NOTES AND DISCLAIMERS: Part of *Nsoap which Younger and I plotted out ages ago, this is part of many stories. Happy Hanukkah to my favorite Sandy. Thanks to Jae W, Kel and Katie. All mistakes are mine. So completely made up.

LIFETIMES BEFORE

Chris stepped from behind the camera and glared. "Cut that shit out, Justin. Right now."

Justin looked up from the couch. "I'm just acting. Doing my job."

Lance sat down on the blue chair and rubbed his temple. Lance was wishing for a cigarette, Chris thought. Chris wished for a donut. Hell, he didn't have to look pretty for the camera. Chris said, "Justin, you're grateful to officer James. Your brother's boyfriend. Grateful."

"I'm playing grateful." Justin smirked.

"Grateful is not fuck me looks. James will be patting your shoulder at the end of the scene, not bending you over the couch and taking you right there." Chris got back behind the camera.

Justin rolled his eyes. He stood up and Lance hauled himself up and they did it again. Perfect, of course, without Justin's looks. Justin only pulled this crap when Chris was directing.

The last two scenes of the day were quickies, short things with JC and Lance. "Josh" and "James" and didn't the producers love to pat themselves on the back about being the only soap with an actual gay couple. And played by two actual queer actors. It made Chris tired, all the self-congratulation. Chris sighed and ran over the notes he had, notes from everyone else. Allowed to kiss, sometimes with tongue, but not too much. Nothing too suggestive because the one extremely toned down love scene they'd even gotten to do with these two had lost them two more sponsors. So a story about a gay couple, but carefully circumscribed. To make sure no one was offended.

It was the easiest thing in the world to shoot JC. Chris could do it in his sleep and he was pretty sure he did. He sometimes remembered his dreams and when he woke up sticky sweet happy, he didn't have to push to guess the subject matter.

Quick and easy. Ten minutes after they were done, Chris went back to make-up. He sat next to JC, listened to JC on the phone. Another interview. JC said, "Yeah, man, it's been really great. Everyone's been super-supportive and I know there's been some strain. But I think, uh, you know, that's what soaps do well. You know, so many cutting edge things, you see 'em on soaps first."

JC winked at Chris. He moved the phone while the make-up woman cleaned his face. Then he moved the phone back and said, "Yeah. No, I'm not dating Lance. He's a great guy, but we're both single. We're really good friends, but that's all." Another pause. "No, I'm not seeing anyone. It's okay. Man, I just came out, really, you know? It's like, wrapping my head around all that."

Another long pause. Then JC said, "It was good talking to you, too. Have a great day!" JC smiled and waved as he closed the phone. He stood up and said, "Chris." Another wide smile.

Chris said, "You're really not dating Lance? You'd be so cute. Not even once?"

JC laughed. "No, I'm very much not. Not even once. Fuck, I was out last night, met this hot guy and he's all, dude, I don't do cheating. It's almost funny. Almost."

"Who doesn't do cheating? What's up with the kids today?"

"I know," JC said and threw up his hands. He patted Chris on the shoulder and left the room.

*

Chris drove home to his simple little apartment. He made enough for better, but his extra all went home, back to his mom. Chris didn't need much. He'd started to make dinner, warm up something frozen from the microwave when Justin knocked. Chris didn't even peek out the window before opening the door.

"You've been here every weekend for the last six months, don't you have other people to harass?"

Justin flopped down on the couch. "I do, man, but you're my favorite."

"Haven't found Lance's home address yet?"

"Oh, I have it." Justin toed off his sneakers and sat down in front of the TV. He pulled out the Playstation and started fiddling. "You ever gonna get this fixed? See, two years ago, man, your video games would have all been working. Was that all Dani?"

"The xbox works fine. I'm not as obsessed as you are. Also, not as well paid. So, why not drive by Lance's house? Throw rocks through the window with your nekkid pictures wrapped around them?" Chris sat down on the couch and ate his Budget Gourmet. He thought about having a second one after this. Maybe not, save his girlish figure.

"No, I'm not that stupid. I'm subtle. Really." Justin bent over the controller and reached for the screwdriver by the TV. Chris had a full kit.

