other day for his last week in Portland. He never gets to do that, he's always being followed by bodyguards or it's just unfeasible. But not here and he jogs by the Willamette. He goes to the gym the other days and he sees the girl who wore the tour t-shirt every day but she never looks up.

He stays in and watches videos Monday and Tuesday, and Wednesday he just walks up and down Hawthorne and no one talks him and he window shops at the record stores and the little antique stores. It's really nice, he thinks, being alone out in public.

Joey, he knows, is coming on Saturday and they're leaving together on Sunday morning. He's won the bet, he never used his own credit card that he found tucked in one of his suitcases, but he knows that wasn't the point. It's been the best vacation of his life, he thinks. He wouldn't trade these last two weeks of freedom and anonymity for anything.

He gets up early on Friday and goes to the gym for the last time. He waves to the guy behind the counter as he leaves and thinks he should have bought a camera. He's being transferred, that's what everyone's heard but he hasn't really been there that long for a party or anything. He buys doughnuts and pastries and leaves them in the break room at the office with an unsigned note about how it's for everyone. Phil figures out that Justin did it, pulls him aside during break. He says, "You're a good kid, you know?"

Justin says, "Thanks."

Phil says, "I never knew someone up close who was like you. I mean, you know, like you are with being, uh, gay. You're a good kid, it was really nice working with you."

Justin smiles. He says, "Thanks, man. I'd offer to hug you good-bye, but, we'll take this one step at a time, okay?"

Phil laughs and Justin hugs him anyway.

Jennifer gives him a card and a box of chocolates, and he hugs her good-bye as well. He takes the bus home and stands in the back, watches the city moving past him through the door. He listens to the CD with the song on it, and sings along under his breath. Viva Portland.

Friday night he goes out to dinner with Hallie and Hank and then he's home and he goes to sleep. He told them he was really lousy about keeping in touch and he's transferring to far away. He feels bad about it, he's going to miss them. And they nodded and said it was great knowing him, and he felt worse.

When he wakes up, Joey is already knocking on the door. Joey says they can't leave, really, because they need to get things ready. They pack up the things Justin wants to keep, mostly clothes and books. In the afternoon, Justin sits on his heels in the bathroom and Joey dyes his hair blond again, no more of his natural hair color. It feels really nice, Joey's hands running gently over his head. He kinda misses Brianna but it's nice to just have Joey, too.

Dinner they just sit and Justin gets up to look out the window. From his bedroom window he can look out and see almost to the river on clear nights. Joey follows him back to the bedroom and Justin keeps looking out the window. He says, "You know. I got it, that this bet was just a set-up. And it worked, okay, I'm over him, I'm fine. But there was this part, I don't. The best part, man, it took me a while to realize it, but, yeah. I had, uh, I had anonymity."

Joey makes a noise and Justin turns around. Joey's smiling. He says, "That's, Justin, that's what we wanted. It was a gift."

Justin says, "A gift? I don't. What?"

Joey laughs a little and looks down at his hands. "A gift. For your birthday, really, but we couldn't get the timing worked out. Me and Chris, and Lance helped obviously. We wanted you to have that, without it being all bad. Just for once, walk in a crowd and not be mobbed. And yeah, Chris thought of the bet idea cause if we just told you." Joey looks up and smiles at Justin. "It didn't, it didn't really have anything to do with JC."

Justin says, "Oh." He looks over his shoulder at the city again. He says, "Thanks. Seriously."

Justin talks about his new friends and the concert in San Francisco and Joey smiles and nods. It's late, they have to leave early, and Justin says, "Let's go to bed now, okay?"

Joey looks up from the floor and wipes his mouth. He says, "You wanna do that again?"

Justin, "Hell yes," and smirks. So they fuck again and it's just as good as the last time, maybe even better.

They take another chartered plane home and it's all the same as soon as Justin gets off the plane. Something's leaked, there are photographers, he waves his hand to someone and looks down and puts on his sunglasses and the bodyguards steer him and Joey to the limo. Back to normal, but it's okay, Justin thinks it's okay. It feels normal.

Lance shows up for one day and they have a party. Justin asks him how he got that job for him in Portland. Lance says, "Uh. Really, it's a friend of my uncle. I, uh, I told him you were an actor, for a movie?" Lance laughs. "He told me you were great, by the way. I mean, you earned that raise you got."

Justin explains everything to JC about how he ended up in Portland and JC falls over laughing. "You -- quality control? You were staring at some computer screen for six weeks?"

"I got a raise, man. I was good at it," Justin says loudly.

"Well, it sounds really interesting. Seriously, man, it sounds like really interesting." JC hugs him. Later Justin tries to find Joey but he and Chris are engrossed in conversation about something and Lance is about to leave and the party is over.

A week after he's home, Justin goes over to Joey's house. Joey answers the door holding Brianna. Justin walks in and takes Brianna from Joey's arms. She laughs and bats her hand against his neck, a little love-tap.

Justin says, "Hey, you. I just wanted --"

Joey waves him upstairs. "It's time for her nap, man, let's take her upstairs." It takes a little while to convince Brianna to even try to fall asleep and she whines and cries a little when they leave the room.

Joey leans against the doorway to his bedroom, the door open and Justin can see the unmade bed inside. Joey says, "What's up, J?"

Justin says, "I wanted to say thank you again. It was a really great gift. You and Chris, that was a really good idea."

Joey says, "Yeah. I'm glad you liked it. We just thought, I thought. You never had that stuff, you know? I thought it would be cool and Chris thought of the bet part and I thought that would never work but you fell for it."

Justin says, "You got me a really good birthday present, though. I mean, not the bet thing, but before that."

"Well, the logistics of your schedule. And back then, it felt a little, I dunno, presumptuous. Maybe not my place, then." Joey looks down and Justin thinks, if it were Lance, he'd be blushing.

"Oh. Were you thinking things?" Justin can't help smiling. "Were you eyein' someone's boyfriend?"

Joey laughs. "Maybe. Maybe I was. But hey, you guys -- he broke up with you the next day so I didn't feel so bad about it."

Justin moves closer. Just a step. "It's okay, you know. I mean, I don't mind now."

Joey looks up and takes a step away from the bedroom door. Just a step and he's just a little closer. "You had your rebound guy, right?" He's smiling, too, not lascivious, not like he's planning something, just like he's happy.

Justin says, "Yeah. Over that, rebound done. Ready to move on. Maybe even got my eye on someone."

Joey says, "Good," and takes a step closer. And then they're eye to eye and Justin can smell the baby powder on Joey's hands. Comforting and hot, he thinks.

Justin says, "I'm really grateful. And more than that. So, you know --" and he maybe had more to say after that but then Joey's kissing him and Joey's hands are on his waist pulling him back to the bedroom and it probably wasn't that important.

THE END

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