"You're the definition of subtle. Have you thought about just asking him out?"

Justin grunted. "Well, no. It's about the adventure. 'Sides, he needs to ask me out."

"Maybe you're just not his type." Chris had finished his lasagna and he put the empty container on the floor by the couch.

"Oh, I'm his type. Just, you know timing's been wrong. When he started, you know, I was all Nick, Nick, Nick and then I was in trouble and he was big breakthrough star. Timing. Now it's perfect and he just needs to notice the hotness of me." Justin slapped the screwdriver on the floor. "Fuck, man, you need to get this fixed."

"Xbox works."

Justin turned around and moved. Moved right between Chris's legs and rested his hands on Chris's hips. Either side of his crotch. "Or something else."

Chris put his hands on Justin's shoulders. He didn't push. "Bad idea. Just like when you were nineteen."

"Why?"

"I'm not. Justin. You're my friend. Buddy. Not. Okay, this time I don't have a girlfriend and neither do you. But."

"You don't wanna?" Justin licked his lips. It was probably completely unconscious.

"Oh, I wouldn't say that. But."

"You writing someone else love poems?" Justin smiled.

"More like limericks, but."

Justin shifted forward. "That's why they call it fuckbuddies, man." Chris looked down and smiled.

"You swear? You're a good buddy."

"I swear. We're hot for other people. And yet, you are hot. I am hot. Neither of us are getting' any. Why pass up the possibility of hot sex on the side?" Justin started undoing Chris's pants.

"Um. When you put it that way ..."

Justin kept his promises. Great sex for sure. Chris didn't understand what Justin wanted him for when he could get anyone, but he wasn't about to complain. And somehow, unlike every other experience Chris had ever had with fuckbuddies, it really was okay. They were still great friends, and there wasn't weirdness.

One Saturday morning, Justin paced, naked, in Chris's bedroom. He said, "I've figured out the Lance thing. Did I tell you that?"

"He doesn't want your fine ass? He's not actually gay?"

"No, no, of course not. He's got a JC problem. You know?"

Chris sat up and looked at his stomach. Folds and folds and he was almost fat. Maybe. In comparison to Justin. And JC and Lance and even Joey. But Chris didn't have to be hot. "You think?"

"I absolutely think. He had the hots for JC. Understandable, if predictable. You know, JC is really hot. And you know, Lance, working with him. And JC, he's not into Lance. So Lance is all bitter. Or something. Anyway, so I need to break down Lance's resistance." Justin stopped and smiled. "Don't you think?"

Chris stood up and resisted the urge to grab for a blanket to cover himself. They'd been having sex for six weeks and he wasn't some stupid girl. "Sounds like a plan, J."

Justin followed Chris into the living room. "Yo, man, show me some of your porn. Come on, show me some of your porn."

"I don't have anything you don't, dude." Chris sat down on the couch. "Seriously."

"Yes, you do. You have directed by Chris Kirkpatrick porn I've been dying to see."

Chris rolled his eyes. "It's not that good. I was sixteen, seventeen, eighteen. I was a sucky director."

"Someday you'll show me?" Justin sat down next to Chris and rubbed his thigh.

"You can't convince me with sex."

"Can we have sex again anyway?" Justin moved over and straddled Chris. "Cause you turn me on something fierce."

"Crazy boy." Chris sat up and kissed Justin.

*

Chris had a tiny office. He had a picture of his mother up, his sisters. One picture of himself behind the camera from the first episode he directed. He had up a cast and crew photo from three years ago, just because he was standing next to JC. Justin was on his other side, making a stupid face.

Lance came in and sat down without knocking. "Chris. You and Justin, you guys are doing it, right?"

Chris sat back. "Hey, Lance, how are you? How's life treating you?"

"Come on, fuck off. He's driving me nuts. And I was just hoping you and Justin actually had something going on. Because maybe then he might stop." Lance stood up and tapped the picture. Over and over again on Justin's face.

"Well, we're not. We're just friends. There might be benefits involved, but it's nothing. He's not mine. He wants to be yours, get over it. Really, who wouldn't want to screw him? I don't know why you're resisting." Chris smirked.

"I'm. He's nuts, you know? I don't think he's that attractive."

"Okay, really? Can you say that with a straight face?"

"Whatever. Well, could you up your benefits or something? Because I want him off my back." Lance turned and walked out the door. He stood there for a second and then said, "Seriously. I'm very much not interested."

"You want me to make the bad man stop?" Chris laughed.

"No, I'm a fucking adult, I'm perfectly capable of saying no. I was just hoping it would stop." Lance walked out.

"Stupid fucker," Chris muttered, "he so wants Justin." Then he giggled and went back to marking notes on his script.

JC walked in twenty minutes later. He'd been stopping by randomly lately, in the last few weeks. He said, "Hey, man, what you doing?"

"Going over notes, making plans." Chris sat back and watched JC pace.

"Yeah?"

"You bored?" Chris rubbed his goatee.

"A little." JC smiled. "Not, um, now. Not now that I'm talking to you. But, yeah."

Chris shook his head. "Okay, so now I need to entertain you?"

JC blushed and looked down. "Yes. Like, tell me something important about you. Like, if you could direct anything, what, I mean, movie? Like from a book or something?"

"Ah, getting to know you questions. Don't you know me by now?" Chris smirked. He hadn't really meant to say that.

"I know you pretty well." JC laughed. "Answer the question anyway, and I'll answer, too." JC sat down on the floor.

Chris inhaled. "I guess. Huh. Did you ever read any Tim O'Brien? The Things They Carried, that book. I dunno how it would work, but I'd love to try. You know?"

"Yeah, yeah, totally. I, yeah, totally. I'd want, you know, not to direct, but I'd love to do anything in a movie of Anil's Ghost, that book by Michael Ondaatje. You know, he wrote the English Patient."

Chris nodded. "That's a great movie. I haven't read the book. But it's a great movie."

"Yeah. It's a good book, but I like Anil's Ghost best. It's so beautiful and real and poetic. There's so much happening it. And I read somewhere, I think; Ondaatje didn't even know what would happen when he started it. And I love that, that it was almost accidental."

JC laughed. "Except there really isn't a part for me in the book. No matter how you adapted it. But I could be, uh, something. I'd be an extra. I really love that book." JC was looking up, interested, involved. He was almost glowing. Chris wished he could make JC look like that and then he stopped wishing.

"You'd be a good extra, I bet."

"I just, you know, I'd really like to be part of something like that, man. But, I really love this, too." JC waved his hand at the rest of the studio.

"I don't want to leave soaps. You know, I don't want to do movies. I like what we do. God, when I started -- I don't know that I've worked with a better director than Clark Johnson. Remember him?"

"He was amazing. I watch all these stupid shows, just because he directed one episode." JC sat up straighter. "I'm not ashamed to work on a soap. I'm proud. I think we do great work. Really. And as an actor, I couldn't ask for a better place, I mean, man, I get to, uh, I get to do so much. So many stories. And I work with great actors. Really great actors."

Chris said, "Totally. Okay, except for Madonna."

JC laughed. "She has a lot of charisma."

"She has charisma, but." Chris laughed. "I know, she's been on the show since it started, she's our Susan Lucci, but she can't act for shit."

JC laughed and his face did that crinkle up thing where his eyes almost disappeared. He choked out, "I know. I know! I always have to remember when I'm working with her, you know, not to act too much so she doesn't look bad." JC clutched his stomach and fell over, still laughing. "She's just so bad!"

Chris said, "But you're great, man."

JC shook his head. "I'm good enough. But you, you're a great director."

"I'm good enough." Chris winked. JC stood up and patted Chris's shoulder.

"No, you're great." JC leaned down and kissed Chris's cheek. "You're really great, man." Then he was gone.

*

Chris sat naked on the couch. Justin was next to him, slurping up the last of his cereal, naked as well. Chris said, "When did my apartment become some clothes-free zone?"

"When you and me started getting our ultra-hot freak on, man." Justin smirked. "So, did I tell you I got Lance to have lunch with me?"

"Did you strap him to the table?"

"No, I did not. God bless Johnny, you know, I am so in love with this 'Jay goes to the police academy and trains under James storyline.' Seriously. It's my dream come true."

"He's so going to change it if you keep up that shit. They're getting letters, you know. People are writing wondering if they're gonna make Jay gay, too, and if he's trying to steal James from his own brother." Chris poked Justin's thin thigh.

"I can't tone down natural chemistry. I'd be stoked if Jay were gay, man. Did you see? They're trying to fix me up with that new girl, what's her name? Jenna? Fuck, I hate that new writer Johnny's got. Bonnie, man, I hate that bitch."

"She loves you, man, she's writing lots of Jay stories, I wouldn't complain."

"Yeah, whatever." Justin put his bowl down by the couch. "Man, tell me about your porn days. Tell me, tell me." Justin grinned and leaned against Chris's shoulder.

"It's not that exciting."

"Tell me anyway. I'm your bestest friend."

Chris sighed and shifted on the couch. He patted Justin's fuzzy head. "So, my mom moves us all to here. Southern California. And I need a job. And the guy two doors down, he's got a busy house. Lots of coming and going. So I stop by and we rap, and then he basically offers me a job. He wants me to be in the damn movies and I tell him I'm sixteen. So he says, instead, I can help him direct. And then I had a job."

"That easy? He recognized your potential?" Justin brought up his legs. Practically snuggling.

"Well, it's what I wanted to do. Direct. Since --"

"Since you saw Hill Street Blues while you were up babysitting for your sister. I've heard that part. Keep going about the porn."

"Okay, okay. So, you know, when I knew he made movies, I was already figuring out how to angle for the job. So, you know, I did it for a few years, and I had a fake ID so we could list me on the credits, you know, assistant director. And even when the guy moved, I just, you know, took the bus to get to his new place. And I met a bunch of people, and one of the other directors, after I started directing, when I was seventeen, one of the other directors; he decided to go more legit. And he started doing commercials, and he hired me over and over again as his AD. And thus I stopped doing porn."

"So, did you like it? It sounds hot, you know, hot guys, doing each other, right in front of you." Justin started trailing his finger up and down Chris's chest. It felt nice.

"Eh. It gets kind of boring. Plus, I was, you know, thinking about my craft."

"Seriously? You never did it with one of the actors?"

"I didn't say that." Chris smirked.

"Were you ever one of the actors?" Justin leaned over and licked Chris's neck. Fucking horny kid. Chris wasn't really going to complain.

"Okay, don't tell. Swear?"

"Swear." Justin sat up, grinning. "Can we watch it?"

"Look, man, my mother doesn't know. She knows I directed the porn, but I only acted once. And she wasn't too happy about the directing. You swear? Never leaves this apartment?"

Justin nodded. Chris stood up and got the video from the box under his DVDs. "You know, I was eighteen here. I was totally at my peak hotness."

"Eh, bullshit." Chris put the video in and sat down next to Justin. He fast-forwarded pass the first twenty minutes.

"This is my part. I only did it because Puffy, Puffy was the guy in charge, the one I worked for, and he had an actor call in sick. And he was really excited, you know, the whole uncut thing." Chris patted Justin's head again.

Justin started laughing. "Dude. You were the pizza guy! Who wrote this? You're the fucking pizza boy."

Chris watched on the screen while the two other actors took the pizza box and started stripping him. "Puffy wrote everything. You know, "wrote." It wasn't, like, actual plots."

Chris had been so skinny. Thin, fit. He was okay now, maybe, but back then he was very hot.

Justin said, "You're hotter now."

"You're smoking crack."

"So not." Justin ran his hand up and down Chris's thigh. "I like a guy who looks like he's eaten in a few days. You've got, like, character now. And I don't mean that in some condescending fake way. I mean it like, you're hotter now. Most people are, don't you think? Hotter when they're older?"

"I definitely think that about twelve year olds, say. But come on." Chris waved at the screen. "Look at me!" On the screen, Chris was bent over, grunting, while he got rimmed by the really tall blond.

Justin said, "Eh. I'd rather look at you now." Justin got down on his knees, between Chris's legs. Justin's big hands, soft on Chris's thighs. "I'd rather do this now." Justin lowered his head. Justin had this mouth, his tongue wet and up and down and not quite on Chris's balls or dick but again, nothing to complain about. It was really fucking hot. Anticipation.

Chris rested his hands on Justin's head. One little bite, then sucking, right on his inner thigh, and right before Chris just about decided to say fuck anticipation, Justin dipped his head lower and took one of Chris's balls right in his mouth. Chris tried not to tug Justin's hair out. This was a fucking awesome Saturday morning.

It was surreal, Chris decided, looking down at incredibly hot Justin Timberlake sucking him off right there and looking up to see incredibly hot young Chris getting fucked and sucking dick on the screen.

*

One morning, Chris woke up, looked at himself in the mirror and thought, I'm hot. He had really nice eyes and Justin was right, character in his face. He was. Hot. He really was. He walked around his bedroom and found a picture of himself when he was eighteen. He carried it into the bathroom, looked down and looked at the mirror. He did look better now.

Stupid to realize it at thirty-one and not twenty-eight, or twenty-six. But he was hot. Right now.

At lunch, Justin was going on about the Lakers' prospects. Lance looked up from his food and said, "You. I bet you have a fantasy team, don't you?"

Justin frowned. "I do not. I'm a sports fan, I'm not some freaking nerd with my little rotisserie Lakers."

Lance said, "Oh, come on, admit it. You're among friends."

"Shut up. I don't do fantasy leagues. I just like the real thing."

JC said, "I bet he calls his team "Just JT's Team." He makes sure he always has Kobe, too." JC smirked.

Justin stood up. "That is so untrue. I would have a better name IF I had a team which I very much do not."

JC said, "We know that, Justin, it's okay, man. Sit down." He paused until Justin sat back down. "Of course you wouldn't have a fantasy team. You couldn't be on it." Lance and Chris cracked up while Justin rolled his eyes.

After a minute, Justin giggled. "Okay, fine. You've figured me out. But I really don't have a fantasy team. For serious."

Chris said, "You all have a scene in ten minutes. Make-up and stuff." He stood up and looked at himself briefly in the mirror by the door to the commissary. He looked good. Nice jeans, showed off his ass. His hair looked nice, too. Chris Kirkpatrick, peak hotness circa thirty-one. Who'da thought?

Justin said, "Fine. Fine." He glanced up at Chris. "You're really hot, dude. They should put you on the show."

"I'm a shitty actor, man. And who could compare to you three?" Chris looked back when he got to the door and JC was the only one watching him leave. Chris turned his head so he didn't have to make eye contact with JC.

*

There was a party to celebrate three straight years of being number one in the ratings. Everyone invited, actual good booze for once, a very nice hotel. Chris called his mom from the party and made her listen to the speech Johnny gave and the one Clive, the executive producer, made.

Then he got drunk and found himself out on the balcony smoking. A crappy clove cigarette the latest ingénue they'd tried to pair with Justin had given him. He turned from the view of the city and saw JC leaning against a wall. "Hey," he said and started coughing. He chucked the cigarette over the balcony.

"Don't do that." JC smiled, blissed out. Drunk, maybe. Or he'd found that new guy, Marshall, who was two weeks into playing a dangerous punk that James was trying to nail for extortion. Marshall always had good pot.

"Don't, um, don't what?"

"It's fire season. You shouldn't pitch lit cigarettes. Fires, you know? I live in the hills; sometimes you can see the really bad ones. Or I could, a few years ago." JC moved closer.

"Oh. But right below us, there's just the swimming pool. It'll be okay."

"Well, in that case." JC moved even closer, same blissful smile on his face.

Chris was hot. Justin was right. He could see himself in the glass of the balcony doors, sharp and dark. Sweet black shirt, hair spiked, eyes almost beautiful. So Chris could do this. He took a step and he was almost right up against JC. He put his hand on JC's neck and kissed him.

There should be words, Chris thought, for how perfect and sweet this was. He wasn't a writer, he was a director. There weren't words for JC pressed against him, the push of his lips and his tongue in Chris's mouth. Chris couldn't think. Except, JC was kissing him back.

Chris broke off the kiss. JC smiled and stepped back. Chris said, "Okay." He needed to think of more to say.

JC said, "We should, um. Not tonight."

"Not tonight? Uh." Chris stepped forward and his hand moved, snagged on the hem of JC's sleeve. He didn't let go.

"No, no. I mean, I'm stoned. Man, I'm wasted. I don't. I want to be there for, um. You know, after this." JC lifted his arm and grabbed Chris's hand. "I've been waiting."

"Oh." Chris blinked. "Okay. So you should call me."

"Definitely."

"Tomorrow. You should call me tomorrow." Chris smiled. It was okay.

JC leaned over and kissed Chris's cheek. Soft, almost not there. But Chris knew it. JC said, "I'll call you tomorrow."

*

Chris woke up when the phone rang. He picked up and thought, JC. Justin's voice said, "Yo, my red hot lover."

Chris said, "Fuck."

"Well, not yet. But come play basketball and then after."

Chris sighed and put down the phone. He rubbed his eyes. Then he picked the phone back up. "Okay. Dude, I just woke up, so I hope I don't say this in a bad way. But no more fucking. Okay?"

"Oh." Justin was quiet for a second. "Wait, are you mad at me? Are we fighting? Or just no more sex?"

"No more sex. Just buddies."

"Oh, okay. Dude, what happened?"

Chris smiled. "I'm waiting on a call. Okay? Let's just say that."

"So no basketball, either? Come on. You can bring your cell. I bet JC'll call you on your cell, anyway."

Chris sat up. "Did I say it was JC?"

"Did you say I was stupid? Hello, we've been having sex for months, and I've been your best friend for years. Dude, duh. JC's calling you? Did you kiss him yet? Get laid?"

"Gimme thirty minutes and I'll meet you at that court you like. We're not talking about this, you get me?"

It was a long, sweaty game. Justin gave no quarter, and Chris wasn't about to put up with Justin's shit. After two hours he pushed and Justin flopped to the ground. "You fouled me, fucker."

"You're a flopper. Fucking Emmy for that, dipshit."

"From your lips to the Academy's ears." Justin sighed and grabbed his towel. He started drying his hair.

"You have an Emmy, fuckhead." Chris grabbed the ball and sat down next to Justin. No call yet. But JC probably hadn't even woken up.

"I have a under 18 Emmy. A 'you're good for a KID' Emmy. Now I can't even get nominated. Fuck, I bet JC gets nominated." Justin stood up.

"Oh, you jealous? He had a great story." They walked to their cars.

"Fuck, yeah. He had a great story," Justin paused and leaned against his BMW. "He had a great story and he's gonna be fucking the hottest guy I know. Fucker." Justin grinned. "I hate him."

"I thought you thought Lance was the hottest guy you knew."

"Well, sure. You and Lance. But one of you I was actually having sex with. It's not, you know, I'm not saying this because I'm secretly in love with you or anything."

Chris squinted and looked up at Justin. "For serious, right?"

Justin rolled his eyes. "Dude, I love you. I am not in love with you. Certainly, if you hadn't been in love with JC for forever or something, there would be, you know, potential. But, you are and therefore I am focusing on co-hottest guy in the world."

"Okay, then." Chris kissed Justin's cheek and pinched his ass. He got in his car and drove home.

He puttered around his apartment and pretended he wasn't waiting for a call. Not at all. He cleaned everything, vacuumed, dusted and put things away. That took three hours. He turned on the Xbox and played three different games until the sun set. He called his mom. He didn't tell her anything. He knew she could tell something was up.

He went to bed at midnight. He knew JC would call. Not thinking negative thoughts. He was hot, that was for sure. He laughed as he fell asleep.

The phone rang at 4:34 am. Chris looked at his clock, bright green in the dark. The phone was ringing. Chris blinked and grabbed it. "Hello?"

"Chris!" JC sounded bright and awake.

"Hey, you."

"Oh, it's late. It's late, isn't it?" JC laughed.

"Actually it's early. It's Sunday now." Chris sat up. "But you called."

"Oh, totally. I'm going to be awake for another half hour. I'm so about to crash. But I wanted to call."

Chris said, "Come here and crash. It's about a half hour drive, I think. If you're home."

JC was quiet. Chris watched the clock blink and it was 4:38 am. JC said, "Okay. I'll be there soon."

Chris fell back asleep and didn't wake up until he heard the knocking at his door. He got up and walked to his door, opened it up and waved JC in. They didn't speak. JC followed him back to the bedroom and climbed in under the covers after toeing off his shoes. He didn't take off his jeans or his shirt.

Chris turned on his side and JC spooned up behind him. It felt heavenly, homelike.

He woke up again when JC pushed closer and kissed his neck. "Are you up now?" JC's voice was deeper, guttural. Chris was so turned on.

"I'm up." He stopped himself from giggling. "You have fun last night?"

JC ran his hand from Chris's hip to his thigh and back up again. The tips of his fingers were just under the top of Chris's boxers. JC's hands were very warm. Chris wiggled, tried to get those fingers lower.

JC said, "Hmmmmm, do you want to talk about it later?"

JC moved his hand, right into Chris's boxers, right around his dick. Chris gasped and said, "Okay. Works for me."

Chris thought he should say something. Something more. But JC flipped Chris over without ever letting go of Chris's dick. Thinking, shaping words, just wasn't one of Chris's priorities. He pushed up and grabbed JC's shoulders, pulled him down into a long kiss. Morning breath and JC tasted stale, but it was still JC. Chris lifted his leg and rubbed his heel along JC's calf. JC's bare calf, at some point he had shimmied out of his jeans.

JC moaned, a vibration in Chris's mouth. Chris pulled back, nipped at JC's lip. He'd never really imagined this, he'd maybe dreamed about it. Mostly, he hadn't thought it would happen.

It wasn't like fucking Justin. Justin was lithe, experienced, like JC, but it was completely different. Justin had been fun and games, release and sweat. Justin competed and played. JC was passion and heart. It felt like a commitment, kissing and touching.

There were things he would have assumed, if he'd thought about it. Like, Chris was a director; he would have been in charge. JC the actor, his body an instrument in a way to express emotion. But it wasn't. JC nudged and directed, turned Chris over again on his stomach and Chris just followed. And JC talked a lot in bed, muttered words that sounded like "baby" and "sugar" and things like "you, you, you."

Chris looked up at the mirror by the bed, JC on Chris's back, thrusting in. Justin had put the mirror there, something about wanting to see Chris. Everyone looked ridiculous when they came; Chris had filmed enough porn to know that. But JC just looked even more intent. Focused.

And one last surprise. After they were done, JC pulled all the covers off the bed and curled up next to Chris on the bare mattress. He said, "I love you," and fell asleep. Chris ran his hands through JC's hair and watched him breathe. Fucking surreal.

*

He woke up for the third time on Sunday and JC had pulled a blanket over the two of them. Chris kissed JC's forehead and sat up. He tucked the blanket around JC tight, went into the bathroom. His hair was standing up all crazy; he had bags under his eyes. Chris stared a little more at the mirror. Still hot. He whistled in the shower.

He threw on a pair of pants, and glanced over at JC. Still sleeping. JC stirred a little, though, so he was probably waking up. Chris went to the kitchen and started making breakfast.

JC ambled in a half hour later wearing a pair of Chris's LA Kings sweatpants. They looked good. And he wasn't wearing a shirt, which Chris also liked.

JC said, "You making me breakfast?"

"Good morning, Captain Obvious." Chris smiled and put down a plate of pancakes.

JC grinned and dug in. He ate quickly and he mopped up the last of the syrup with the last corner of his last pancake. Then JC wiped his mouth with a paper napkin and looked up. "Now we should talk, right?"

"Oh." Chris nodded. "Okay."

JC nodded. "Here's the thing. Um. I've been thinking. And kind of waiting. For you to kiss me. And the rest." JC smiled. "Because I've been thinking, you know, my crazy last year. I think, no, I'm sure. That I love you. I've loved you forever and lifetimes before." He blushed.

"Um. Forever and lifetimes before? I didn't know you believed in reincarnation."

"I, uh, I don't. I heard it on the radio. It was a really pretty song. It made me think of you." JC was playing with his fork and knife, trying to get them to balance on each other or something. Chris focused on that because everything else was so surreal. Surreal.

"Um. Really?"

"Yeah. Yes. But I thought --"

"Not the Justin thing, right?" Chris waved his hands. "Because that was just buddies. We're still buddies. That's all."

"What Justin thing?" JC pushed his hair out of his eyes.

"Um. Nothing. Doesn't matter."

JC grinned. "No, um, no Justin thing. Doesn't he have a crush on Lance or something?"

"He would be very upset if you called it a crush." Chris looked down at his food. "So."

"Right. Well, I love you. And I thought, you know, that things would be better if you made the first move."

"Okay. That makes sense." Chris nodded. "A wise move."

JC nodded. "Though, um, right now, I'm feeling kind of exposed." He stared at Chris.

"Oh. Right. Well, yeah. I love you, too. Lifetimes before, as well."

JC nodded. "Okay." He looked down. Chris was fucking up. He was pretty sure of that. But maybe JC had never had the experience of having everything you ever wanted plopped down in your bed, ribbon tied around it, even better than you expected. It made Chris a little tongue-tied. He rubbed his forehead.

He grabbed JC's hand and dragged him to the couch. He went to the box of videos and pulled out a special one. It was labeled "Remember this." Chris put the tape in and sat down next to JC. "Okay, so, um. I want you to see this. It's the first thing I ever directed that I was really proud of. Like, you know? I look at it and it's not painful or bad. It's not, um, okay, I don't show people. I just watch it sometimes. But I want you to see it." JC nodded and almost smiled.

"It's gay porn. Um. I was nineteen." JC leaned forward and rested his chin on his hands. Chris fast-forwarded. "It's just this one scene."

JC nodded again. Chris hit play. It was, he thought, really nicely shot, for gay porn. Quick cuts done well, moved the action along. A close-up on the one guy as he dived in. JC watched for two minutes and said, "I can see it. This is really good. I mean, it's erotic and there's something special here. More than just fucking. It's beautiful. I can see you in it, you know?" JC looked very serious.

"Yeah. I've never shown anyone but my mom. My mom didn't quite get it, she never liked the gay porn thing, but. She said she liked it." She hadn't said it was beautiful. "I think, only because she's my mom. She likes the soap gig a lot better."

JC patted Chris's knee. It was, somehow, JC's soft expression and the touch; it said love more than anything. Chris thought he might burst. He just nodded. JC said, "You're meant to do soaps, man. You're wonderful at it. Like art. You make Madonna look good. And I don't mean that filter she always asks for for her close-ups." JC grinned and giggled.

Chris said, "Yeah. You know, we should live together." He wished the words were in a bubble and he could snatch them back. He stood up and hit stop on the remote control.

JC said, "Oh. You think?"

Chris said, "Well. Maybe. Or not, at all. Not now."

"I think. You know, it wouldn't be a horrible idea. It would be good."

"Really?" Chris sat back down. "It's just. Well. I mean, we should probably date. Work things out. Make sure everything works. Or it would be awful and suck. But I think it would be good, while I'm still this hot." Make a joke; make a joke, he was thinking.

"You are really hot." JC took Chris's hands in his. "You've always been hot." JC squeezed Chris's hands.

"Maybe you're right." They were both really quiet. Chris said, "This is sort of weird."

"Well, sure. But it's okay. See, you know, I can't get in trouble for having a boyfriend anymore and you can be my boyfriend and live with me. And it would be perfect. And, I think, right, I think, man, this just happened when it needed to."

"When I was really hot." Chris grinned. He leaned over and kissed JC.

JC said, "You could move in. Maybe, um, next week? Would that work?"

Chris nodded. "Your place is bigger. That makes sense."

JC licked Chris's collarbone. Chris shuddered. JC said, "Let's talk about this later, okay? I think we should work on something else now." JC paused. "That scene was really erotic."

So they did.

THE END.

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